


Agony Never Looked This Good [Young Justice] [3/3]

by JadedCreator



Series: Never Looked This Good [3]
Category: DC Animated Universe, Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Redemption, Superpowers, Villains
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2018-03-13
Packaged: 2018-10-31 13:16:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 67,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10900116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JadedCreator/pseuds/JadedCreator
Summary: In Book Three of the NLTG series, Pyrrha is in protective custody of the Justice League as she heals from Queen Bee's coup and Lex Luthor's betrayal. As time heals her body, the Team--sans Nightwing--try to heal her heart and save their friend from letting her pain consume her.As all of the lies and secrets surrounding Pyrrha come out, can she find who she truly is before it's too late?Update Schedule: Wednesdays & Saturdays





	1. Aster

_Time moved on but nothing changed_  
Different roads but we stayed the same    


**Team Year Three**   
**MOUNT JUSTICE**   
**Feb 11, 20:10**

"What do you mean 'Batman has a _new_ Robin'?" Wally asked Dick. "You barely quit!"

I looked over at the Team that was gathered near the zeta. I tried to show I was listening but new heroes were not anything to get excited over. They seemed to be coming out of the woodwork nearly every month. However, having to figure out everyone's strengths and weaknesses in order to be efficient was taking its toll on me. I was growing restless, again.

"It's not like there can't be other Robins," Nightwing chuckled. "Anyways, she isn't going to be 'Robin'. She took one look at the suit and couldn't stop laughing."

"Can you blame her?" Artemis muttered and the Team laughed at Nightwing's expense.

"Independent thinker. I like her already," Rocket said and the other girls hummed in agreement.

"Yeah, she's really great." Nightwing rubbed the back of his neck. "I know you guys will love her."

"Is she going to join the Team?" M'gann asked.

"Batman wants to train her up more but I'm sure she'll be spending some time here with me--us!"

The Team laughed at his slip and I rolled my eyes as they continued their conversation. It was clear to anyone that Dick was girl crazy but after dealing with him for three years, I had grown weary of his infatuations.

"Yeah, she's something else. She's really great."

"That's the second time you've said 'great' to describe her," Artemis said. "I think you've got a thing for... what's her alias?"

"Jet Starling."

"Jet Starling?" Connor scoffed. "Where did _that_ come from?"

"Says the guy who only changed three letters of his mentor's name," M'gann scolded. "I happen to like it."

I returned to the monitor but the word 'Starling' strangely reverberated in my mind.

"So when do we get to meet this great 'Jet'?" Wally asked.

"Jet Starling, A12," the computer announced.

"I guess right now," Nightwing said, the smile audible in his voice.

The group congregated to the zeta and I closed up my work on the computer to join them. As I turned around and looked to the girl who walked through the zeta, my body froze in place as her grey eyes caught mine.

Even though she was smiling--visibly nervous at meeting everyone for the first time--I could see a darkness behind those eyes.

From that moment on, I was hers.

I looked back to the computer and found something to pretend to be busy with and carefully glanced back. She was talking and smiling but her arms had crossed as she bit her lip nervously.

I shook my head at my horrible first impression. I tracked current mission statuses but I didn't retain any of the information because I couldn't focus on anything over how loud my heart was pounding.

"A-Aqualad?"

I stopped breathing and kept my eyes on the screen as I could almost feel her energy electrocuting me. I mustered up some courage to turn to her but I only found her eyes were even more startling up close. Just over her shoulder, I could see Wally smiling mischeviously. I looked back to her to see her biting her lip again so I smiled as warmly as I could to make her more at ease. It worked and she released her lip.

"Hello, Jet Starling."

"Oh wow. So formal. Y-you can just call me 'Jet'. What are you doing?" Her curiosity led her eyes to the monitor but my eyes remained on her.

She must have finished a mission with Batman because her short black hair was messy and she also had a bruise beginning to grow on her light brown cheek.

"I-I'm in charge of overseeing the missions for the Team."

"That seems boring. Have _you_ gone out in a while?" Her attention turned back to me as I shook my head. "Pity. You must be going crazy."

"A bit. Is it that easy to see?"

"No. I'm a detective, remember? I _h_ _ave_ to see these things. Like your scowl when I arrived."

_I'm an idiot._

"It's okay," she nervously shifted her weight to the other foot.

"No, it isn't. I'm sorry I didn't greet you," I apologized. "You only seemed... overwhelmed."

"Oh, _gods_ ," she slapped her forehead dramatically causing a smile to break across my face. "Don't say that word. You don't know how many words have been butchered for me in the past few weeks."

"Trust me, I understand completely." I paused as I thought for a moment. "You're polytheistic?"

"Greco-Classical." She tucked her short hair behind her ear.

"Me too." I smiled and she blushed slightly. Her eyes darted away from mine as she tried to hide it.

"Yeah, I know. I'm kind of a fan of yours. I looked into it and it just kinda stuck with me." She covered her face with her hands. "Oh, I sound so creepy, don't I?"

"It's flattering." I chuckled. "It's not often I get the fanatic girl treatment."

She visibly cringed as she pulled her hands down. "The word you were looking for was 'fangirl' and if that was meant to make me feel better, it really didn't."

She looked down in embarrassment and it felt like she was going to run away at any moment. A possibility that my heart was desperate to keep from happening.

"If I may ask, what is so interesting about me?"

"I just find Atlanteans interesting--being evolved and all."

"We're just like you."

"Except I don't glow or have special powers so to _me_ , you're pretty special." Her eyes grew wide in alarm. "Atlanteans, I mean! Well, you are, too. But not in a creepy fangirl way. I mean in a totally normal, not stalker-ish way. Oh boy, I am talking a lot."

"Yes, but it's somewhat endearing," I laughed. She bit her lip for a moment and relaxed. "So, Batman. He must see a lot of promise in you."

"He thinks so. I'm just doing my best to keep my head above water. It's a bit difficult to be held to Nightwing's standard of 'Robin' but it's all still pretty amazing. I keep thinking this is all a dream and I'll wake up from a coma or something. I should have someone pinch me regularly to make sure."

"Do you want me to pinch you?"

Her face turned bright red and her bruise was now a visible blue in comparison. I found myself holding back from cupping her cheek.

"I think I would die if you touched me. Let me remain in the coma."

Now _I_ was the one who felt my cheeks and ears burn. She smirked and I saw her shyness disappear and the darkness in her eyes focused on me. It was as if I had shown her a weakness and like a predator, she zeroed in on it.

"So, I'd like to ask a favor." She stood up a little straighter. "I'm trying to use these old Atlantean plans to make alternative energy for my battle robot but I think I'm translating something wrong. The plans I have say I need to put 'aster' in but that can't be right."

"You build robots?" She nodded humbly and I raised my eyebrows in surprise. "Well, that's actually a hard word to translate. It translates differently on the occasion. In that instance, it probably means some sort of energy source but it also translates to 'star' and in ancient Atlantean, it meant a form of love."

"Love?"

"As the way one would use stars to find their way home. A love that gives you the strength to keep going in the darkest night."

She smiled at me and I saw that darkness hiding behind her grey eyes flicker.

"That's incredibly romantic. Maybe you can teach me some Atlantean?"

"I would be honored."

"You're so formal."

"Jet," Nightwing ran up behind her and grabbed her shoulders. I fought to hide my annoyance.

"And _here_ we have the antithesis of formal," she said. Her words were playful but I could see her eyes grew dark as he hung off of her. That gave me a small reason to smile.

"You love it," he teased. "Listen, we gotta go. Something's happening in Gotham."

"Do you need any of the Team?" I asked.

"Nah, we got it," Nightwing waved as he walked to the zeta.

"Hey," Jet Starling smirked at me as she walked away. "I'm holding you to that tutoring thing, Aqualad."

"You can call me Kaldur."

She smiled wide and blushed. "Great, then it's a date, _Kaldur._ " She winked and turned to Nightwing who was looking at me in confusion.

"Wait, ' _date_ '?" He turned to her. "What ' _date_ '?"

"Kaldur is going to whisper Atlantean in my ear for hours," she taunted as the zeta beam opened. "Jealous?"

"Yes! Kaldur doesn't speak Atlantean to anyone but _me_."

Their laughter soon disappeared. It was clear Dick had his sights on her but what wasn't clear was whether she felt the same.

"So," Wally appeared next to me with a slight breeze following after, "what did ya talk about for so long?"

"She needed help with translating something. She's into robotics."

"She's _what_!? They're probably robot bunnies or something equally girly." He turned to grin at me. "Smart... and cute. Don't you think?"

"I think we should focus on our jobs and not on whether the new recruit is cute or not."

His eyes narrowed but his smile grew wider.

"Right. Good luck with that, AL."

**Team Year Six**   
**WATCHTOWER**   
**Jul 5, 01:00**

Luck is what we needed more than anything.

I sat outside of the operating room they took her into with my head in my hands. Nearby, a trail of faintly glowing blood was being cleaned up by a custodian.

"You okay?"

I jerked my head up to see Connor. I was surprised to see him around as he was one to avoid emotionally charged situations. Especially without M'gann.

"I honestly don't know," I sighed. He looked over to the blood but I couldn't stand to see it anymore. "Where's M'gann?"

"The possibility of losing Jet is hitting Artemis pretty hard so M'gann is with her."

"We won't lose her," I growled.

"Yeah," he said in his way of wanting to drop the conversation. He looked down the hallway and tensed up. "Great."

I followed his gaze and saw Nightwing walking towards us. I stood up and prepared myself.

"You brought her _here_?" Dick seethed. "What were you thinking, Kaldur!?"

"It wasn't only my decision."

"Dick, they tried to _kill_ her." Connor positioned himself between us. "What were we supposed to do? Leave her there?"

"She isn't our problem."

" _How_ can you say that?" Connor growled, doing his best to remain calm. "She is fighting for her life right now!"

"And if she survives?"

" _When_." I gritted my teeth.

" _If_ she does, she is in an enclosed space station that all of her most hated people are in."

"She came to us for help for a reason. She knows we would help her--"

"Exactly, Kaldur. Your bleeding heart for her is blinding you." He thought for a moment. "But having her in custody could be good news. Miss M can get the information out of her--"

"No, I won't." The three of us turned to see Artemis and M'gann, both of which scowled at Dick. "Neither will J'onn. If she wants to tell us what the Light is doing then we will give her the opportunity to do so."

"And she isn't in custody," Artemis said, her eyes still slightly bloodshot. "The League thought it would be easier to gain her trust if we gave her a clean slate."

"You've _got_ to be kidding me. She tried to kill Superman and others. She put Robin into the hospital. She single-handedly shifted the public into distrusting us!"

"All of which could be argued that she was coerced into being the Light's puppet," Artemis explained. "We have no evidence that isn't circumstantial."

My eyes faltered slightly as I remembered the secrets Star told me in confidence.

"You know that isn't true. The truth will come out because she is who she's always been. Hotheaded, uncontrollable, and impulsive. She's a _criminal_."

"She is our friend," I snapped, "and she needs us now more than ever."

"Do you really think she's still the same girl, Kaldur? After what you've seen? After all these years? After she's been with _him_?" I felt my blood heat up and my fists clenched. "You can only overlook those things for so long and when this goes sideways, this is on you. I'm not cleaning her messes up anymore. If you love her so much that you are willing to risk everyone's lives then you deserve the pain she'll bring you. Wally won't be the last to pay the price for the Light's actions."

"That's _enough_ ," Artemis demanded with tears in her eyes. "This is no longer your team and Jet is not your responsibility. I think you should go, Dick."

"I'm sorry, Artemis." He gave me one last frown and left. None of us said a word. We all knew Starling was a risk as her hate and anger poisoned her. We knew this would divide the Team and even the League, as well. But we also knew she was one of us and she was lost, alone, and wounded. Maybe we were trying to save her to ease the loss of Wally. Either way, we understood what we were getting into.

Wonder Woman came out of the hallway and stopped when she saw us.

"How is she?" Connor asked, surprising me again at his out of character reaction. I had to remind myself that, while they weren't close by normal standards, Starling and Superboy had a silent friendship.

"We are cautiously optimistic. For now, she's still fighting to stay with us so I suggest you all get some rest." I nodded to them to leave but I remained.

"I was hoping to see Nightwing here," Wonder Woman said.

"Apologies." I clenched my fists. "You just missed him."

"Then maybe I should give the information to you. When I found Pyrrha, there was a young man holding her hand. He wore a red helmet so I couldn't see his face. I believe he's the new criminal giving Batman a hard time in Gotham City."

I frowned. I _had_ heard of him but he was new in the criminal world and as far as I knew, not in the Light organization.

"He was the one that told me Lex Luthor and Queen Bee wanted to kill her. He seemed genuinely concerned for her."

"You think he's not as criminally inclined as Batman thinks." I finished for her.

She nodded. "I'd tell Batman but he's in a very black and white mood as of late."

I nodded and looked at the faded red stain on the floor.

"Is there something else weighing on you, Kaldur'ahm?"

"Am I doing the right thing?"

"I often ask myself the same question and I almost always never have an answer. I think she needs someone to help her see herself again. She's been through so much and will need acceptance and patience. If anyone can handle that job, it would be you. I've never met anyone as patient and accepting as Kaldur'ahm."

I nodded as she walked away and made a silent vow to myself that I would never give up on Starling. Never again.

**A/N:** **Thanks** **for the votes** **and** **views on Hatred and Paranoia! You all** **don't** **know how much a single vote means to me and to see people binge my stuff makes me so happy. Pat yourselves on the back because truthfully, I** **wouldn't** **have** **finished Hatred without a few of you being active readers. So** **remember** **to vote on other people's** **stories** **, give them some** **lovely** **feedback, and read** **read** **read!**


	2. Eros

_Waking up in a world surrounded by flames_   
_Where everything I liked is about to fade_

**LEXCORP TOWER**   
**Jan 6, 21:00**

Pyrrha happily sighed as she laid on my chest. I ran my fingers through her long, black hair and smiled as I watched her glow fill the room.

We were finally in sync and happy. Granted, it had only been a week since we decided to become more than casual, but as I listened to her humming a soft melody, I entertained the thought of us spending the rest of our lives together. 

"Are you Lost, Lex?" She asked, interrupting her song.

"Are _you_ Lost, Darling?"

"Very."

I kissed the top of her head and she sighed happily as she somehow found a way to hold me tighter. Her breathing slowed as I continued to comb through her hair, eliciting a glow with each stroke.

_I should tell her... I should just say it..._

**ST. MARTIN'S ISLAND, METROPOLIS**   
**Jul 5, 06:00**

The warmth of the morning sun woke me. I hadn't had a hangover in years and I knew I hadn't had enough alcohol to have one. That didn't stop my head from feeling like I had, though.

I felt a weight on my chest and looked down to see long, black hair. My heart began to race as I tried to piece the night together.

_She came back. When did she come over? Did I finally tell her? Am I forgiven? Was this in the heat of the moment or are we back together?_

But something was off. 

The room was lit only by the morning light. There was no warmth, no soft pulse of red light, no tight hold. I gently rolled the body off of me and saw her.

_Marina._

Disgusted, I pushed her off of me. She yelled out from being rudely awakened but I didn't give a damn. I sat up and my hands began to tremble as the lack of control over the situation overwhelmed me.

_Did we--? What have I done?_

Slowly, the memories became clearer. Pyrrha had threatened to kill me after the summit for sending her into a trap, I found solace in Marina, the Reach left, Pyrrha arrived on my balcony and saw Marina and me together, she attacked, we narrowly escaped. But the memories were wrong. Something was off. I would rather die than be with anyone but Pyrrha.

"Lex," Marina purred from behind me as she slid her hands down my chest. I felt nauseous at her touch and recoiled to stand with my back to the wall.

"Get the hell out," I growled. "I don't know how you found a way to thrall me but I swear, I don't care if you are a queen, I'll--"

"Baby, you are confused," she put her hands up defensively and seemed genuinely terrified. However, our kind faked a lot of genuine emotions. "Last night must have taken a toll on you. She can't hurt us anymore."

My blood boiled at her words and I lunged at her, pinning her to the bed.

"What did you do, Marina!? Where is she?!"

"Lex, you're hurting me!"

" _Where_?!"

Tears began to well in her eyes. "She fell from your apartment's balcony after she interrupted us. Then there was an explosion a few blocks from where she landed. The police think she was in the blast. A body was found."

"No." I released her and sat on the edge of the bed with my head in my hands. _She can't be gone. Not my Pyrrha. Not like that._

"It'll be fine," Marina cooed in my ear. I felt my body relax, my worries fade, and the name Pyrrha meant nothing to me. "Come back to bed. Push her out of your mind. She's gone and we will control the Light. Together."

My body wasn't my own as we went back to my bed. I was both in the moment and detached. Somewhere in my mind, I was still able to think freely but it was clouded and jumbled.

_Pyrrha's gone. Lost. We were Lost._

" _Very_..." her sleepy voice echoed in the recesses of my mind. " _Are you Lost, Lex_?"

_I should've told her. I should've just said it._

**A/N: I am on cloud 9000 from seeing the response to Agony's first chapter. Thank you all for the support.**


	3. Nemesis

_'Because it's a dangerous thing_  
_to be loved by a king'_  
_these are the words of Anne Boleyn_

The sun set on the ocean's horizon and served as the perfect romantic backdrop as Lex and I swayed to the soft melody he hummed in my ear.

"You're in a good mood," I mused as he spun me out. Gently, he pulled my momentum back to him and led me into a dip. I laughed as he pulled me back up and bit my lip to control my glow as he pulled me close.

As a member of the Team, I used to despise Lex Luthor but as a member of the Light, I soon saw that Lex Luthor was a complicated man. I found we believed in the same basic ideologies and principles: Nothing good in this life will ever be given to you; the Justice League is bad for the human race; and red velvet cake is plain chocolate cake lying about being fancy.

When I had no one, when I had been tossed aside, Lex was there and he never let me feel I was a freak. At first, I kept my guard up and refused any and all of his strange advances. After all, not only was there a glaring age difference, but he was the Lex Luthor. I knew he was using me but soon, I found his charm hard to resist.

And who was going to tell me to think it through? The Team? The League? Batman?

It's not as if I wasn't sure of what I wanted, though. I wasn't some young and naive woman desperate for someone to love me. Becoming Pyrrha gave me a sense of control of myself. The less I looked at Lex through the lens of the League's propaganda, the more I saw how he truly wanted the world to be a better place. He saved countless people with his charity work, foundations, and scientific advances in--well, everything. He loved humanity. It just didn't look as flashy compared to flying people out of a burning building.

I wanted the world to see what I saw and to love him--as I had grown to.

"I _am_ in a good mood," he said as we danced across the sand. "Our coup was successful."

"A coup?" I frowned. "I didn't know about any coup."

"I should hope not. Then it wouldn't be a coup."

My blood ran cold and the warm, romantic sunset turned into a starless night with the only light being the panicked pulses of red coming from me.

"Careful, Darling," he whispered in my ear. "You become irresistibly beautiful when you're deep in thought." He reached to my chin and flashes of me hitting him gave me a blinding headache. I winced and took a step away from him.

"I _hit_ you? Why did I--" The thought of hurting him made my stomach churn.

"You did more than that."

I looked up to see his bruised face, bleeding lip and burns. Horrified, I tried to take another step back but he grabbed me and pulled me threateningly close.

"Darling, don't go," he said calmly. "What makes you think I'd just let you leave after what you did? No matter where you go, how far you run, we are _bound_ to each other. Nothing you do will ever change that."

A blur of memories filled my mind of him and Queen Bee together in his bed, me falling from the balcony after Devastation's hit, and the explosion from the zeta booth. My body began to ache all over and I could taste blood in my mouth. I looked up at see him smiling at me like nothing had happened as he caressed my bruised face.

"Looks like we dressed to match."

He took my hand and we swayed to his humming. I felt numb as tears fell down my cheek and onto the suit of the man I thought I loved. 

 **WATCHTOWER**  
**Jul 7, 13:20**

Blinding lights and an itch under my skin woke me from my nightmare. I shut my eyes tight and panicked at the itching but realized it wasn't the burning itch that had plagued me for half a year. This was the familiar itch of healing bones and casts.

"Computer, dim lights," Black Canary said softly.

I sighed and saw that thanks to the Light--thanks to Lex--I was in the self-righteous hands of the Justice League. My nightmare had become my reality.

_Home, sweet home._

 

**A/N: I don't like this version but she is so off the radar that this is the only video of this song. weird right? It's on spotify.**


	4. Klemméno

_Stay by my side_   
_Do you really have to go_   
_I'll keep you safe from harm_

**Team Year Three**   
**MOUNT JUSTICE**   
**Oct 1, 18:00**

"Wait. If the subject is feminine, I use this article but if it's masculine, I use no article?"

"Well," I let out a patient sigh, "no."

"Learning Atlantean is hopeless!" Jet Starling groaned loudly as she threw her head into her arms that were resting on the library table. I withheld the urge to rub her back and occupied my hands with sorting her flash cards.

It had been nearly a year of thirty minute visits every two or three weeks but it was not enough. It seemed every opportunity we had at strengthening our friendship, something came up.

"Mmm hmmm mmbmm," she mumbled into her arms.

"I am multilingual but am unfamiliar with the Mumble language."

"I see you are fluent in Sarcasm, though." She lifted her head up and fixed her black domino mask. "I said 'I hate my mask'. It's so awkward sometimes but it's this or sunglasses. Like, who is going to recognize me? And I trust you guys. I mean, what is sweet Kaldur going to do with my secrets? Blackmail me?"

Involuntarily, I gulped as I tried to refrain from imagining the possibilities but when I looked over to her, her grey eyes had me in her sights. My blood became unbearably hot as she analyzed my face.

"Would you _blackmail_ me, Kaldur?" she asked innocently but her eyes told a different story.

"What would I possibly w-want?"

"You tell me. You're the one wanting to learn my secrets so you can use it against me."

I did not realize that she had been leaning closer to me or that I had been leaning away until it was too late and I fell off the chair. While her laugh was aimed at my misfortune, I could not help but laugh as well. She stood from her chair and gave me an arm up.

"You've probably never done anything bad in your life," she said. I wished I could've said something to impress her but she was correct. If I had done something 'bad', it was not on purpose and was never done again.

"Have you ever even lied? Not for the greater good but an old fashioned lying-to-save-my-ass kind of lie."

"Not necessarily, no."

"What about stealing?" She frowned as if I had missed an important milestone. "Even a tiny pack of gum would classify as stealing."

"I do not like gum."

"That's besides the point, Kaldur. Stop stalling." She scowled at me, causing her nose to wrinkle in frustration.

"I have never stolen," I sighed. "Have you?"

"Grew up in Gotham. What do _you_ think I did?" She smirked at me and I realized that I was frowning. She rolled her eyes. "Don't worry. Nothing big. Just things like small toys and medicine for my kids."

"Kids?" Her face fell and her eyes grew distant and saddened. We had been meeting for months but there were so many things I did not know about her.

"The younger ones in foster homes with me." She held her arms to her body and looked to the floor as we stood facing each other. "I was usually the oldest kid in the home or at least the most mature. I'd look out for the little ones when our fosters wouldn't. I guess they think I just abandoned them after I turned eighteen. Like everyone else did."

"Can you not find them and show them that you are well?"

"I kinda sorta have a warrant out for me. Well, not anymore but if I show my face around that area, questions will be asked. Best to leave it alone."

Her eyes grew distant and something inside me was desperate to keep her from those thoughts. I took her hand and her eyes shot up to mine. I expected her to be embarrassed but her eyes were cold and guarded as if I had mocked her.

"I don't need your pity so don't look at me like that," she snapped at me as she recoiled her hand. I frowned at her defensive tactic. I was not going to lose the progress we had made because she wrongly believed me to be a threat.

"How should I look at you then, Jet?" I challenged.

Her grey eyes lost their edge as she bit her lip nervously. Slowly, she reached up to the black mask but I grabbed her hands. Lacking the words to say, I settled for shaking my head.

"It's okay. _This_ is how I want you to look at me," she whispered. I lowered my hands as she removed her mask and prayed to the gods that she couldn't hear my heart.

When she took it off, she looked up at me and I was able to see features of her face I had not seen before. One was the faint trail of freckles across her nose that were probably once prominent as a child but now were fading. A blush appeared on her cheeks that woke me from my thoughts and I realized that I had my mouth slightly open.

"Now you." Her voice made me inhale sharply and close my mouth tight.

"But I do not wear a mask," I said and quickly realized where she may have been headed with her demand. I felt the heat rise in my face. "I am not taking anything off, Jet."

She burst into laughter which immediately sent another wave of embarrassment through me.

"No! I meant that now you have to do something bad! But I like that you thought that's what I wanted from you." She took a step closer to me and I felt like I was being hunted. "Steal something, anything. Gum, novelty snowglobe, candy bar, tee shirt with something ridiculous on it--"

"I can't."

"You don't get out of this that easy. You're too good, Kaldur. You need something to balance out all that holy light."

"Stealing is not me. I cannot do that." I looked to the Atlantean texts and her flashcards on the table. A moment passed and I thought I had ruined everything until she snapped her fingers loudly.

"Got it! If you won't steal then I'll steal for you and _you_ have to keep it. It's the greatest plan ever conceived! So what would you like, my Atlantean friend? Tee shirts, snowglobes, ca--" She noticed something in my expression and zeroed in on it. "Snowglobes? You like those?"

I looked away from her, embarrassed at being so transparent.

"It is like seeing your world underwater. I always thought it was the best of both worlds." She smiled so genuinely, I could have sworn she glowed.

"Snowglobes it is," she said quietly and I realized how secluded we were in the rarely used library. She looked up at me with those grey eyes that felt as if they were charging the air between us. I smiled at her and she bit her lip.

"You better make space in your room. You'll have a whole wall soon. I'm kind of a kleptomaniac. Well, I used to be but I'm willing to go back into the life just to corrupt you."

"You are so odd, Jet Starling." I smiled at her and enjoyed watching her olive cheeks start to turn pink before she lowered her head to bite her lip.

"I like the way you say 'Starling'." She tucked her short hair behind her ear only to have it fall back over her cheek. "I like the way you say everything actually. You're so formal. Can you say something in Atlantean?"

"Den boró na stamatíso na skéftomai gia séna," I said without hesitation.

She blushed a deep red and held her face. "I don't know why I'm blushing. I have no idea what you said."

"I know. Your Atlantean is awful," I laughed. A part of me wished she understood or that I had said it in English but the irrational fear of her laughing me away kept me from doing any more than confessing in Atlantean.

"Perhaps," she said quietly as she took a step closer to me, "I should try to find a way to see my tutor more often?"

My stomach began to tie in knots as I glanced down to her lips. She caught me looking and bit her bottom lip to hide it from me. I looked back up to her eyes and could see that darkness waiting for me just behind the grey. I gained a tiny amount of courage and took a step closer to close the space between us.

"I think that is a grea--"

"Kaldur!"

The tension was shattered by Nightwing's voice and Starling rushed to put her mask on. She nodded to me and I called out my location a little more annoyed than I wanted to convey. She giggled at it as she collected her things and I smiled hoping that our momentum was not lost. Nightwing came in and stopped as he saw Starling. The two glared at each other like two eels about to fight.

"Jet."

"Nightwing."

He turned to me as he rolled his eyes. "I need to talk to you, Kaldur. In private."

"I am in the middle of something--"

"It's okay." Starling placed her hand on my forearm. "I have to go see Batman anyways. Big solo mission soon. Bye, Kaldur."

"Until next time, Starling."

She blushed brightly as she turned from me and her warm smile turned to a cold frown as she looked at Dick.

"Nightwing," she said coldly.

"Yeah. See ya." He waved her away. She scoffed and walked through the doorway. As soon as she did, he turned to me. "'Starling'? When did _that_ start?"

"Does it matter?" I said, defensively.

"Just be careful, Kaldur. She's got an anger problem. She gets flustered easily. I don't know why Batman thinks she's ready for solo work. She's going to get herself killed."

I glanced over his shoulder and looked back at Nightwing. He groaned and slapped his forehead.

"And she's right behind me, isn't she?"

"I forgot my flash cards, asshole." He turned to face her but I knew he was giving her the same cold, glare she was giving him. "If Batman thinks I'm ready, I'm ready. And last time I checked, if I get myself killed, it's not your problem. As for the anger thing, Kaldur has nothing to worry about. There's nothing he could possibly do to make me angry with him." She walked in and grabbed her cards. Her face softened as she winked at me. "Keep a look out for your gift."

She turned and brushed past Nightwing who was giving me a questioning look but I did not care. My head buzzed with the possibility of Starling and I being more than friends that met once or twice a month.

"Kaldur... Kal... Kaldur!"

**Team Year Six**   
**WATCHTOWER**   
**Jul 10, 20:50**

"Kaldur!"

Artemis' harsh whisper startled me and I looked away from Starling who sat alone inside the Terra Room. I turned to see Artemis eyeing the small object in my hands. She looked up at me and shrugged her shoulders.

"So what are you waiting for?"

"We were told not to interact with her." My eyes wandered back to Star.

"Is that really what's stopping you?" I looked back at my good friend and she raised an eyebrow. I sighed and fidgeted with the gift in my hands.

"I am concerned she may not want to see me."

"This might just be my opinion but you are probably the only face she wants to see after everything she's been through."

"But I let her down. I should have forced her to come with us after the summit or threatened Luthor to keep his hands off of her before we left to deactivate the Reach eggs." I gritted my teeth at the memory of that day.

"How cute." Artemis rolled her eyes. "You think you could've told Jet what to do. Why didn't we think of that before? Oh yeah, because she's Jet. You may have heard of her? Impulsive? Stubborn? Quick to bite?" My eyes found their way back to Star. She was still in the same spot, lost in her own thoughts. Artemis put her hand on my shoulder and I turned my head to see her saddened face.

"I would love to go in but I think she blames herself for Wally." She looked down and blinked away her tears. I placed my hand on her shoulder and she smiled slightly. "She needs you, Kal. More than ever. So go in, sweep her off her feet and let me watch this romance that has been years in the making finally play out."

"I don't know what you--"

"Stop. You two have been driving us all crazy. Go in before I throw you in."

Embarrassed, I quickly walked away from Artemis and walked through the door. The air was humid from the plant life and the floral aroma was overpowering. With Artemis' words to nudge me forward, I made my way to Star whose back was still towards me. As I walked through the flowers and bushes, I began to worry what to say.

 _'Hey' is good, right? No, that would sound too relaxed. Maybe a 'good evening'? No, too formal. But she likes formal. How about, 'Star, I have loved you for years and I am not letting you leave until you know how I feel'._ I shook my head as I ran out of walkway and time. _I am doomed._

She had yet to notice me as I walked behind her sitting in her wheelchair and grey sweats given to her. My nervousness began to get the better of me as I struggled to say a simple greeting. Before I could embarrass myself, her hands shot to her face and her shoulders and back began to tremble as she silently cried. Alone.

_Oh, Star._

The fear of embarrassment disappeared and my legs took me to her side as naturally as breathing underwater. She was completely occupied with her pain that she didn't look up or notice me until I held the snowglobe out in front of her. Almost immediately, she stopped crying and looked up from her bandaged hands to the tiny gift. She sniffed and laughed as she took hold of the object and shook it, watching the seashells fall. When she turned to me, I did my best to not show surprise at the scars on her face. I wanted to blame Luthor but knew they were probably the product of the zeta explosion. I hid my anger and sadness and smiled as warmly as possible at her. My soul lit up as she returned it and for a moment, I saw Starling again.

"Hey, Tats."

"Hello, Star."

Her eyes fell back to the underwater beach house in her hands before looking back to me with a playful smirk.

"Where's the receipt?" she accused.

"You do not believe I stole it?" She watched my face for an indication but I steeled against her. I fooled her before and without the threat of my cover being blown within the Light, I almost enjoyed fooling her again.

"Maybe being in the Light was good for you, Tats. You've learned a few things," she held up the globe and read the inscription. "Including a sense of humor."

"I have always had a sense of humor. It is just too advanced for you." She stuck her tongue out. "Being in the Light was a learning experience. I see now that life is short and if I want something, I should stop waiting and just go after it."

She looked at me strangely and was surprised when she realized she was glowing. Quickly, she looked to the snowglobe and pretended to be fixated on the shells inside. I felt a sense of courage I had not had in a long time and walked behind her wheelchair. Taking hold of the handles, I leaned down to her ear.

"Tha klépso tin kardiá sou."

The room exploded into red light and she turned to me with a playful scowl.

"That's not fair, Tats. You know I don't understand a word of that."

"You know more than you think."

She looked at me puzzled before turning back around. We made our way down the pathway until it took us to the large window showing the Earth below. I positioned her chair beside a bench and sat next to her in silence as we watched the clouds slowly move below.

I took a chance and looked over to her. She was healing from her physical wounds but her soul's wounds were visible on her face--at least, to me. We no longer looked like the teenagers we were when we first met. We had scars and wounds that may never close. Even with the bandages, the red eyes, the glowing veins, and the wall she still had up between her and the world, her soul was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. She still had that darkness in her eyes but it was different now.

That darkness she held inside her was let loose because of the Light--because of Luthor. While I would never forgive them for using her as a weapon, I was glad she was able to see that releasing that darkness wouldn't bring her happiness. _He_ wouldn't bring her happiness.

She looked at me from the corner of her eye and took a sharp breath, embarrassed that I had caught her in thought.

"Thanks," she blurted, "f-for taking me in."

"I would like to take credit but I did not have as much pull as you would think." I thought back to the video feed of her begging for her life, of me demanding for her to come to the Watchtower, of the League arguing whether it was safe to do so. "It was the League that decided to rescue you."

"Decided?" She scoffed and her face turned into porcelain. My blood ran cold at her ability to control her powers so effectively. Artemis was correct in labelling Jet Starling as hotheaded but to see her have this kind of control over her anger was even more terrifying. And, if I had to admit, alluring.

"So I was bleeding out and they took a vote? Lemme guess. Batman said to leave me. That bastard! I knew I was right when I confronted him about it."

I subconsciously shifted in my seat and she locked onto it.

"You heard about it?"

"We were told to refrain from any contact with you. That our past could give you an opportunity to use us." I kept my eyes on the clouds and oceans below but her silence led me to look at her. Instead of her analytical gaze, her red eyes looked at me with almost pride. "What?"

"You openly defy the League? Just to see li'l ol' me?" I rolled my eyes at her as she dramatically held her bandaged hand to her heart. "Oh, my! I _have_ corrupted you! This is a brand new Tats. I don't know if I like it."

"You should. You helped to create this monster." I meant it as a joke but her face fell and her eyes grew dull like when she confronted me about killing Artemis. I could see her reliving the past year again.

"You aren't a monster," she almost whispered. "You're the best person I know. I'm sorry for not listening to you. You tried to save me and I wouldn't let you. I thought I had it controlled. I just never thought that he would..." She trailed off and tears began to well up in her eyes.

"The important part is that you are alive," I said. She turned to me and scoffed before wiping the new tears away.

"How many more times will you say that to me, Tats? How often do you plan on looking over my mistakes and atrocities?"

"How many more atrocities do you plan on committing?" Her eyes narrowed at my playful tone and I could not help but smirk at her. She wanted to be demonized and chided for her actions but I did not see her the way she saw herself.

"Depends. Are you going to be the hero that tries to stop me? Because that's something I might be into. We could make it into a thing. I can be your nemesis! I can destroy cities and you can try to convince me I'm good. I mean, look at us. Every part of you is my opposite. Fire and water, blue and red, leader and rogue. C'mon, it writes itself." She smiled at me but my head began to pound at the thought of her going back to the criminal world.

"You'd go back to that life?" _Would you go back to him?_

"I'm not an idiot, Tats. I don't plan on taunting the gods of death again. As long as the Light is broken, I'm going into hiding. That doesn't mean I'm turning over a new leaf." She frowned at me. "You know what I've done."

"Yes. I know." The memory of her confiding to me that she had known about Speedy's location for over half a year before freeing him and the fact that she had killed countless Superman clones to test her powers still made me angry. I didn't excuse it but I could see that it weighed on her more than she realized. I knew that one day, it would become too much.

"I also know you haven't told anyone. Thank you."

"I promised you I wouldn't."

"Another opposite to add to the list. You're too good. Stop forgiving me. What's in it for y--" she winced and gritted her teeth as she held her abdomen. I shot up and grabbed her wheelchair.

"You need rest. You're still healing. Let me take you back to your room."

"Never on the first date," she said, strained. "I'm not that kind of girl."

I was thankful no one was in the hallways as I could see Star's hands grip the armrests of the chair. We entered her glass hospital room and I pressed a button to change the privacy glass from a clear glass wall to a frosted finish. I turned back to see Star was pulsing a red light and knelt down before looking up at her.

"I am going to pick you up, is that alright?"

She looked like she was going to argue but she just nodded, exhausted just from leaving her room. It had only been a few days since we had taken her in and the details were still unclear. She would not disclose who beat her so badly or how involved Lex Luthor had been in it. It had only been a few days and for her to even look this well, if I could call it that, was a miracle. My worry from before about her going back to the Light could wait. I had time to save her.

I scooped her up and laid her down on her hospital bed. "I will ask about getting you a real room while you heal."

She nodded and placed our snowglobe on the rolling tray next to her. "Where did our globes go? After you left the Light?"

"Do not worry." I pulled the blanket over her. "The collection still stands. I was able to remove it without my father believing anything was wrong."

"Good. I was afraid you lost them all."

"No, they are all safe in my room. Even the one you got me on Valentine's this year."

Her face fell and I saw her reliving whatever happened that day. We had left on a good note that day but something must have happened when she went home. I realized that I had given her her old Jet Starling mask and that she must have gone to see Luthor after seeing me. He had to have seen it and it caused something to happen between them. I knew he didn't approve of her seeing me but I wasn't sure how much he knew about our history.

"Star," I waited for her to look up at me but she continued to stare at nothing at all. "You do not need to go back to the Light. You do not owe them anything. Allegiance _or_ revenge. Let us help you. Let _me_ help you. Tell me who did this to you. Tell me what is happening."

Her red eyes shot to mine and were guarded and blazing. She sat up and stared at me as I stood next to her bed.

"I know what you're doing. You don't care about what they did to me. I'm sure most of you think I deserved it so don't pretend you give a shit." I winced at her language. "You're only trying to get me to say where Savage took the Warworld but what you don't understand is that as long as I stay quiet, I get to live."

"We would protect you."

"You think I fear the Light? The Light fears me. They were only able to hurt me because I let my guard down. I put my trust in the wrong person and I'll be damned if I fall for that again. I fear the Justice League, Tats. If I say where the Warworld went, I'll be locked away. Most likely in Arkham if they dig deep enough into my past year." I frowned at her cryptic confession. "You and I, we have a strange relationship. You used to be my leader, my friend--"

"I am _still_ your friend."

"Sure," she smiled patronizingly. "But now we aren't even on the same tier. You can't protect me from the League and you can't save me from myself." She laid back down with her back to me. "Stop trying to turn back time and leave me alone."

"Enough, Star." I sat down on her bed. "I have had enough of you pushing me away. Have I not proven how much I care for you by now? Have I not shown that I--" I stopped short as the words caught in my throat. I looked to see her looking at me as if I were holding a knife and not just nearly confessing my feelings for her.

"I am coming by tomorrow," I continued, a little softer in my voice but forceful. "I will not ask about the Light or anyone else again but if you want to talk, I will always be, first and foremost, your friend. Even _when_ we're something more."

The room erupted into red light and I did my best to hide my smile from Star's widened eyes. Her shocked face quickly turned into a smirk. I breathed a quiet sigh of relief that she did not laugh in my face.

" _When_ you come tomorrow, can you bring me something to eat besides the crap here? It tastes freeze-dried."

"Of course, Star." I stood up from her bed and repositioned her blanket before walking out. I paused at the door. "It's a date."

***** _Den boró na stamatíso na skéftomai gia séna //_ _I_ _cannot stop thinking about you_   
***** _Tha klépso tin kardiá sou //_ _I_ _will steal_ _your_ _heart_


	5. Metis

_Cold sheets. Oh, where’s my love?_   
_I am searching high, I’m searching low in the night_

**OUTSKIRTS OF METROPOLIS**   
**Jul 10, 03:30**

The sun hadn't yet come up as Mercy and I waited in my car in an unused field outside of Metropolis. Bright lights showed on the road a ways away until the driver killed the lights as it made its way to us. A short, middle-aged man stepped out of the familiar beat up car and walked to the door where Mercy opened the door to let him in. 

Already sweating, he pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and dabbled his forehead and upper lip.

"Leon, you should use the money I give you on things like--I don't know--a car with air conditioning?"

"That money goes to other things, Luthor. Information costs money, you know that. I can't spare a dime."

"I trust you weren't followed?"

"I just told ya I don't waste dimes. You are my best customer. 'Professionalism above all else', that's mah motto. So what do you need from me this time, boss? Dirt on a rival company? Employee embezzling?"

"I need you to find Pyrrha."

The man's sudden confused expression was expected. It was public news that Pyrrha had fallen from my building on the fourth of July. I had repeated it multiple times to reporters, police, and various media. The story went that Pyrrha and I had separated after the Reach debacle, the backlash and heartbreak proved too much for her immaturity to handle and her wrath was aimed at me. My security dealt with her--perfectly legal--but in the tussle, she fell from the tower. Supposedly, she traveled a few blocks before causing an explosion where a body was found. The media had no idea that Marina was there and it stayed that way.

But I knew the truth...

... whenever I had the strength to break free from Queen Bee's thrall, that is. 

I had begged for Pyrrha to come back to me and when she showed up to protect me from Queen Bee, she found us in bed together instead. The guilt of knowing she was injured, betrayed, and alone because of me was crushing. I had to find her.

"Looking for someone of her standing will require a substantial increase in my account," Leon said boldly.

Leon was the best in his field--maybe not the most legal--but he always came through with results. Having that kind of expertise allowed him a foolish amount of courage. Especially when he knew that I would be willing to use up all of my assets to find Pyrrha.

"You'll find a more-than-appropriate amount has already been deposited into your off-shore account," I said, receiving a nod from Mercy for confirmation. "You'll get another equal deposit once you give me something substantial. Location, well-being, associates. Follow the smallest clue."

"And if I find the worst case scenario?" he asked carefully. My muscles tightened and I clenched my jaw.

"She. Isn't. Dead."

He looked at me cautiously and shrugged. "Whatever you say, boss. What's the word this time?"

We normally operated in secrecy to maintain my alibi in case anything went wrong but this situation had an added risk. With Savage and Klarion off-world, Black Manta and The Brain captured, Ra's Al Ghul dead to the world, and Pyrrha missing or worse, I was on my own with the power hungry queen. I had to remain enslaved until I at least knew the fate of Pyrrha before I began my retaliation against Marina.

"'Maldives'. The word will be 'Maldives'."

Leon just nodded and left the car to begin his work. Mercy began to drive out of the field and once on the road, turned her lights on as we made our way back to St Martin's. I glanced up to the rearview mirror to see worry in her eyes.

When Devastation attacked, Mercy helped Marina and I out of the apartment and left Pyrrha to fend for herself. Mercy's loyalty to me, even in an altered state, led Marina to believe she wasn't a threat. That was one of many mistakes in her plan. She didn't kill Pyrrha, she underestimated my intelligence and she didn't understand Mercy's loyalty.

Mercy was a professional but she was also loyal to a fault. She knew I was better when I was with Pyrrha. When she had seen Queen Bee had enthralled me, she played her part and knew that sooner or later, I would find a way through the fog of Marina's powers. Mercy couldn't do anything but wait for the memories to come back and protect me from Queen Bee finding out.

"Don't worry, Mercy. I'll fix this." 

She looked back for a moment before nodding and returning her eyes to the road. Once home, I went back to bed and Mercy removed all trace of us having left in the night. Silently, she pulled out a pill from a LexCorp labeled bottle and handed it to me with a glass of water. I held her wrist and looked up to see her scowling with worry--not that the average person saw a difference but I did. 

"Thank you," I said quietly, "I don't know what I would have done without you."

She nodded and I took the medicine. I laid back in bed and waited for the effect to take place.

_'Are you Lost, Lex?'_

As I waited for the chemicals to start to react, I couldn't keep Pyrrha's voice out of my head. I desperately wanted to hold on to the sound of her voice, hold on to the truth that I was about to lose.

A searing pain sliced through my head, forcing my eyes shut. If I had the state of mind to find a sharp object to dig the pain from my skull, I would have but Mercy and I had been through this and knew what needed to be removed from nearby. As I writhed in agony, Mercy stood by as she waited for the pill to take its course. To my relief, the pain subsided and I opened my eyes feeling completely exhausted from a massive headache.

"Mercy!" I called out as I squinted from the rising sun and saw her standing nearby with pills and water. "Oh, you're already here. I need to see someone about these headaches. They seem to be getting worse. Before I forget, set up a meeting with Marina. I'd like to see her tonight for dinner. Her country or mine--it doesn't matter. What's wrong, Mercy? You look worried. It's just a headache." 


	6. Pragma

_He said he liked me better as a mess_   
_He said he wants to save me from myself_

**Team Year Three**   
**MOUNT JUSTICE**   
**Oct 8, 10:00**

I held the small snowglobe in my hands and waited for all the snow to fall before shaking it again. I had found it only hours before Nightwing had sent an alert a few days ago that Jet Starling had gone missing on her mission and I had not let it out of my sight since. I knew that after Gotham's infamous Scarecrow tortured her--and if she was found alive--the terror did not stop just because she was found.

The days passed and Batman asked we give her time to wake up from her shock on her own. But with each day that passed, I grew increasingly guilty. What if I had been what distracted her?

The computer announced that Nightwing had arrived and I stood to greet him. His face showed fatigue and for a moment, he looked identical to Batman. He walked by me without a word, as if he had not noticed I was in the cave. I reached out to stop him and he looked at me startled.

"Any development?"

"No." His eyes lowered to the ground to hide the pain behind them. "She just stares out the window all day. They have to give her sleeping pills so she can sleep but she always wakes up screaming. She won't talk, she won't even acknowledge me or Batman. This was my fault. She shouldn't have been alone. I should have made him see that she wasn't ready."

"She _was_ ready. You know we all have been in similar situations. She could have done everything right and still have been taken." I said the words but I did not truly believe them. "Do not doubt her or her strength. She will get through this."

"You haven't seen her, Kal. She's..." he sighed and turned from me. "When I left her today, she grabbed my arm. She grabbed it and looked at her hand like it did it on its own. Scarecrow _broke_ her. He buried her and gassed her and he broke her. She must have been terrified thinking we'd never find her--that she would die alone. And Batman acts like this was a good thing! Like she needed fear to transcend or something. I don't know what to do."

"I think I can help her. Let me go to her. It is clear you need rest."

"What about the Team? The missions?"

"They'll be fine. Get rest. Starling would want you to stop worrying."

"She would tell me to get the hell away from her, actually. Before..." he sighed. "We've just been arguing more and more lately."

"Maybe because you have been treating her like a ' _sidekick_ ' and not the way we wanted to be treated when we were in her spot?"

"This is why you're the leader, Kal. You always know what to say to make me feel like the jerk I've been. Tell her I'm sorry."

"You can tell her when she is better."

Dick left and walked deeper into the cave and I went to the library. I grabbed a few of the books I knew she enjoyed, a bag of fresh clothes and left for Gotham General Hospital.

When I entered her room, I saw her sitting in a chair as she watched a bird out her window. I set my backpack down and pulled a book out before pulling a chair next to her.

There was no response.

"Hello, Starling," I said softly but was met with more silence. I poured myself a glass of water and sat next to her. Cautiously, I took hold of her hand expecting it to remain limp but was surprised to feel her hand cup mine with a strong grip. I smiled slightly and squeezed it back.

"I am going to stay with you until you come back. All I want from you is to focus on my voice, alright? Block everything else out. I am not going anywhere. I will not leave you. Just come back."

I opened a book and began to read:

"'There was no possibility of taking a walk that day. We had been wandering, indeed, in the leafless shrubbery an hour in the morning....'"

* * *

******Team Year Six  
** **WATCHTOWER**   
**July 30, 18:20**

I laid on the bed in my temporary hospitality suite in the temporarily hospitable Watchtower in the temporarily hospitable care of the temporarily hospitable Justice League.

_91, 92 ,93_

The light above me flickered and excitement coursed through me as I shot up and pointed at the light.

"Ha! I was right! I _knew_ you were flickering, you crafty sonofabit--" I sharply inhaled as my ribs screamed at me for moving too quickly. Slowly, I landed back into the bed and looked at my cell--I mean, room.

Kaldur had made good on his promise to get me out of the observational room. It was normal enough. It had a bed, a bathroom, a nightstand and a dresser. However, there was one glaring thing missing.

On the wall, there was a mount but no television. When I had arrived, I asked where it went but Kaldur just smiled and said he would bring me books to pass the time, cleverly sidestepping my question. Even in other areas of the Watchtower, the tvs were always off when I entered the room. They didn't want me to see the news which meant it was really bad. I could only assume I was being blamed for the Reach and public opinion was toxic towards me. Without me to defend my actions, people would tear my image down. I didn't care, though. Soon, Darkseid would be here and I could kill anyone I wanted.

Beginning with Lex Luthor. Then Marina. Then Bruce. And finally, for closure, myself.

I slapped my hands over my face as I noticed the light flicker again and groaned. I had once been in the world's most dangerous organization. Now I was a 'welcomed guest' of the Justice League... who stared at the ceiling and counted flickers to pass the time.

I was grateful that they took me in--I could walk now if only for a short time--but I took every kind gesture with a grain of salt. These people were _not_ my friends. I had no friends and I had no idea what I would do once I was out. I had no safety net until Darkseid arrived with Savage who hopefully would see my side in this mess. Until then, to the world, I should technically be in jail. The Justice League was buttering me up and protecting me from Earth's judicial process for one reason. They needed me to talk about the Warworld. But I saw through it. As soon as I said anything, it was off to Belle Reve--for life.

Treason against your country is one thing; treason against your _entire_ planet was another.

So I stayed quiet, waited for my body to heal enough so I could leave, and then I was on my own. Which would've been easy--except for him.

The once law-abiding, goody-two-shoe, honor-above-all, sweet and caring Kaldur'ahm ignored the orders from Batman himself and would visit me every day. He wouldn't leave unless I asked him to or he was forced to by obligations to the Team.

I was very proud of his transformation and claimed a bit of the credit about bringing his dark side out. However, his somewhat-forward confession had caught me off guard.

I had always thought Aqualad was cute way before I was anywhere near the Batcave but becoming a hero and having the opportunity to meet him only made the crush deeper. I even had the perfect ice breaker that was guaranteed to give me one on one time with him.

As I laid on the bed, a smile broke across my face as I remembered my plan from years ago. I had been building my battle robots as a hobby but the battery life on them was terrible--charging for twenty-four hours for maybe over an hour of activity. I found old Atlantean plans on tech that they use to light their cities but I couldn't read a damn thing. I could have used Gaggle translate or I could prey on the Atlantean who didn't realize how hot he was.

We spent months together, and by months I mean a combined amount of maybe twelve hours. Most of that, I was on Batman's leash and just when things began to finally get somewhere, Scarecrow nabbed me.

I wasn't the same but I tried to be. I trained harder than before, immediately jumped back in the game, never brought it up, but everyone looked at me different. In their eyes, I was broken. Needless to say, my love life was put on hold. Kaldur stopped looking at me the way I wanted so I stopped looking at him. There were flings here and there with civilians who never knew my alter ego, Jet Starling, but no one stuck around.

So when Lex asked if Kaldur was a problem for me or if there was anything there, I was honest in saying 'no'. Kaldur had become just a part of my past but with every visit, a pull at my heart grew stronger and stronger and at one moment, I let myself see him as a friend. When my world was falling apart and when my mind had broken, he was there for me to hold on to. Then I figuratively spat in his face and left with Lex even though Kaldur was trying to warn me about something concerning Luthor.

I cringed at the memory of my 'activities' during the end of the world and fought back the tears. I beat myself up over what must have been going through Kaldur's head when I walked away from him. And even worse, that was the last time he had seen me until I begged the League for help. How panicked must he have been to have seen me disappear with Luthor, fall off the radar, then show up on the doorstep of the Watchtower broken and bloodied? He never brought it up and if he wasn't going to talk about it, I wasn't either.

' _I will always be your friend. Even_ when _were something more.'_

As romantic as that moment should have been for me, it wasn't. He had watched me die in front of him so of course he was going to be emotional over it. He didn't mean what he said--not really. So I wasn't going to dash the poor boy's hopes and tell him that I was in no condition to even think about being friends after I was better--let alone date him. The concept seemed foreign and childish especially with what I knew was coming so that ' _when_ ' he mentioned would never happen.

Even though I resigned myself to a lonely life filled with murder and revenge, that didn't stop me from watching the clock for our evening walk and dinner.

A knock on the door made my heart race and I flew answer it. I smoothed my Watchtower-issued loungewear--a hideous grey suit similar to an orange one that had my name on it at Belle Reve--and opened the door to see a smiling Kaldur.

"Hey Sta--"

"No time for talking, Tats." I grabbed his arm and yanked him around. "I've been waiting for you all day and you're _late_."

"I am only twenty minutes late, Star."

"Do you have any idea how many _flickers_ that is?"

He playfully rolled his eyes and ignored my crazy as I pulled him into the hallway. He cleared his throat loudly to scold my flying. Sheepishly, I glowed a little as I smiled and landed, keeping my arm linked with his. My legs were stiff and already ached with every movement but I bit through it to try to hide my slight limp.

"You seem better today," he said as he looked me up and down. As if trying to hide my injuries weren't hard enough, Kaldur's openness about his feelings for me made controlling my glow near impossible. "You are not hanging on me like usual."

"Are you congratulating me, Tats?" I narrowed my eyes. "Or complaining?"

"Both." I looked up at him but his eyes were straight ahead as we began to see workers and League members walking around. A thought went through my head that maybe he knew I was waiting to run and maybe he was so forward because he needed to let me know before I disappeared--to stop me from vanishing as well.

"You can walk on your own at any time, you know," he broke the silence. I squeezed his arm involuntarily as a pain shot through my left hip which was still sore from being shattered from the fall. He gently put his free hand over mine and slowed our pace.

"I feel better when you're here. I don't want to face these people on my own. They stare."

"I promise no one will bite you."

"Biting would be tolerable--enjoyable, even." I watched as a worker was about to walk past Kaldur. I barely lunged in front of Kaldur and loudly chomped at the man. Terrified, he slammed into the wall with his arms outstretched and scurried away once we walked past.

Kaldur tried to keep his laughter contained and when I watched him try to contain his laughter, I realized I was only focused on him biting his lip. I took a deep breath and looked ahead, thinking of anything besides his lips. Comedic diversion would have to do.

"So, how was work, dear?" I put on my best 1950's housewife voice.

"It was good," he said in his normal voice. He was never good at the game.

"Tell me _all_ about it over the pot roast I have been slaving over all day. I simply must know everything! Then I'll give you your night cigar and brandy as you unwind from your tiresome day." I looked up to see him scrunching his nose and my heat began to rise. _He's not cute, Pyrrha. Stop thinking he's adorable!_

"That all sounds terrible."

"How dare you say my pot roast is terrible! It's my mother's recipe!" I placed the back of my hand to my forehead and feigned distress. "You never liked Mother! Oh, she warned me about this. There's someone else isn't there? You never loved me at all! You big brute! See if I ever make your favorite meal again!"

And he laughed.

The sound of it made me have to slightly rise off the ground and pretend to walk just so I could focus on not glowing. It was a full, strong laugh but he would always finish by smirking and chuckling which would only make his lips more inviting.

I watched him like I enjoyed the torture.

He glanced over at me and I snapped my head forward as he cleared his throat.

"Remember when we used to watch movies together?" He said it with a smile but I felt my own smile fade. "You would annoy Connor so much by quoting along with the movies with M'gann and Wally. I loved that."

I glowed brightly as I fell back to the ground but my knees buckled at the impact. Kaldur instinctively grabbed me to keep me from falling.

"I'm fine," I snapped and pushed his hands off of me. "It was just a hitch. It'll happen."

"It was because I said 'Wally', wasn't it?" I didn't care meet his eyes and instead, stared at the people that walked past us, pretending they didn't just see me nearly fall.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Star--"

"Enough!" I boomed as I locked eyes with Kaldur's light green ones. The walking around us paused momentarily and I noticed after everyone resumed walking, we were suddenly a no-go hallway. Kaldur kept his eyes on mine but he didn't mirror my anger. He looked like he wanted to say something but instead just gave up.

"Fine. Let's keep walking then to strengthen your legs."

We began walking again but I didn't link my arm through his as I pouted.

"I'm sorry," I finally said. Apologizing felt like a knife in my gut. "I don't like thinking about my time as Jet. I'm a different person now."

"I don't believe that. You are still that girl I met years ago."

"Yeah," I scoffed. "Aside from being a walking medical chart of where the veins, arteries, and capillaries are in a human body, I haven't changed. Aside from being a cold blooded murderer, I haven't changed. Aside from losing my mind for six months, yeah, I haven't changed."

Kaldur said nothing as we walked by a group of young members of the Team who were huddled and laughing about something. One saw me and nudge the others. I noticed one of them was a young kid from the group of metateens we cultivated with the Reach. His eyes held no love for me whatsoever and if looks could kill, I would be out of my misery in a heartbeat. Almost reflexively, I took Kaldur's arm again which forced me to look up at him. He had a blank expression but I could tell he was trying not to look at me.

"Do you want to talk about it?" His voice was tight. I let go of his arm and he sighed. He asked me the same question every day. And every day I answered the same.

"No."

"Star--"

"Let's just get to the cafeteria. I'm already feeling tired."

"Same Jet Starling. Walls go up and no one can get through."

"Ever think maybe I have those walls for a reason, Tats?"

"I think about it all the time. Ever think maybe if you let someone in, you could realize those walls have no need to be up?"

"Ever think maybe _you_ are one of my reasons?" He looked at me as if I had stabbed him. "Don't bother asking. If you didn't know, I'm not going to tell you."

"Stop trying to fight me. I am not your enemy."

I scoffed. "Dick used to tell me that all the time. How does he feel about you hanging around me?"

"Our relationship is none of his business."

"He's Dick Grayson. _Everyone's_ business is his business."

"I will not start this argument with you. If you are upset with Dick or Luthor or Batman or whoever, be mad at them. Stop taking it out on me."

I stopped and like a bratty child, I started walking back to my room but he surprised me by grabbing my hand tight. I turned back and glared at him.

"Let. Me. Go."

"No," he said calmly. Unsure of what to do besides attack him, I dropped my tough act and took a step towards him to relieve the strain on our arms.

"You're supposed to leave when I yell at you."

"Is that what _he_ did?" he asked genuinely.

I nodded. "Or I would."

"Did you argue often? Did you... fight?"

I said nothing. He held my hand tight and took a step closer.

"You cannot scare me away and you cannot push me away. I only want you to talk to me. You cannot keep this in. What happened after he took you into LexCorp Tower ?"

"Gods, Tats," I scoffed. "No. _That_ is none of _your_ business."

"He did something and you are taking it out on me. Seems to make it my business." I turned but he stood in front of me. "But I will take it, Star. I will let you keep trying to push me away so I can prove I am not him. I am sorry that he did not love you and I am even more sorry that it made you filled with hate and fear. Why did you even stay that long?" He sighed and looked away at all the people doing their best to stay out of the hall. He looked back at me. "Was it because you loved him?"

"I _hate_ him."

"That is not an answer."

"You wouldn't understand. Can we talk about something else?"

He rubbed his face and even though I saw I was wearing him down, that didn't make me want to let up. If anything, it just made me want to piss him off more and maybe he would finally let me go.

"We are right next to the cafeteria. You can ignore me in there." He let go of my hand and we walked into the large hall where other heroes and workers were busy working or eating. I looked around and saw a few familiar faces but as usual, no one looked my way. I wondered what the safety briefing on me must have sounded like? Was Kaldur really the only one that decided I was worth breaking a rule?

That's when I heard it. Like a knife in my back, his voice could be heard through the room's chatter. I could hear Kaldur talking about how this kid named Impulse had probably eaten all pudding but everything besides the voice began to fade as I walked towards the television in the corner of the cafeteria.

"Big month for you!" The reporter, Cat Grant, laughed onscreen.

"I try to make every month a big month." Lex's voice sounded deep and charming. My stomach churned at seeing him completely normal, as if I didn't just accept his invitation to be something more a few months ago, as if I didn't show him how I felt about him in Maldives, as if he didn't completely betray me by spying on me and putting me in a pod for two months, as if he didn't screw Marina in front of me and break my black heart for the hundredth time.

"I'm sorry, Aqualad," a meek voice said beside me and I could feel Kaldur's presence behind me. "You guys didn't show up so I thought it was okay to turn it on. I'm sorry."

"Turn it off," his voice was quiet but pissed. "Now."

"I have to find the remote."

"Anyone touches anything and I will kill you faster than Superman can fly." I flew towards the tv, my eyes locked on Lex. Kaldur grabbed my hand hard but I shook him off.

"You helped save the world," Grant continued, "nominated for U.N. secretary, and then the attempted assassination by Pyrrha. How did that feel that she used you to get the Reach what they wanted?"

"To be quite honest with you, I'm tired of answering these questions. Pyrrha and I were _nothing_ serious and her betrayal was more a betrayal to all of mankind, not just me."

_You piece of shit._

"But she tried to _kill_ you. That seems personal."

"She was a confused _girl_ and was easily manipulated by the allure of extraterrestrials and their empty promises to her. If the worst thing that came out of this was my almost-assassination, I'd say I did my duty to the world."

"Brave words from a brave man."

_This is a joke. This has to be a freaking joke. This asshole is a hero?!_

"However, now she's missing, presumed dead. How do you feel about that?"

A flicker of something flashed in his eyes. Before I could analyze it, it disappeared.

"If she is, in fact, dead, I hope that it was quick. She didn't deserve that kind of death even if she did try to kill me."

_I tried to kill Marina. Why is no one talking to her?_

"You're so kind to be worried about a _crazy ex_ who tried to kill you. But that brings me to my next question."

"I was wondering when you'd ask."

"It's a hot topic! Rumors are you've been seen with the queen of Bialya. What's happening with that?"

"Just friends." He laughed and I felt my heart break again.

"That's what you said about Pyrrha."

"The two are _nothing_ alike, trust me." He winked and I couldn't help but feel it was a jab to me personally. "I don't think the Queen will be planning on world domination or assassinations anytime soon."

"On the off chance Pyrrha is alive and watching, what would you say to her?"

He thought for a moment and turned to face the camera. A chill came over me as I saw his acid green eyes again.

"If you are lost and feeling alone, Pyrrha, I just want you to know I forgive you. I'm not Lost, Pyrrha, and neither should you be."

I choked back a sob but instead I could hear laughing. It wasn't until I had to breathe that I realized it was me. Laughing like a maniac, like the villain I was, laughing in a room full of heroes who had heard their own nemeses laugh in a similar way.

The screen turned off and I stopped my psychotic breakdown to turn and see Kaldur holding the remote. His light green eyes blazed as they challenged me to turn him to ash. I walked to him, glowing a deep, angry red, until we stood toe to toe but he didn't back down.

"Stop. Protecting. Me."

"From who," he growled. "I don't know if I should protect you from him--or yourself." I could see by the tiny beads of sweat on his forehead that I was getting too hot and out of control but I didn't care. What could the League do to me that hasn't already been done?

A tray clattered and my red eyes locked onto a terrified worker. That's when I realized the whole cafeteria was staring at me. Some were scared, some were angry, and some just looked at me with pity.

"What are you looking at? Huh?! What are any of you looking at?!" I roared but a sharp pain in my chest forced me to my knees in front of everyone I had just threatened. I squeezed my eyes tight as the pain radiated throughout my body. I felt a hand on my back and could faintly hear Kaldur's voice but that only reminded me I was being watched. With my eyes shut, I pushed him away but screamed from the pain. His arms caught me and I sank into his chest to try to catch my breath but my panic was too much. I could feel his muscles tense with every wave of heat I radiated.

I gritted my teeth and tightly closed my eyes, trying to will Audrey's--or my own--calming tactic to work but there was no calming wave. All I could see was everyone glaring at me, Lex completely okay with me being dead, and Kaldur angry with me.

"Star." Kaldur's deep voice was soft as he whispered in my ear but it still had the strength to cut through all of my blinding pain. "Breathe. Block everything out except my voice. Come back."

The rush of calm came to me easier than ever and caught me off guard. He eased my fears with just the sound of his voice but I was too afraid to open my eyes.

"Get me out of here," I whispered, "please."

He scooped me up and carried me out of the cafeteria as I heard the murmurs begin. I groaned and buried my face in his chest to hide my embarrassment. His arms held me tighter in response.

"He called me ' _girl_ '," I whispered. "He's never referred to me as a girl. Something isn't right." I didn't think Kaldur's chest could be any tighter but I was wrong. Every muscle tightened to the point I thought something would snap.

"What is not right is that you are still thinking about him." His chest rumbled as he spoke. "He does not deserve another moment of your time."

I kept quiet until we made it to my room and he set me on my bed. He walked back to the door and closed it but didn't move. I looked over at him as he stared at the door.

"Starling, I need to tell you something," he said quietly as he turned around. "It's been weighing on me but I think you need to know. When I ran into M'gann on the Reach ship, I saw samples in their labs from you. The dates went back weeks."

"But that was before Luthor sent me to them," I mused. I looked down at my scarred arms mentally slapping myself in the forehead at being so dense. Luthor was using me since New Years. Maybe even before that. "Why did they they need _my_ blood? They had all those teens?"

"They said Luthor asked them to work on something."

"That could mean anything," I sighed. Kaldur sat down on the bed next to me but I scooted back to put my back against the wall and put distance between us.

"How did he get the samples without you knowing?"

"I don't know." I thought about the nightmare of him driving a needle through my skin. "I'm not mad but why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I tried. I warned you at the summit and the next morning but things got in the way." He fidgeted for a moment as if it physically hurt him to be so far away from me. I sighed and nodded to the spot next to me which he quickly moved to. "That is the reason why we took out your tv. He is on all day, every day. The reporters bring you two up and he throws you under the bus at every turn."

" _Fantastic_. Thank you for telling me." Lost in thought, my hands went into autopilot and I took Kaldur's hand in my own. I watched as goosebumps rose on his arm at my slight give in our strange relationship. Gently, I parted his hand to see the webbing between his fingers and touched it gently. "'Sorry' and 'Thanks' for earlier. I know I can be stubborn."

He hummed in agreement as I touched his hand more and I could feel the energy relax between us. He turned his head to whisper in my ear.

"I would be lying if I said I did not enjoy it." His hot breath on my ear made the room burned a bright red that seemed almost a shade of pink. He chuckled and leaned his head in to touch mine. "I enjoy being the one who can calm your fire--the one you can talk to."

My body tensed. He noticed and leaned back. I gripped his hand tight as I looked up at him with a cold stare.

"Because you've always been able to get me to let my walls down, right? Because you've always had a way to get me to talk?"

"Stamáta, Astéri," he said in exasperation and mumbled in another language as I pushed him off my bed.

"For the last time! I. Do not. Understand. Atlantean!"

"I know! I apologize!"

"Don't be sorry for that! You should be sorry at being so bad at lying that I can see through your little scheme to get me to turn on the Light."

"They tried to kill you!" He raised his voice with mine, something Kaldur seldom did.

"The Light had nothing to do with that. Queen Bee did and I'm not entirely sure Lex had a part in it." Kaldur groaned loudly and leaned against the dresser, rubbing his blond hair in frustration.

"I am at a loss as to what it is you possibly see in Luthor."

"That's none of your business."

"You _are_ my business!" he exploded. I had never heard Kaldur yell and I was slightly disappointed in myself for causing it. "And you would rather be mad at _me_ than him? He locked you away for months. He took samples from you against your will. He hurt you. No, Star, I will not watch you run back to him." I could see the pain in his face as he breathed heavily and rubbed his hand over his face. The room became eerily quiet with the absence of our yelling.

" _Please_ tell me what happened. Help me understand. You hated him after the summit. What did he do to you to make you stay by his side? Did he hurt you?"

"Not physically," I said quietly. I remembered flying home after the summit to find Lex had been inside my apartment to give me back my phone, which he had also been in. Lex didn't do physical threats. He excelled in psychological torture. I thought I had the strength to hurt him when the Reach tried to end the world but instead, I let myself be led to his apartment. I let myself... I let him...

"Lex never laid a hand on me." I paused, afraid to admit to Kaldur my secrets. "But I hurt him." Kaldur tensed and I didn't look up to meet his eyes. Abuse was abuse and being a superpowered human made it even worse to me. "I burned him. I hit him. I bit him. And then," my chest grew tight and as much as I wanted to not tell Kaldur, he needed to know. He needed to see me for what I was.

"And then I slept with him."

I forced myself to look at him as he stood by my dresser. Kaldur tried to keep his face emotionless but I knew that was the last thing he wanted to hear.

_Time to rip the other band aid._

"And I didn't go to kill him on the fourth like everyone thinks. I went to _protect_ him. I thought Queen Bee was going to hurt him. Because even after everything he did--everything _I_ did--I loved him." I thought for a moment and swallowed back the tears that threatened to turn into sobs. "I still love him."

After what felt like an eternity of Kaldur standing perfectly still, he sighed deeply and fidgeted with my small collection of snowglobes accumulating on my desk.

"Why?" His voice was hoarse and strained. "Why him? Of all people?"

"Because when I was all alone, he was there for me. Because I believe he's a good man." I laughed at how psychotic I sounded. "When he wants to be, that is. I thought if I could bring that out of him, if I could get the world to see what I see, the world would be a better place. But I guess I got what I deserved."

Kaldur turned back around and in a fluid motion, crossed the room, sat next me and took my hands between his. His face was serious but kind as he kept his eyes locked on mine.

"Do not say that again. Don't you ever say you deserved anything he did to you." He sighed as his eyes dropped to watch out hands as he rubbed his thumb in small circles on my left hand suspiciously close to a certain finger. There was a time where that would've sent me to the moon and I could've died happy that night. Now, it felt as if I weren't allowed to enjoy it. I could only see the terrifying contrast between his dark skin and tattoos and my translucent white skin and glowing veins.

"I will treat you the way you deserve," he continued. I looked up to see his seagreen eyes looking at me as he smiled. "And I will make you forget about him."

I glowed a pinkish red, surprising myself at the odd color. "Tall order, Tats."

"I will do it," he laughed as he raised my hands to his lips and kissed the tops of both. "Because that's how much you mean to me."

I realized I was biting my bottom lip hard in an effort to control the glow and the heat.

Embarrassed, I lowered my head. His hand dropped my right hand and began to raise to my chin.

_'May I?'_

My vision went black as I was overwhelmed with memories of Lex and when I came back to reality, Kaldur was pushing himself up off the ground. A burning pain radiated from the knuckles from my right hand.

I rose off the bed as the realization hit me that I had just sucker punched my only friend. He looked up at me as he rubbed his reddened jaw and I stopped in my spot as another flash came of Lex looking up at me with anger and acidic green eyes after I hit him. I flew back to the furthest wall and held my arms across my chest to keep from hurting Kaldur again.

"Get out, Kaldur," I said more scared than I wanted to show. He stood up and smiled.

"It's okay, Star."

"It's not okay! Get out, please!"

He looked at me confused but nodded. "Fine, I'll see you tomorrow."

"No," I said firmly. He turned back and looked at me with a slight panic. "Don't come back. I don't want you to come back. Let me heal so I can just leave this stupid space station."

"Please do not push me away _again_ ," he said with a tinge of anger creeping into his voice.

"Don't come back. I'll leave this stupid station and turn myself in if you do. Just leave me alone." I clutched my arms to myself tightly as part of me screamed to just shut up.

"Okay, Star. You know how to reach me," he said quietly as he left, softly closing the door. I wished he would've slammed it. I landed on my bed and let the tears fall as I self-destructed.

"You asshole," I whispered to Lex. "You've ruined me."

**A/N: I know. Crazy long.** **I'm** **super** **sorry but it was only 2k** **this** **morning** **. I** **have** **no idea how it jumped to 6k. I** **would've** **split it** **but** **I'm** **already looking at 30+ chapters** **and** **I** **figured** **I'd** **try** **to make up for the Lex chapter... even though this one** **ended** **badly. Again,** **it's** **worth it. Just remember Pyrrha is super duper** **damaged** **and** **true love** **doesn't** **heal everything. 30+ chapters do.** **Thanks** **for reading, commenting,** **voting** **, and being wonderful people.**


	7. Peísma

_Smile,_   
_the worst is yet to come_

**Team Year Three**   
**GOTHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL**   
**Oct 13, 18:30**

Kaldur's deep but soothing voice echoed in my ears as he read, making it seem as if he were further away even though I knew he sat at my side--as he had been since the moment he arrived.

" _"She is tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me; and I am in no humour at present to give consequence to young ladies who are slighted by other men. You had better return to your partner and enjoy her smiles, for you are wasting your time with me."_

 _"'Mr. Bingley followed his advice. Mr. Darcy walked off; and Elizabeth remained with no very cordial feelings towards him...'_ "

I could feel Kaldur's strong hand in mine, hear his rhythmic words, smell the familiar scent of the ocean breeze, and I could see the small black and blue bird that visited my window every morning... but each sense remained separated in my mind. It was as if I were watching multiple tvs at once. My mind was protecting itself from even thinking about being buried alive and repeatedly forced to endure hours of Scarecrow's latest Fear Gas creation. I could take a step back and watch them all but if I wanted to pay attention to a single one, the others had to become white noise.

I had few visitors outside of the nurses and doctors. Bruce came often but he stayed behind me, silent as ever, so I stopped watching the 'television' he showed up on. Barbara would come in and rub my hand or back, hug me, tell me how loved I am, and spout all the necessary bullshit you see in movies that 'save' the damaged soul but I just stared at the little bird as he began his nest outside my window. Barbara tried, I'll give her that. At least she didn't constantly apologize like Dick did.

_"I'm so sorry, Reg."_

_"I should've told him you weren't ready, Reg."_

_"I should've been there, Reg."_

... RegRegReg...

... Sorrysorrysorry...

I stopped watching his tv just to keep what little sanity I had left. I only tuned back in when they stood up or shifted to leave. I begged them not to go, not to leave me alone again, but nothing came out. That required another tv that I didn't have.

But one voice stayed. One voice didn't leave. He didn't try to get me to talk, didn't apologize, didn't tell me how everyone missed me, and best of all, there were no awkward silences where he tried to say the right thing.

Kaldur read book after book, even after his voice grew tired and hoarse. His lilting Atlantean accent as he read familiar stories made it so I didn't have to work so hard just to listen. It was like listening to music while I worked on something else. I didn't have to pay attention but I still knew exactly what he said.

He read even as the nurses put me in my bed and gave me my sleeping medication until he politely asked them to let me try one night without it. It was the first night that I didn't scream myself awake and when I woke, he smiled and began reading.

True to his word, he didn't leave me and soon, I was able to focus on his voice, his rough hand in mine, the bird hopping outside my window and smell his familiar scent all at once. My mind still kept the incident locked up but I found my way out of the fog, thanks to Kaldur.

Kaldur set the book down as he finished and pulled out another one from his bag. A silence hung in the air and I felt the urge to speak.

"C-could you read it... again?" My voice wasn't as raspy as I thought it would be and it surprised Kaldur as well. He jumped at it and I could see him from the corner of my eye looking at me. Nervously, I took my eyes off the bird that was adding to his nest in the small tree out my window and I took the chance to look at Kaldur. I wanted to see him look at me like he did before Scarecrow grabbed me, before everyone came in and looked at me like I was broken. I wanted him to see me so I could know I was still me.

I turned my head towards him and our eyes met but we weren't in a movie or in the books he read. There was no rekindling of the spark we had. When my grey eyes looked at his green ones, all I saw was pity, all I felt was regret, all I heard was silence. Except for the screaming white noise of all the compartmentalized senses in my mind.

_Maybe I didn't see it right. Maybe I'm just freaking out. No, he's fake smiling now. This can't be right. There was something there, right? He didn't just do all this for nothing. Do I really look that broken? I'm not broken. How dare he look at me like that? He can't really think I'm broken. Can he?_

He took a deep breath in and lowered his eyes as he grabbed the book again. I mentally begged him to look at me but he didn't. He only started the book over like I asked. He read and read until I fell asleep but it wasn't the same. Everything was different now. I was poor, broken Reggie who couldn't handle her first solo mission.

_Screw him, screw everyone. I never needed them before. I don't need them now._

**MOUNT JUSTICE**   
**Oct 23, 18:30**

I was discharged out of the hospital and immediately jumped back into the black and white Jet Starling suit. I knew others believed it was too soon for me to get back in the game but it's what I needed. Bruce didn't say no so it's not like anyone else's opinion mattered. I only wanted to feel normal again.

In my civvies with sunglasses, a backpack, and a heavy box filled with the pieces of a dismantled robot, I walked through the zeta and into Mount Justice. I was in a hurry to get back to the Batcave and so lost in my thoughts that my feet were on autopilot as I made my way to the bedrooms. All Team members had one even if they were based elsewhere as sort of a 'crash pad' as Wally put it which was exactly whose room I was on a subconscious beeline towards.

"Starling!"

I froze in place as the familiar lilting voice made my heart began to race. Before, it made my heart feel like it would pop out of my chest and start singing show tunes or something. Now my heart just turned all of my emotions off to protect itself from him. Angered at being stopped, I whipped around nearly clipping Kaldur with the box.

"Oh!" He effortlessly stepped back, narrowly evading my deadly cardboard box attack. He smiled warmly as he looked up at me and chuckled. The sound of it made my cheeks flush which sent another wave of angry heat throughout my body as my heart betrayed me.

"I apologize," he said. "I did not mean to startle you."

"You _didn't_ startle me," I snapped back, keeping my face and emotions as blank as possible. A small lock of my short, black hair dangled in front of my face as if it were telling me to calm down. I let out a puff of air to blow it out of my face only for it to land in an even more inconvenient spot, mocking me. I held my breath as Kaldur reached up and tucked the hair behind my ear. His fingers grazed the edge of my ear softly and made my entire body feel like it was going to spontaneously combust. And I hated it. It wasn't a flirting touch. He was pitying me again.

He took his hand back once he noticed my face didn't change and awkwardly placed it behind him. I could see he wished his Aqualad suit had pockets to hide his hands before they embarrassed him again. His eyes made their way to the contents of the box and he looked up at me with a questioning frown.

"Robot parts for Wally," I explained as I raised and dropped the box to show him the heaviness hoping he would notice and let me pass with as little amount of small talk as possible. I didn't get my wish as his green eyes were locked on to me with this ridiculous sparkle like I was holding a box filled with baby seals or something.

"To fix?"

"To have." I shifted my weight on my feet as the box began to feel heavier the longer I stood. "Never figured out that Atlantean 'Aster' plan and I don't have time to try... _or_ the help."

Kaldur's eyes widened innocently. "Because of the Atlantean... the Atlantean I was supposed to help you with."

"Yeah."

"If it still interests you, I could see what I can make of the plans."

"No. I'm moving on."

His eyes darkened and his eyebrows twitched together before he caught it and relaxed them. I fought to keep my face unreadable as well. A month ago, I let my walls down completely with him and now he was the person who terrified me more than anyone else.

"M-moving on?" he stuttered.

"From using Atlantean power. I'm sure I can find some other way, one that I don't need to learn an entire language for."

"Oh, I see. That sounds sensible."

"Yeah, sensibility is what I'm known for," I said with a bite. My arms were aching and so was my heart the longer I stood near him. "Maybe green energy or something. Solar or wind..."

He hummed in agreement to which I tilted my head slightly and scoffed. His green eyes shot to mine showing his hurt.

"That was a joke, Blondie. There's no way solar power could create enough energy to power one of these." I bounced the box in front of him again as he finally began to understand I wanted him to leave me alone.

"Oh." He frowned which for some reason only brought my attention to how full his lips were. "Funny."

"Yeah, you can tell because we're both laughing." Even I knew my sarcasm was about to go into overdrive but I couldn't stop. His frown went from sadness to a slight flash of anger or whatever the Kaldur equivalent would be. "Listen, this has been great fun but my arms are dying so if you don't mind..."

Without a word, he waved his hands forward slightly to usher me along. I took a deep breath and began walking down the hallway but rolled my eyes as I realized he was walking with me. Not just with me but close enough for our hands to keep brushing each other and it drove me insane.

We walked to the outside of Wally's door where an obnoxiously loud song was playing from. With my arms filled with robot guts, I lifted my leg to kick on the door. Kaldur put his hand out to stop me and lightly rapped on the door instead. I clenched my jaw and smiled as thanks but gods, did I want him to just walk the hell away from me. A light breeze the came from under the door and muffled voices.

"Just because _you_ can dress fast doesn't mean _I_ can, Wally."

I fought to contain my smirk as I saw Kaldur stand straighter next to me. Certain things were bound to happen when people lived together and one of those things was the awkward moment of knocking on a couple's door as they are in the middle of...

"Are you ready?"

"Does it look like I'm ready?"

"You're so slow!"

"Excuse me!?"

"I mean, I love you, babe."

"It's just me, guys." I called through the door as my arms were completely done with this ridiculous visit. The door opened and I was greeted with Wally's big smile but it quickly fell. He closed his door slightly at the sight of his leader standing next to me.

"Oh, how rude of me to forget introductions." I raised my hands up to do a mock showcase of the tall Atlantean next to me. "This is my bodyguard, Kaldur'ahm. He's here to make sure I don't stub my toe on a hallway rug or accidentally get lost."

I saw his shoulders slump slightly out of the corner of my eye and heard the disembodied voice of Artemis sigh and--I assumed from the sound--slapped her forehead. Even Wally frowned at my poor joke. I knew I was being mean but having Kaldur near me hurt. Having him baby me was even worse.

"Anyways," I tried to show I didn't care for their reactions, "here's the parts. Be kind to it. It didn't live a long life."

Wally took the heavy box from me and while my arms felt a thousand times better, Kaldur's proximity to me made me want to scream.

"Definitely!" The redhead's eyes lit up as he held the box like it were nothing. "Hey, I've been thinking about trying to find a way to use kinetic energy to charge them. The more they move, the more energy they produce."

"That's amazing!" I let my blank face dissolve into excitement. "But how would you be able to produce more than it consumes?"

Artemis coughed behind Wally with a audible ' _nerds_ ' but Wally just smiled brighter. I thought to myself about how wished that I had that; someone who made me happy even when they were making fun of me.

"We should set some time apart and figure it together. They are your babies after all."

"She needs to remain free from distractions," Kaldur snapped at Wally. I heard another facepalm from inside and Wally visibly winced.

"What is _that_ supposed to mean?" I turned to face Kaldur expecting to see his embarrassment but instead saw his face was deadly serious as he glared back at me. My face began to burn for two completely different reasons. One: he had now officially pissed me off. Two: Stern Kaldur is illegally attractive. because of these conflicting feelings, I threw the second reason to the back of my mind and focused on the first one.

"Are you saying I was distracted when Scarecrow grabbed me?" I seethed. "That's what it sounds like, Kaldur. It sounds like you're saying I can't handle my own damn business."

"With your university classes, learning Atlantean, working with Batman, and playing with robots, you may have been stretched thin and it cost you."

Another facepalm sounded from behind the door. Artemis was going to have a red forehead if Kaldur didn't shut up.

"Playing?!" I said with a just a pinch of hysteria. "It's clear you don't know a damn thing about me or what happened to me because I was doing just fine that day. In fact, I was having the best week of my life and everything was great! Scarecrow nabbed me because he knew I was gonna be there. It was a trap. No one's fault but the hand I was dealt. But if you think I can't handle myself or my workload, it's a good thing _you_ forgot about our Atlantean lessons right? One thing I don't have to ' _stretch_ ' myself to do. Wow! I feel a thousand times less stressed. I should've stopped learning Atlantean months ago!"

... I hurt him. That was clear as day. Kaldur wasn't good at lying and I could see I cut him deep. He blinked a few times before lowering his eyes from mine and I wanted to die as I couldn't help but hear me telling Dick that Kaldur could never make me mad. Now here we were.

"If that is how you feel," he glanced at Wally who stood still awkwardly holding the heavy box of parts, "I need to check on the teams." He turned and left down the hall without another word. My mind was ruthlessly beating me up inside, begging me to chase him, tackle him, tell him why I'm hurt. But humans are funny like that. A simple conversation could've prevented everything. Literally everything from that day on but instead, I stood stubborn as a mule.

"He's just trying to help, Jet," Wally said quietly as he put the box down and stepped out to me, closing the door.

"He can help by just staying away from me. Everything he says pisses me off lately," I pouted and ran my fingers through my short hair.

"Is this about Kal?" He tilted his head to get my attention. "Or Batman?"

The hairs on the back of my neck stood up as I looked at Wally with fury building inside me.

"What the hell does this have to do with _him_?"

"I think you came back too soon."

"Batman said I was fine."

"Batman can be an idiot sometimes." He rubbed the back of his neck and smiled sadly. "You went through some heavy stuff. I think you blame Batman subconsciously and won't take it out on him so you are taking it out on the only one that stayed at your side."

"Stayed by my side?" I scoffed. "The moment I stepped out of the hospital, radio silence. _Nothing_! I didn't hear from him once!"

The door clicked softly and opened. Artemis stepped out as she put her blonde hair back up into a ponytail and Wally looked at her with a thankful smile. She gave his shoulder a squeeze and then folded her arms as she stood in front of me.

"He is worried about you. We all are. You need time to heal after what happened."

"What I need is for everyone to stop treating me like what happened defines me. I was buried alive, I was in shock, I got over it. Acting like I'm going to break apart at any moment is going to _make_ me break apart and I wont be blaming Scarecrow for it. I'll be blaming all of you. It's that kind of shit that turns someone to the dark side." I sighed and rubbed my temples. The simple drop off turned into the biggest headache. "I just want to be normal again."

"When have any of us been normal?" Artemis laughed as she came forward and hugged me. "We love you. If you say you're okay, we'll do our best to believe it. Just know we are here if you need us, Right, Wally?"

"If I say 'right', can I have some of this group hug?" Wally joked as he stepped forward to us but his face ran into Artemis' hand. "Then again, I could just let you guys enjoy your moment. That's cool, too."

I pulled away from Artemis and checked my watch.

"Thanks, guys, but I gotta go."

"Mission tonight?" Artemis asked.

"Going to Tibet. I think Batman just wants to see his girlfriend," I rolled my eyes and walked away before calling back. "By the way, Wally, your shirt is inside out."

"Heh, oops." Facepalm.

I walked down the hallway feeling like the air had been cleared between us but I felt like shit for yelling at Kaldur. I came up to his closed door and reached into my backpack to pull out a small, cheap snowglobe the I had taken from the hospital's gift shop on my way out. I had been holding on to it, waiting for the right time to give it to him but that time never came. It wasn't an apology but it was something. I set it in front of his door and sighed before heading to the zeta.

When I walked to the large part of the cavern, I saw Kaldur was talking to Aquagirl. She laughed as they said something in Atlantean and a hot surge of jealousy bolted through me. I knew she was with Tempest but that didn't stop me from irrationally deciding to leave without saying goodbye.

I selected from the computer's destinations and prepared to zeta to Gotham.

"Recognized: Jet Starling. A12."

I walked forward and as I entered the zeta, I heard Kaldur's voice.

"Goodbye, Starling."

I looked back to see him turning back to Aquagirl who looked at me with a slight degree of defensiveness. Before I could analyze her reaction to me, I was sent to the Batcave. I stood in the dark, damp cave and felt like crying.

Everything inside me wanted to call Kaldur up and interrupt his conversation with Tula. The irrational and immature side of me justified it by thinking if he answered then he liked me, if not...

_Who am I fooling? He doesn't like me. I'm nothing compared to Tula. She's strong, capable, and smart. She's never been captured by the enemy. She isn't broken._

"Hey." My head shot up and my mind tried to hide my self-hate from showing on my face but it's pointless to hide anything from Dick Grayson. In the safety of the Batcave, his sunglasses were off and his bright blue eyes showed his worry. Even as he frowned, he still seemed cheerful.

"You okay? You look like you're about to cry."

"I'm fine." I sniffed as he looked at the computer that showed where I had come from. When he looked back at me, I gave him a glare to tell him to leave the topic alone.

"Bruce isn't home," he said and I smiled even though I was dying inside.

"I can see that. That's why you're eating in his chair." I scowled at him and he smiled mischievously.

"His computer is state of the art. Like I'm not going to sneak a few of my cases on it? And Alfred said Bruce is out for a few hours. So, Tibet? You excited? It's your first big mission since--"

"I know," I growled. "Gods know I know! Why can't you just let it go?!"

"Why you angry with me?"

I messed up my hair to match his and put on my best Grayson voice. "'I'm sorry I let Bruce send you alone! I'm sorry I didn't tell him you weren't ready.'"

"That's how I felt!"

"I can handle myself! It didn't happen because I was distracted or immature! He knew I was coming!"

"I know!"

My rage quieted instantly and I took off my sunglasses. Dick sighed and frowned.

"Wait, you know?"

"Yeah, I checked the case out and the whole thing was a dud from the get-go. Dr. Crane wanted to test the new Fear Gas formula on a Batkid since Batman is all about embracing fear. Crane wanted to hurt him though you. The only thing that didn't go according to his plan was you surviving or even making it through the aftershock. You're a psychological marvel, Reg. I was wrong about you."

"Wow," I said quietly. "Dick?"

"Yeah?" he asked with a slight smirk.

"Can you say that again?" He looked at me confused. "Because I want to record Dick Grayson saying he's sorry and turn it into a ringtone! Or better yet, an alarm!" My laughter echoed through the cave but Dick remained quiet instead of dishing back some sort of backhanded compliment.

"Or I could say whatever you want and just wake you up in person," he mumbled as he ruffled his hair. I stopped my laughing and frowned at him as he cleared his throat awkwardly. "So Bruce is gonna be out for a while, mind if we hang out before you go?"

"Why?" I asked suspiciously. "Wanna spend our last hours together in case I get kidnapped again?"

"Yeah, actually." His eyes went to the ground as I was left speechless. I spent almost every moment since the incident worrying that my friends thought I wasn't capable. I rarely took into account how terrified it must make them that I was willing to go back into the thick of things and how easily they could lose me again.

"We can play video games," Dick continued as he reached up to fix my hair from my impression of him. There was no burning from his touch and I felt relief at that. "Or watch a movie before you go? Moon Battles, maybe? We could start the extended edition and just make it a thing."

I just smiled and nodded. Between Batman acting like nothing happened and Kaldur acting like the world fell apart, I could settle for calling a truce with Dick Grayson, watching the Rebels fight the Empire, and moving on.

Even if it meant that I was securing my path that led me to years of pain.


	8. Échthra

_What you have done is terrible_   
_and now you carry it with you_

**WATCHTOWER**   
**Aug 7, 08:00**

In an empty but impressively large room, I sat in my grey sweatshirt and sweatpants at a heavy wooden desk. Behind me was a large Justice League of America insignia and on the opposite side of the room was a wall of glass allowing visibility of the Earth below. Between my desk and the window was a large semi circle table that arched around me in a psychologically dominant manner. 

To my side stood Captain Marvel who escorted me to this daunting room with no information at all. I didn't put up a fight or ask him what the meaning of the meeting was, much to his relief, but that's because I knew what it would be about.

I looked at the massive man with a bored look on my face as we waited. He glanced over at me and caught me looking. He made a small squeaking sound before standing a bit straighter with his eyes back to the large window. I smiled at his reaction and leaned back in my chair to start plucking at the small fuzzballs pilling on my grey sweatshirt.

After a few minutes that I was certain they were only stalling for dramatic effect, a door to my right opened. An impressive lineup of heroes walked in to take their respective places at the semicircle table in front of me. I watched each of them carefully and found myself thinking how similar it was to the Light's meetings.

_What a bunch of pompous assholes we all are._

There were plenty of empty chairs but it seemed only the top dogs were gracing me with their presence. Superman was the first to walk in. The last time we had met, I overloaded him with solar power--specifically, yellow sun radiation--and took him out of the game for weeks. His eyes stayed on me until he took his seat which I found a boost to my ego. Who else can say they made Superman nervous to be around?

On his right sat Wonder Woman. She sat and gave me a strange look of impartiality. A quick look at the others showed wariness, distrust, pity, and a false sense of hope but she seemed prepared to hear me out. Flash had walked in behind her and I mean 'walked'. His overt normalcy showed his state of mind more than I think he knew and it made me look down at my fidgeting hands in my lap as he sat at Wonder Woman's right. 

The next one to sit was Aquaman who took the second seat down from Superman's left. His response to me was surprising. It reminded me of the protective father cliche. I half expected him to pull out a shotgun and start cleaning it in front of me and ask me what my intentions with Kaldur was. I assumed it was not only because I had fought against him and his Aquababies when I revealed myself as Pyrrha the year before, but also because I had given Kaldur a solid hit to the jaw a week ago.

To his left sat Martian Manhunter who looked at me with a blank stare and I wondered if he was trying to refrain from listening to my thoughts. Kaldur had told me that M'gann and J'onn had informed the League that they wouldn't force their way into my brain. I knew it wasn't because of some bond between M'gann and me. More than likely, it was because M'gann had put Kaldur into a coma when she thought he had killed Artemis. Them abstaining from using their telepathic powers on me was simply her regret over her overt use of force.

Beside J'onn sat my former denmothers: Black Canary and Red Tornado. Their reason for being at this meeting was purely psychological. The idea was that if I could remember who I was as Jet Starling that I would end up making the right decision.

_What fools._

"Thank you for coming, Pyrrha," Wonder Woman said politely but as I prepared to respond, the door opened again. Everyone looked over to see Mr. Fashionably-Late as he swiftly walked across the room and took his seat in the empty chair between Superman and Aquaman. My blood boiled, my veins glowed a deep and dangerous red, and my fists clenched as he looked up at me as if I were keeping him from an important engagement.

"Of course," I managed to say through gritted teeth. I took a deep breath and forced myself to relax as I turned my attention off of Batman and onto Wonder Woman. "I didn't have much of a choice. You know where I live."

Flash stifled a laugh which made me smirk. The others, however, were not as amused.

"You're looking healthier," Black Canary chimed in. I turned to look at her but kept in mind that every word these Justice 'Friends' spewed from their mouths would be laced with hidden intentions. When I spoke with the Light, we were honest in our distrust and dislike of each other. Here, I had to see past the smiles and soft-spoken lies.

"I feel healthier. Thank you for your hospitality."

"It was our pleasure," said Superman. "You know you can always call on us for aid."

My head remained towards Black Canary but my eyes shot to Superman who tensed at my sudden movement. A laugh began to bubble up from my stomach and into my chest before rising out of my mouth. The large empty room echoed from my laughter. I tried to contain it by putting my head on the desk in front of me but it wouldn't stop. I slammed my still-clenched fists on the desk in front of Ame to force myself stop. A large crack split down the length of the desk along with the grain.

I sighed loudly as I stopped laughing and looked up to see that none of the heroes had moved at my display of violence. However, I could see they all--apart from the robot... and Red Tornado--had tensed their muscles up and there was a tangible shift in the energy of the room.

"Cut the bullshit."

"Excuse me?" Superman's blue eyes flashed with anger at my harsh language to which I responded with red flash from my own eyes.

"Enough with the niceties." I pointed at Captain Marvel. "You sent your St. Bernard to escort me. This isn't a meeting to ask if the bed sheets are to my liking. I know you want to know the Light's plan but while I came to you for help, I'm no traitor."

"Not from where I'm sitting," Aquaman muttered.

"Then you are an idiot." I could've sworn his beard trembled with fury. "I could've given secrets to the Light about each of you, considering I've seen Batman's files on all of you but I didn't."

"You still attacked us," Aquaman growled. "You've endangered everyone on Earth. That's traitorous."

"The Light wants the human race to be numero uno in the galaxy. How is that endangering anyone? Oh, and I'm calling you 'King Idiot' from now on for that stupid comment."

"You disrespectful--"

"Perhaps," Black Canary raised her hands to calm the situation between Aquaman and me, "if you explain so that we may fully understand--"

"Oh, so close but no birdseed for you tonight. I am not telling you shit about the Light's plans. I told you that when I woke up, I told that to Grumpy over there and I'll keep saying it until all of Snow White's dwarves get it. I appreciate that you took me in but--and listen closely," I stood up and placed my hands on the broken desk and leaned over it as I glowed brightly, filling the room with an eerie red. "You blew me up, assholes." 

"I'm confused," Flash asked Wonder Woman, "which dwarf am I?"

"You were in the Light," J'onn explained. "It was programmed that if you were to show up and try to get in, the zeta would self destruct."

"No override code?" I raised my eyebrows at him. "Which singing dwarf thought that smart move up?"

They all remained silent and I looked at Batman who had remained a statue since he sat down.

"It was my call," Grumpy spoke up as we made eye contact. Just the sound of his voice made me want to fly over the desk and punch a hole through his chest. "After your actions, an override for you was out of the question."

"That makes me feel special." I sat back in my chair and crossed my legs and my arms. "No, really. It makes me all warm inside. Or maybe I have a fever. Someone come feel my forehead."

"Wait," Flash looked down the table at all the heroes around him like he was counting. "Am I Dopey?"

"Flash, _focus_!" Wonder Woman scolded. Aquaman stood up and slammed his fist on the table which calmed my heat and a smirk tugged on my lips. Nothing was more calming than seeing your opponent begin to lose control.

"I've had enough of this childish bickering! I'm not afraid of your bull shark act. We saved you. You _owe_ us."

"Get the water out of your ears, Aquatic Asshole. I don't owe you shit. You. Blew. Me. Up."

He roared in frustration but Black Canary stood up and placed her hand on his shoulder but he shook her off.

"No! She was an out of control Team member a year ago and now she acts like she is better than us? Savage could be preparing to destroy the world and we are babysitting this child."

"Keep calling me a child. Pretty sure I laid you the hell out a few months ago."

"What did you do to her, Batman?" He fumed as he turned to Grumpybutt who was a perfectly still mass of black. "She is corrupted to her core. There is no good in her. She _hit_ Aqualad and received no reprimand. We've given her everything she's needed and she treats it like she is owed it because she came to us when her world _rightfully_ crumbled." 

My smirk disappeared. The game wasn't fun anymore.

He turned his attention back to me when Batman didn't answer him and demanded me to answer him instead.

"What's wrong with _me_? How long do you have?" I said playfully but my smile wouldn't return. "And would you like that list alphabetical or random?"

"I'm done." He kicked the chair from behind him and and walked to the door. "Any information from her isn't worth dealing with her poisonous personality."

" _Kaldur'ahm_ seems to like my particular poison," I jabbed.

Aquaman stopped at the end of the long table and quickly made his way to me. Sensing that the Atlantean wasn't going to ask me for my autograph, Captain Marvel flew between us and held him off of me as I remained calmly sitting in my chair. The king's eyes were wild and I was certain that if Bolt Boy wasn't blocking him that he would've hit me with everything he had.

"You stay away from him," he said in a vicious whisper. "He is too good for someone like _you_."

I bowed my head at that and looked at the split in the wood I caused.

"You're right." I looked over at him with a pain in my chest threatening to break through my ribs like a baby alien. He must have seen that pain because his eyes softened slightly. "I've known his worth and my own for years."

He blinked a few times at my self-deprecating comment before shoving Captain Marvel's hands off of him and quickly left the room.

"Pyrrha, please," Superman said. "I'm sure I speak for all of us in saying that I hope we can talk like adults."

That was it. I was tired and I wanted to go back to my room to forget this nightmare. My veins glowed to match the heat that pumped through me as I stood up. 

" _Now_ you want to treat me like an adult? _Now_ you want to treat me like an equal? No. I will talk to you like the _terrorists_ you are."

"Why is it you believe we are terrorists?" Wonder Woman asked.

I narrowed my eyes at her. She knew exactly what I meant. I had spouted it for the last year on tv spots, press appearances, and radio shows. Even after the Light had betrayed me, I still believed my message. Humans were capable of evolution. Cases like mine showed that our genes were ready and bursting to morph to the changes in our world. Instead of seeing the metagene as helpful, those like me who had similar stories were seen as freaks. That kind of hate sent most like me to the more illegal side of things. That was because the League had made it so that if we didn't play by their rules, rules that even the US government had problems with, we were labeled criminals. The League was hindering the human race. They were coddling it like a child and they were desperate for the love, affection, and praise that came with it.

I once looked at this lineup of heroes and saw gods. Now I looked upon them as roadblocks.

"Are we trying to push the King Idiot from his throne, Diana?" Her eyes turned violent. I was pressing my luck but even though they were doing their best to keep the environment as non-threatening as possible, I was backed into a corner. I couldn't attack them physically but they forgot I was a master at verbal abuse.

"You know exactly why the Light has deemed you terrorists,"" I explained. "Somewhere along the way in trying to protect the world, you put them in the spotlight for rogue Martians and Thanagarians. You've turned normal people into criminals just because they don't agree with your methods. Every day, people die because of _you_. Yes, you save a few on a good news day but while you enjoy the praise of your yes-men, people like Toyman, Doctor Psycho, Captain Boomerang, Siren, Human Flame," I turned my attention to Batman, " _Scarecrow_ and countless others are out there thinking of ways to hurt people, to hurt you and your loved ones. And all you can focus on is the Light? We want a different fate for humanity. That doesn't make us wrong. You are focusing on our efforts because you can't stand not being in power."

They all stared at me. Superman was visibly peeved and his breathing was deep as he tried to calm himself. Wonder Woman finally looked at me with a judgement on her opinion of me... and it was pity.

Flash just looked at his hands he rested on the table. Wally was the same way. Humor was their way of avoiding a topic and Flash came into the meeting joking. Now that he was silent, that meant I had hit a nerve.

Martian Manhunter was silent, as were Dinah and Red, but they wouldn't look at me. They all knew I was right to some degree just as I knew I was wrong.

Because the truth was that there was no right and wrong. Only my way and their way. I wasn't guaranteed Darkseid wouldn't eviscerate the planet when he arrived and they weren't guaranteed peace and prosperity once they defeated me and the Light. Everything was a gamble and we all were bluffing in an attempt to keep power.

The only one who looked at me the same as when I walked in was Batman. And it enraged me. 

"You're awfully quiet, Batdaddy. Imagining knocking me out again with gas?" I challenged him about the day a month ago that I woke up strapped to the hospital bed. Small flames began to erupt from my clenched fists as I remembered him filling my room with gas after I had taunted him about his track record on losing his children. "Did you even _realize_ what you did? Do you _ever_ think about what you've done to me? Why don't you answer Aquaman's question? What did you do to me that made this way?"

He remained looking at me with a cold gaze but the others now looked at him, wanting to know the answer almost as much as I did. After a few tense moments, he stood up from his seat slowly and pushed the chair back.

"Pyrrha, if you won't cooperate with us then we need to rethink this arrangement."

I clenched my jaw. He meant that my sanctuary would be up. I was wanted on Earth even though popular opinion was that I was dead.

"So you would arrest me if I don't talk? Of all the criminals out there, _I'm_ the one you would arrest?"

"You conspired against the inhabitants of Earth. You organized a city wide spectacle where you placed members of the League and the Team in critical condition and you are under suspicion of attacking a politician."

"I didn't _attack_ Lex Luthor."

"That's not our problem. You have a week to decide. Tell us the Light's plans and we will protect you or I will _personally_ take you to Belle Reve."

The room was silent as he turned to walk to the exit. Everything was still bathed in red light and my fists were clenched so tightly that I felt my skin give a little as my nails cut into my skin. Batman stopped once he reached the door but he didn't turn to look at me.

"I didn't do anything to you, Regina. You were broken before I met you. I tried to save you and I'm sorry I failed in that attempt." He paused for a moment and my clenched jaw popped painfully. "You have a week."

He walked out and the others followed suit. 

_Poor, broken Regina Hayden. Poor, broken Jet Starling. Poor, broken Pyrrha. Screw him. Screw all of them--_

"We hate it." I looked up to see Flash standing in front if me and Captain Marvel prepared to step in. "Despite what you said about us letting the bad guys go, we hate it. The crappy part about our way is that we _have_ to follow the law. What the juries and courts say isn't in our power. We know the pain the criminals cause and we know it's on us."

I saw the wrinkles that were beginning to set at the edge of his bloodshot eyes. I should've felt remorse. I should've spilled the plans about Darkseid. Instead, I pulled out a verbal dagger on a mourning man.

"Wanna know how I solve that problem?" I said as he frowned. "I _kill_ them so they can't piss me off again."

"Trying to help, kiddo." He instantly winced at his wording and sheepishly looked to me only to see my glare.

"'Talk like adults'? 'Kiddo'?" I took a step closer to the hero but Captain Marvel coughed loudly. I glanced over at him and nodded. Taking a deep breath, I relaxed my tense muscles.

"I'm sorry about Wally."

"Thank you." he said quietly. "Hey, which one was I? Please don't say I was Dopey."

I smiled slightly but his humor painfully reminded me of my friend.

"Why, you're Happy, of course."

He smiled at that and put his hand on my shoulder. "Think about your options. You've got a lot of people here who care for you. Don't throw it away."

I nodded but his words were too little, too late. I wasn't going to tell them anything. The moment I did, I would be arrested anyways. I was going to find a way off this space heap and hide on Earth from both sides. I didn't care about what the Light wanted anymore. I didn't care about humans, especially after seeing social-media obsessed ones watch me bleed out in front of LexCorp Tower. I only wanted the lives of Queen Bee, Luthor, Batman, and myself.

That's all that mattered.


	9. Aletheia

_Happiness hit her like a bullet in the back_   
_Struck from a great height_   
_By someone who should know better than that_

**Team Year Six**   
**WATCHTOWER**   
**Aug 7, 09:00**

After my meeting with the Justice League, Captain Marvel escorted me back to my room. Their words played in my head louder and louder. Flash's words of encouragement, Aquaman's admittance of my worth, Bruce's ultimatum--and his confession.

_'You were broken before I met you.'_

The door closed behind me as I stepped into my room and the silence roared in my ears. My teeth hurt from being clenched and the stinging in my palms told me I had cut into my skin again. I opened my fists and held my hands out with palms down. The glowing red veins that sat just underneath translucent white skin screamed at me through the silence.

 _Monster_.

 _Broken_. 

 _Freak_.

_Was this the darkness inside of me that everyone saw? Was this 'darkness' what kept me from finding a loving home and family of my own? Should I blame my parents for having created this darkness or do I accept that I was the one who let it free? And what did that mean about Lex and his adoration for the horrible thing I had become?_

The questions began to boil inside of me, burning their way through my skin. Every beat of my heart was filled with pain and fire. Hot tears sizzled on my even hotter cheeks as the agony overwhelmed me. I was never meant to be the hero. I was always meant to be Pyrrha and all of the atrocities and the fate that came with being her.

At the moment, my options were very limited. If I didn't say what I knew about the Light's plan, I would be sent to Belle Reve for the being an accomplice with the Reach. If I disclosed the plan, I would be sent to the darkest parts of Belle Reve, or worse--Arkham--for my part in bringing Darkseid to Earth.

Running was out of the question looking the way I did. There was no hiding my demonic appearance and getting sent to prison was out of the question. The Light was everywhere. Yes, we specialized in the criminal affiliates but we also had politicians and law enforcement in our pockets. That meant if I was trapped inside of a prison with one of those terrible collars, I would be defenseless. They wouldn't stop at torturing me either. This wasn't those cutesy comics where they kick me a few times and hope I learned my lesson. It would be a graphic novel with over-saturated reds on greyscale artwork.

So, why not make it a choose-my-own-ending book? What was I living for? Revenge was seeming a slimmer and slimmer chance and even if I did get out, I wasn't guaranteed all the names on my hitlist. Maybe Lex or Bruce but certainly not Marina. The only name that was doomed to die was me, by my hand or someone else's.

Everything became white noise and my vision went red as I grabbed the nearest thing to me and threw it against the wall where it shattered. Water, shells, and glass littered the floor and my blood ran cold once I had realized what I had done.

Floating above the ruined snowglobe, I carefully picked up the base and placed it in the bathroom waste basket. I used a large bath towel to push the glass and shells into a contained area while wondering where a custodial closet would be on the Watchtower.

As I opened my door, I was surprised to see Tigress standing there with her hand up, ready to knock. Artemis smirked at me as she lowered her arm and I realized I must've had eyes the size of saucers at seeing her in Tigress' suit again.

"Calm down, Jet. I'm not going rogue," she joked, slyly maneuvering herself into my room.

"It's Pyrrha," I corrected as I closed the door.

"No, sorry. I'm not calling you that." She frowned as she placed her hand on her hip. I scowled at her for a second before I sighed and pulled my hair back. 

"Did you want something or..." I noticed she was staring at the broken mess in the towel.

"Flash told me about your eviction notice." She looked back up at me. "I came to see how you're doin'."

"Aside from getting attacked by my ex and his new girlfriend and becoming enemy of Earth? I'm doing fantastic. How about you?" She smiled at my sarcasm but her eyes couldn't hide their sadness.

"I'm not doing too great." Her honesty came down on me like a sledgehammer of reality.

"I'm so sorry, Artemis," I apologized. "That was insensitive of me."

She lifted a hand and shook her head. "Save it. I've had enough 'sorry's' to last me a lifetime. Don't add to it."

"Probably haven't received a sorry from someone who was responsible, though."

"Don't you _dare_. Did I ever say I blamed you?"

"You don't need to," I frowned. "This was the Light's fault. If we had kept a closer eye on Black Beetle, Wally wouldn't have--" She put her hand up and lowered her head, begging me to stop.

"And the Light wouldn't have been formed if the Justice League didn't exist. The blame game can go on and on. You know that better than anyone. It was Wally's life or the world and in Wally's eyes, that was an easy decision. But he isn't gone. He's here." She pointed to her chest. "If I wanted revenge, I ruin all the work he sacrificed himself for and I lose what he left behind. I lose him."

Her eyes were bright and glassy and although there was a sadness in them, the love she had for Wally outshone it. I had to look away as a lump rose in my throat and Artemis turned to my snowglobe collection on my dresser, picking one up that had the Eiffel Tower in it.

As she shook it and watched the snow fall, I took the chance to really look at her. She had always been tough but looking at her during the worst period in her life, I saw the depths of her strength. It was the kind of strength that comes with loving someone and being loved back unconditionally. I found myself oddly jealous of it and bit the inside of my cheek as I sat down on my bed to punish myself for thinking so.

"He's just hurt, you know?" She didn't look at me as I frowned in confusion but instead grabbed another globe and shook it lightly. "That's why he said those things at the meeting. Batman, I mean."

My jaw clenched and fingernails dug into my palms, opening the recent cuts again.

"You scared him," she continued, ignoring my silence as she came to sit next to me. "Really badly actually. Both _for_ you and _of_ you. Imagine losing another protege only to have them come back and try to kill the others. Almost succeeding, too. Tim was in the hospital for over a week and I'm pretty sure Dick's ribs didn't heal right. Idiot wouldn't stay on bedrest. Batman changed that day. He became cold. Well, colder than usual. He was harsher with Robin and Nightwing and him didn't talk."

I smoothed my blanket absent-mindedly. The ripples of my actions had grown into large waves that had come back to crash into me.

"Where is Dick?" I asked sincerely. "It's not like him to miss out on a chance to yell at me."

Artemis' shoulder's slumped and she took a deep breath as she leaned back on her hands.

"It's been a tough year--for everyone. Let's rewind to the night we lost you. Superman took you to MetGen but Batman never showed up. Just, poof! Gone. Dick had to make decisions alone and I don't know if you know many eighteen year olds but they make stupid decisions. Luthor took advantage of that. When you died-or rather, the person they replaced you with died--guess who decided to come back? No 'You did what you could' or anything. Batman blamed Dick and Dick blamed himself. Then Metropo--"

"Hold the phone," I sat up straight and looked at Artemis. My heart began to beat loudly in my ears. "The League didn't send me to Gotham?"

"Gotham General Hospital?"

"Gotham Cryogenic Laboratories."

"What? Why would they send you there?"

"Because I was uncontrollable. My powers scared the League."

"We didn't know you _had_ powers. We didn't even know how you survived the fireball. Did _he_ tell you all this?"

I looked away as I tried to sort out my past. Lex lied to me from the very beginning. My beef with Bruce was non-existent. He didn't send me away--he mourned me. They all did.

I cringed as I remembered attacking Dick and Tim, taunting Bruce at the gala, waving the deaths of Jason and me in his face, and looking up at the stars hoping he was rotting on Rimbor. We weren't the best of friends after Jason's death but Bruce took me off the streets of Gotham. He gave me a home, a dysfunctional family, and the opportunity to be something more than a Gotham street rat. and I repaid him with hate and betrayal.

I buried my face in my hands and fought to keep the raging fire inside of me contained. My misery was all my own doing. I had killed people--a lot of people. I had hurt almost anyone in contact with me. I played the villain well because of my darkness but I was being used like a puppet. A stupid puppet that fell in love with the puppetmaster. 

No. That's passing the blame. I had a darker side before the accident. I rebelled against Batman at every turn. I was always meant to be Pyrrha. I was always going to find my way to the Light and it's survival-of-the-fittest ideals. I was always meant to be this monster. And there was still the missing part of the picture that concerned Bruce's solar company reaping the spoils of war from LexCorp's failure--and my death.

Artemis placed her hand on my back to bring me out of my downward spiral. There was no anger or pity on her face. Just love and the strength that came with it.

"Jet, we loved you. How could you think we would've sent you to be a popsicle?"

"Bad intel, I guess," I said with a hoarse voice on the verge of tears. "So, don't stop this guilt train now. Toot toot."

She smiled but hesitated for a moment, most likely deciding whether doing so would be a mistake. I wiped my face and gave her a small smile to reassure her but inside, I was crumbling. She took a deep breath in and took my hand in hers before continuing.

"So, the Light attacked Metropolis and the League rushed to stop you. Wally and I watched it on the news and we just assumed you were a new criminal. It wasn't until Dick came to us late that night that he told us that not only are you alive but you were this pissed off fire chick that can fly and, oh yeah, you almost killed Superman. Batman ordered everyone to stay away from you but Dick wouldn't let go of the idea that you were brainwashed like Roy was. Then Kaldur was caught in the public assassination attempt on you and that was it for Dick. He had to do something he hates."

"Admitting Batman was right," I finished and sighed deeply.

"Yup. Then Kaldur gets this harebrained idea to infiltrate the Light and Dick was having _none_ of it. But when Tula..." I felt the guilt overwhelm me again as Artemis paused. "Kaldur left the Team to Dick and then... the kicker that was on the front of every newspaper January 1st. _'Pyrrha and Lex Luthor Kiss At Midnight'_. The man who tricked Dick into handing you over to him with a big red bow was publicly swapping spit with you.

"Add in your history together and Wally... Dick can smile through some terrifying things but when that smile disappears--"

"When it's gone, he is too," I whispered.

"Everyone just needs time." She squeezed my hand tight. "We need to figure out what our relationships with you are now. Especially since we've figured out that while you may not have been brainwashed by Cadmus, you were still brainwashed."

"Maybe it's best we just keep it between us." I let go of her hand and stood up to get distance. "Just because we figured out I was lied to doesn't erase everything I've done." And it doesn't stop everything that is coming. "I'm going to Belle Reve either way which means right into the Light's hands again. They don't make the same mistake twice."

I looked to Artemis to see her frown become a look of determination as she stood up.

"Wally would kick my butt if I let anything happen to you. I don't give a damn if I have to fight the League _and_ the Light. You aren't falling back into their hands again."

She surprised me by assaulting me with a tight hug. I glowed brightly and felt a few tears escape my eyes as I hugged her back. After a few moments, she leaned back and smiled as I wiped my tears away.

"I'm not the only one who is willing to go against everything and everyone to protect you," she said sternly. I caught her hint and bit my lip and looked at my snowglobes. "Don't be stupid, Jet. Why won't you let him see you?"

"I want to. I miss him more than I thought I would but he set a memory off and I hurt him because of it. I don't want to associate Kaldur with the shit that I went through with Lex. I don't want to hurt him anymore than I have."

"If you are waiting for the memories to fade so you can move on, it won't happen. You're looking at the child of a manipulative and abusive father. I've seen first-hand the side effects that come from that kind of relationship. My dad pitted me against Jade every chance he could and he tormented my mom with his bipolar husband routine. You can't kill the demons but you can find someone whose love can quiet them. At least you don't have kids to keep you and Lex somewhat tied to each other," she smiled at me but I looked away instantly. I stared at the snowglobes and mentally begged her to drop it. A silence hung between us as she rubbed her arm.

"You're gonna hate me but can I ask a question?"

"Let me guess: 'Why Luthor'?"

She nodded with a slight frown. I sighed as I flew back on the bed, laying on my back to stare at the ceiling. "What do you want to hear? That we had a fairy tale courtship where he said overtly romantic things to win me over and we imagined a future with picket fences, children and an evil white cat? Because that didn't happen. The truth is that the beds of criminals are used for more than sleep. Power is attractive and evil is seductive."

"You've always dated to the beat of your own drum," she said as she sat at the foot of my bed, "but _Lex Luthor_ is an odd choice, even for you."

"It's not like I was immediately attracted to him and I didn't know he was lying to me about Batman. I thought he saved me. He was never harsh with me even when I was rude to him. He worried about me when I pushed myself too far. He saw the part of me everyone else was afraid of and not only wanted me to bring it out but helped me to not be afraid of it either. After a while, he grew on me and I realized that we weren't so different. Once I let go of the Justice League propaganda, the attraction just grew."

Artemis frowned at me. "More like you bought into _his_ propaganda. He's decades older than you. Wasn't that weird? What could you two possibly talk about?"

"We didn't really talk at first," I mumbled. Artemis made a sour face at my subconscious glowing at the memories of Lex and me. I scowled at her reaction. "It was just me blowing off steam! And because I enjoyed seeing you almost throw up, I will elaborate. Didn't you ever argue with Wally? Didn't you ever take it out on--or _with_ \--him? It was like that... every time. Eventually we added casual conversation into the relationship but no, his age was never an issue for me. So next time I wake up alone and betrayed, I'll be sure to get your permission before dating anyone."

"Perfect. You have my permission to date Kaldur," she said smugly and I covered my face with my arms. 

"What is _wrong_ with you and Kaldur? He never showed any interest in me for years and now he's acting like I woke up from a coma and don't remember we're married or something." I sat up and sighed. "I didn't deserve Kaldur even before I was in the Light. He doesn't have a single bad quality. He patient and forgiving and I'm..."

"Impulsive? Resentful? Stubborn? Wanna know why you two had goo goo eyes the moment you met? Goo goo eyes that even Wally noticed--the guy who forgot Valentine's Day repeatedly?  _Because_ Kaldur is patient and _because_ you are impulsive. You needed someone who you knew wouldn't leave and he needed someone who would make him do something besides sit and pine like some lost puppy."

"You can't know he loves me," I scoffed but Artemis raised an eyebrow at me. My heart began to pound. "But he never--"

"Said anything? Did anything? Wasn't it strange that he never dated anyone?"

"I thought it was because of Tula or Roy..."

"He blamed himself for you getting kidnapped, dummy. He thought--wait, _Roy_?" Her eyes grew in surprise. I bit my lip and looked away. "Nevermind. He thought you were distracted that night because of him so he left you alone and tortured himself by watching you move on. It drove Wally bananas that he wouldn't just make a move."

I slumped down into my lap to hide my shame. "I feel like shit."

"How you gonna fix it?"

"I can't give him what he deserves, Artemis. Are you kidding me? I'm a traitor and he's," I paused, "he's perfect."

In one quick move, Artemis popped my forehead with her palm. In shock I just stared at her.

"If I'm gonna go through the trouble of busting you out, you have to give it a chance. Stop wasting time. You don't get as long as you would want." I looked away as her eyes misted up.

"Okay," I said quietly. "But first things first. How the hell am I getting out of here?"

"I have an idea," she smiled.  
  


* * *

**  
WATCHTOWER  
** **Aug 8, 04:00**

A soft knock rapped on my door early in the morning. I growled and threw my pillow at the door where it hit with a soft thud before falling to the ground. The knock came again and I groaned loudly as flew out of bed, my sheet slowly unraveling off of me as if it were begging me not to leave. I wiped my face to wake up and opened the door.

"Do you know your eyes are not open?" Kaldur said softly and seemingly a step too close from the sound of it because he was right. My eyes were still closed.

"Do you know you almost died?"

"How? It sounded as if you had thrown a pillow at me."

"That reminds me. Dispose of that pillow. It has displeased me." I groaned and rubbed my face. 

"I would say you look exhausted but you have never been a morning person." Guilt coursed through me as I remembered Artemis saying Kaldur had always had feelings for me, which meant even when we lived at Mount Justice together. I groaned from embarrassment.

"Will you hold out your hands?" he asked and I automatically complied. Kaldur chuckled softly. "You are quite trusting this morning."

I hummed in a sarcastic agreement as a warm cup was placed in my hands. My eyes shot open and I saw a cup of coffee. I looked up and saw Kaldur was wearing his civvies and had a backpack on. He was smiling but his eyes were tired and a fading discolored bruise stared back at me from his jaw. A flash of Lex's bruised face and bloodied lip made me look back at the cup in my hands.

"I trust _you_ ," I said quietly and took a sip. "Did you just come back from a mission?"

"Something like that." He slipped off the backpack and pulled out a small black velvet satchel with white drawstrings that looked like it was from Zatanna. I stood up a little straighter and took it with my free hand as I set the coffee down reluctantly on my dresser. He opened the pack again and pulled out a change of clothes for me, similar to what the workers on the Watchtower wore. I took the clothes from him and stepped into the bathroom to change. I looked back for a moment to see Kaldur had begun gently placing the few snowglobes I had inside the pack.

It seemed that Artemis had gotten the plan into motion quicker than I had thought. I assumed it would be the classic race-the-clock scenario to leave but Kaldur hated procrastinating.

I smiled as I heard him zip up the bag. I told Artemis I would give him a chance but I was still holding in a big secret. It also didn't help that once I left the Watchtower, I was still wanted by every law enforcement agency--despite the popular belief that I was dead. I would have to hide and I didn't know for how long which meant Kaldur would have to wait.

I took a last look at my reflection before slowly fastening Zatanna's necklace on. My veins quieted their neon red and changed back to a subdued blue. They still stood out against my translucently white skin until it quickly began to gain color and darken to a light brown. My scars faded until there was nothing left except clean, unblemished skin. My eyes lost their fiery red as the light was extinguished from them. They faded until they became black and then lightened to a light grey. 

The transformation was done but I kept staring at the mirror, waiting for more... waiting to feel as if this body was actually my own but the feeling never came.

"Star?" Kaldur's voice called through the door. "Are you okay?"

 _No. I'm not._ "Yeah, give me a sec." 

I smoothed my hair up into a baseball cap and opened the door to see Kaldur looking at me like he had seen a ghost--or had seen the ghost of Jet Starling. His eyes did a strange half blink as he looked me up and down.

"Keep looking at me like that, Tats." I forced a smile. "See what happens."

"I am sorry, it's just," he said with a smile. "I forgot you were not... white."

I burst into laughter. I had forgotten as well. When I had woken up to find my light brown skin had changed to a terrifying white, I almost passed out from shock. Seeing it come back felt the same way. I laughed so hard that tears fell from my eyes. Kaldur set the backpack down and reached up to wipe them away but I flinched. He frowned as he lowered his hand and looked away.

In the bathroom light, I was able to see his bruise more clearly. I reached up and gently cupped my hand around it, as if I were willing it to go away. Kaldur's light green eyes flashed to me but he didn't say a word as he leaned into my hand. 

"I'm so sorry, Tats. Does it hurt?" I asked. He smiled and shook his head slightly.

He was lying, though. Kaldur and Connor would often spar together because they were the only ones who could really fight each other and not come out with large welts and bruises since Atlantean skin was much denser than the average human's. If I left a bruise, I hurt him.

I moved my hand from his face and returned my arm to my side. The absence of my hand made Kaldur look more pained than when I had hit him. 

"I should not have just reached for you." He said quietly. "It seems that the memories are still fresh in your mind. I will ask you before I attempt anything like that again."

I winced and let out a sigh. "That would actually be worse."

He was obviously confused but knowing it concerned intimate moments between me and Luthor, he let it go.

"We had better go," he advised, picking up the backpack. "Batgirl is waiting at the zeta. Walk a few steps behind me, do not make eye contact--"

"I was a protege of Batman, Tats. I know how to be sneaky."

He smiled at that and pulled the backpack over his shoulders. On our way out of my prison cell dressed up as a complementary bedroom, I stopped short and signalled for Kaldur to wait. I went back in and dug through my dresser until I pulled out a single envelope and stuffed it in the backpack that seemed a bit too stuffed for having just snowglobes inside. I patted the bag after I zipped it up and we made our way to the zeta.

It was early in the morning but the activity in the Watchtower was still busy. Workers and League members walked around us lost in their jobs and paid no attention to us. It was nice to be normal again and walking behind Kaldur gave an extremely great view of his--

"Aqualad!" A booming cheery voice echoed through the hall causing me to almost scream from surprise. Kaldur signaled with his hand for me to hang back and luckily, a cleaning cart was nearby. I pretended to be perusing the items on it while I snuck a look to see Captain Marvel fly to Kaldur with a big grin on his face.

"Captain Marvel, good morning," Kaldur greeted.

"Oh man! I've got something crazy to tell you about the mission I was just on! It's was bonkers! There was this tiny worm that had telepathic powers and he was controlling--hey," he looked back down the way we came but ignored me as I tried to will myself invisible. "Where ya headed?"

"I am heading to the zetas."

"Were you just coming from Pyrrha's room?"

"No. I was in the control room checking on mission reports. I have not seen Pyrrha in over a week." My name jarred me. He hadn't called me that since he was in the Light and I hated how hollow it sounded from him.

"Do you think she'll explain the Light's plan before her deadline?" The word ' _dead_ line' seemed more ominous than usual. 

"I think that decision is up to her. I am sure she has her reasons for not speaking to the League about her former organization."

"Yeah, I guess. I just don't understand why she won't trust us." He rubbed his neck. "Especially you. You guys spent a whole month together and she didn't tell you anything? Must be some secret."

"That was not the reason I was at her side."

"Oh, because you guys like each other?

Thank the gods Zatanna was amazing at magic because even though I couldn't see it, I felt the glow inside of me begging to burst out. I glanced over at Kaldur who was also fighting his own blushing glow.

"Even if we did," Kaldur cleared his throat, "I would not use our friendship that way."

" _If_? But she totally likes you! You should have seen her in the meeting taunting Aquaman. I thought he was going to explode when she mentioned you."

_Is it possible to die from embarrassment?_

"Yes, he was quite angry afterwards," Kaldur said with a hint of sadness. I bit my lip to punish myself for being an ass to King Orin. "But I know her and I trust her. He will have to accept that."

"I hope you're right. The League is freaking out pretty bad over what she isn't saying. I think they are gonna make her talk soon." I looked over to see Kaldur had stood up straighter, was scowling at the huge hero, and had his fists clenched. Captain Marvel held up his hands and shook them pleadingly. "I don't agree with that! And I'm not the only one! But she ticked off a lot of Leaguers the other day. I just thought you should know and maybe help her see her options."

Kaldur relaxed and managed to give a small polite smile. "Thank you, Captain Marvel, for thinking of her. If you will excuse me, I must be leaving now."

"Oh, sure thing! Talk to you later!" He flew past me but stopped abruptly and slowly flew back. I suddenly forgot how to breathe as I kept my head down to the items on the cleaning cart.

"Hey," he said to me and I slowly raised my head.

"Hi."

A few tense moments went by.

"I like your necklace but I don't think that's _regulation_. You might want to hide it. I don't want you to get in trouble--or caught."

"Oh. Um. Thanks," I muttered. He gave me a big, goofy smile and waved.

"No problem! See ya!" He flew off and I looked up to see Kaldur looking at me in the corner of his eye with panic and relief. I smiled and nodded at him and we continued to the zetas.

We entered a large room that had a few zeta beams that workers were going through. The computer didn't announce anything like designations so I figured this was a staff entrance of sorts. It reminded me of why I hated the League and their egos. At the farthest end of the room stood Batgirl who had her arms crossed and was tapping her foot. She saw Kaldur and motioned to hurry but she never once looked at me.

"Cutting it kind of close, aren't we?" she said to Kaldur as we got closer.

"We got held up. Thank you for helping, Batgirl."

"I'm only doing this because you asked me to." Her eyes found me and I could see she was plainly siding on the 'Let Her Rot' side of things. She turned her attention back to Kaldur. "I've set the destination close to the coordinates you gave me but it's still about a few hundred miles out. I've scrambled the record log on this zeta, however, it probably won't be difficult for Batman to sort through it."

"So don't stay in one area," I recited, "keep away from cameras, change my clothes often. I've got this. I know how to hide."

She looked at me strangely and looked back to Kaldur. I quickly realized I had missed an important detail.

"Do not worry." He shook her hand. "I have figured everything out for us to remain undetected."

" _Us_? No-no-no, Tats. What about Aquaman, the Team--" My words stopped in my throat and my heat began to build inside of me again. Except it was too much for the necklace to hold back and a faint pink glow was able to radiate from me as Kaldur's finger pushed lightly against my lips. My heart beat loudly in my chest as he smiled reassuringly. His finger left my lips but his hand turned to hold my face gently as his thumb stroked my bottom lip.

"Batgirl is ready to take over for me. I have been loyal to my king my entire life. Now it is time I am loyal to my heart." 

I frowned and wanted to protest but I was also afraid that if I spoke, he'd move his hand from me. As if he could read my mind, Kaldur spun my baseball cap backwards and placed his free hand on the other side of my face. He closed the space between us, touching his forehead to mine.

"Did you truly believe that I would not stay by your side, Star?" he whispered. "That I would let you feel alone again for one moment?"

I had an argument for him, something to push him away again but having him that close halted all thought except for the need to have him closer.

Barbara coughed loudly. "This is adorable but it's now or never, Kaldur."

He let go of me and the absence of him made me irrationally angry at Batgirl. I took a deep breath to calm down as Kaldur nodded at her and held his hand out to me.

"Ready?"

"Read--wait!" I flipped him around and opened the backpack to pull out the envelope I had stuck in their earlier. I handed it to Batgirl who took it with a hesitant look. "Can you give this to Batman? It's important he gets it."

She stared at me for a moment and then nodded. "Sure thing, Regina."

I smiled even though the sound of my name made me want to punch her. I turned back to Kaldur and grabbed his hand.

"Okay. I'm ready."

Kaldur held my hand tight as we stepped through the zeta and in one bright flash, I was free. Yes, I was on the run but I wasn't alone. 

I would never be alone again.

**A/N: If you are enjoying this series, leave kudos, comment why you like it, leave feedback, share, something. I get lonely. Make me a happy panda.**


	10. Pothos

_Under pressure precious things can break_   
_And how we feel is hard to fake_   
_So let's not give the game away_

**ATLANTA**   
**Aug 9, 04:30**

Kaldur's hand was tight around mine as we walked out of the zeta booth. The sky was dark but as early in the morning as it was, the air was extremely humid and made breathing difficult. Kaldur found us a taxi and we hopped inside where he told the driver to drive fifty miles south.

The adrenaline wore off as we sat in the cab. I took a few deep breaths to keep from gasping for air and my legs were already begging me to quit. Kaldur unzipped the backpack and pulled out a new set of clothes for each of us. I nodded as I took them and he politely looked out his side of the cab as I changed. I did the same for him but I would be a liar if I claimed I didn't try to see his reflection in the window.

The taxi came to a stop after the fifty miles and we hopped out. We continued the pattern of hitchhiking and walking in intervals as the morning sun rose. From the direction, I guessed were headed to Florida. When we would get rides, Kaldur instructed me to sleep but the pain in my legs wouldn't let me so I settled for resting my head on his shoulder which he didn't protest at.

I didn't ask Kaldur where we were going and followed him blindly as we walked along the road waiting for another ride. Trusting Kaldur came easily. He was a natural leader and while we often differed on the method of execution on missions, I always deferred to his commands. He had never steered me wrong before and it was relaxing to follow him again.

After a few more hours of rides and walking, we said goodbye to a nice old man and exited his pickup, saying goodbye to his pet gator that shared the cab with us.

"Not every day I get to help out an Atlantean. I'm glad you two have each other, as weird as a couple as you are," he said harmlessly as he waved and drove off.

" _We're_ the odd couple? At least one of us isn't an alligator wearing a bow," I joked.

"Come on," Kaldur smiled. "The safehouse is nearby."

We walked off the blazing hot road and climbed over a sandy dune. The ocean spray was a welcome relief from the scorching heat. I looked over at Kaldur whose green eyes looked at the waves with a strange sad longing. Guilt overcame me as I remembered how much he was giving up for me. He nodded and we continued to walk along the beach where I remembered walking in sand was ten times harder than walking on the roads. My legs were screaming but my pride wouldn't let me show any weakness. I focused on keeping my limp unnoticeable until I ran into Kaldur's chest. I looked up to see him holding out the backpack.

"Hold this. You are breathing too hard." He turned back around and put his arms out. My pride and stubbornness chided me but my legs threatened to give out from the pain and the humidity in the air was like holding a wet towel over my mouth and nose.

I took a deep breath and floated onto his back. He wrapped his arms around my legs and carried me easily down the beach but he looked tired when he woke me up nearly ten hours ago. We were both running on fumes and we knew it but the smell of the ocean and being so close to the finish line gave both of us a second wind.

I glanced over at the ocean as the waves crashed soothingly. But no matter how hard I tried to push it away, the guilt came back. Kaldur had turned against not only his mentor, but his king, and this time it was real. I was so caught up in the romance of him pledging himself to stay by my side that I didn't think it through. I wasn't going to be in hiding forever. When Darkseid arrived with Savage, who most likely didn't know about the coup, I was taking my place again. By force, if needed. I still believed in survival of the fittest. I still believed the Justice League coddled the human race. So where would Kaldur fit into all of that? 

He betrayed the Light and now had betrayed the League and his own people. Would he still stand by me as I stood over the bodies of those I deemed unworthy of future in the Light? And was I even ready for the relationship Kaldur was clearly after?

"You keep sighing. Do you realize that?" he said back to me.

"I can't help it. I feel terrible. You given up everything for me."

"You cannot see what I have gained?"

I rolled my eyes and leaned to rest my head on his shoulder. "I'm not a gain, Tats."

"You are to me."

"Serious question: Are you a masochist?" I scoffed. He laughed and turned his head to me.

"Do I enjoy getting hurt? No. Do I see the payoff in remaining with you?" He turned his head forward and looked into the distance as if he were looking into the future with a smile. "Yes."

"What if there is no payoff? What if I'll only hurt you?"

"Are you a sadist?"

"Yes."

He scoffed and shook his head. "I do not believe that."

"Then you don't know me at all."

Kaldur stopped abruptly and let me go. I flew back and prepared for an argument. When he turned around, his light green eyes were furious.

"Then hit me," he challenged. I frowned, confused at his command and took a step back. He took a step forward and set his jaw. "If it will bring you pleasure, _hit_ me."

"Tats, stop."

"No. If you are a sadist then I want you to be happy." We stared at each other for a moment before he shouted, "Hit me, Star!" 

"Fine!" I yelled. "I'm not a sadist! Gods above, Tats! I was just venting!"

I started to walk past him but he walked in front of me looking dangerously similar to his father. I didn't fear Black Manta but seeing his mannerisms in Kaldur saddened me.

"I know everything about you, Regina Hayden." I growled at my old name but he only scowled back at me. "I know what commercials make you cry and what jokes make you laugh the loudest. I know your favorite author is Jane Austen but you hate any adapted movies. I know you like to listen to politics while you train because the anger drives you. I know you push people away, not because you think they will hurt you, but because you believe you are unworthy of their love. I know you inside and out, Star."

"You don't know everything." I pouted as I tried to hide my pink cheeks by looking to the ocean.

"Then tell me," he pleaded. "I know more than you want me to know and I am still here. What is one more secret?"

"Sometimes I wish you were still Manta... still Kaldur'ahm. Then I could tell you and you would understand but you won't see it the same way I do. If I tell you..." _You'll leave me._

"I know your world has fallen apart. I know you feel that nothing is okay anymore. But I want you to know... I need you to understand _we_ are okay. _We_ will not fall apart and I am not going anywhere. Understood?"

"Understood." I agreed with him but I didn't believe him. I figured I would let us live in blissful ignorance until Darkseid arrived. Then we would see Kaldur's crush and loyalty to the me truly be tested.

He turned around and gestured for me to get on his back but he had just made me admit defeat in front of him. I wasn't going to boost his ego anymore than needed. So I stuck my chin up and walked past him. He growled with a mixture of playfulness and exhaustion as he grabbed me around the waist and twisted me around before throwing me over his shoulder.

"Why must you be so _stubborn_?" he asked despite my protests.

"Don't act like you don't love it." My retort made him laugh loudly and I smiled at the sound of it.

Soon we came along other houses that were backed up against the beach and people waved from their porches but seemed relatively in their own worlds. We reached a pale blue bungalow style house with a veranda surrounded by large leafed bushes and palm trees. There were two windows on the left and right sides of the house with a screened door in the middle of them.

Kaldur walked up the wooden stairs and set me down, turning me so he could get into the backpack for the key. On the veranda were a few chairs and a large freestanding hammock. I started to wonder whose house this was and how Kaldur knew about it but he zipped the pack back up. When I turned around, he had begun to unlock the door but stopped as he opened it, looking at me thoughtfully. 

"Don't look at me like that," I scowled playfully.

"I do not know what you are referring to."

"Are you saying you don't realize that you are looking at me like you want to carry me over the threshold? Because I'm telling you now, Tats, I will make a lousy wife."

I laughed but he just looked at me with a smirk that showed he had a million thoughts going through his head. The confidence that came from him made my smile fade. It's not that I didn't like when he was assertive, but I liked being in charge of a situation. It wasn't the fear of him doing something I didn't want, it was the fear of enjoying it. So I desperately tried to take back control as he gestured for me to walk inside. As I walked past him, I poked his chest playfully.

"Just because we are living together doesn't mean anything, Tats. Don't expect anything." I moved to walk past him but he roughly put his arm in front of me, placing it on the other side of the doorway and blocking me.

"I am not expecting anything from you. This is to keep you safe. This is not to pressure you into anything."

"Good." I said with a smirk as I saw a way to take back the control. "Then you won't see it coming."

A pink flush filled his face and he backed up to let me in. When my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I saw I was standing in a small entrance that led to a modest living room. On the opposite side of the room, past the couch along the wall, the two wicker chairs opposite of it and a small coffee table with a box of old books between the furniture was a sliding glass door. There was no tv and I guessed from the odd vacancy, Kaldur had it removed. On my immediate left and right were opened doors that led to bedrooms and there was an archway to the left of the glass door that looked like where the kitchen was.

"Your room is the master suite to your right," Kaldur stated. "There is a bathroom for each room so we will not bother each other. Artemis sent a few clothing basics for you until we can get out. My room is to the left--"

"You found a house that has rooms on the _opposite_ sides of the house. Your honor knows no bounds, Tats."

He smiled slightly and fiddled with the key in his hand. "Let's not test that theory."

Kaldur was the most respectable person I knew but the idea of me pushing him past his limit of control caused my blood to become like magma inside of me. I bit my lip hard to stop the glow that threatened to peek out from Zatanna's spell. It worked but it left my lip sore.

"I will make us something to eat when I get back," Kaldur said as he pulled his hero suit out of the bag.

"Back?"

"Do not worry. I meant back from the ocean," he chuckled. "We should also shower and get some sleep."

"Oh, wow! You move fast! Didn't you just say we shouldn't test your honor?"

"Star."

"I'm just saying! _You_ are the one sending mixed signals! Did you or did you not just say we should shower and sleep together?" I laughed as I enjoyed the embarrassment that came over him. "Oh, you meant _separately_. Fine. Raincheck, then. I'll just have to imagine it while I'm in the shower. Alone." 

I smiled at him mischeviously but froze as his hand reached up to lightly graze my ear, tucking my hair behind it. His light eyes were soft and I couldn't help but glance at his full lips. I caught myself licking my own and glowed a soft pink as I looked up to see that Kaldur had seen it too. His pupils dilated at the sight of it and his breathing deepened as his hand held my cheek softly. His other reached up to mirror it like on the Watchtower a half a day ago which, by the way my body reacted, was too long to go without his hands on me. He moved closer to me but instead of meeting my lips, he lightly pressed his forehead to mine.

"You need to stop saying certain things, Star." His gesture was sincere and sweet but his voice was low and husky. "You are lucky I have to go."

"Why can't we ever agree on anything, Tats?" I whispered. "Because I think I would be luckier if you didn't."


	11. Alatónero

_Let it out_   
_don't let doubt ever have its say_   
_Down and out_   
_don't throw the towel we can win this race._

**KEY WEST**   
**Aug 9, 19:00**

The growl of my stomach was loud enough to wake the dead. Hungry and exhausted, I opened my eyes and lifted my head off the pillow to look around. The large open window showed the view of the porch, the beach and the orange sky. The fan above my large bed spun lazily but enough to move the air through the room. It had a small old dresser next to a small closet and a door that led to my personal bathroom that Kaldur was considerate enough to include in his house hunting. I realized I was going to need to spend a lot of time praying to the Gods of Burst Pipes if I was going to live out any fantasies.

_'You're lucky I have to go.'_

The room erupted into a bright redand wavering pink light that scolded me for forgetting my necklace in the bathroom after my shower. I pushed my face into my pillow and squealed as sixteen year old me couldn't believe she was in hiding with her idol and celebrity crush. The twenty two year old me then bit her lip hard to scold herself for squealing over someone she had already lived with, someone whose moral compass was permanently stuck on true north while mine spun around like a broken clock.

Although, if I was honest with myself, I never needed his honor and respectable behavior more. I didn't mean to be a cliche but I had literally left the worst relationship of my life. Yes, I enjoyed Kaldur's attention and I did want to see where the road led us but when he ventured further than his respectable boundaries, my fight or flight kicked in. I wanted to see where the road took us but I also wished he didn't have to settle for the person that I was at the moment. 

My stomach grumbled again and I grabbed a tank top and shorts before heading into the bathroom where I was greeted with my demonic face and the necklace on the counter that stared back at me like a ball and chain.

I was used to the red veins and the glowing eyes. I was used to the looks of disgust from those around me. At first glance, I was terrifying. My veins stood out like red neon throughout my body and my eyes made any religious person begin to silently pray. That would be enough for anyone to feel a little low on self esteem. The sad truth was that Lex was the one who helped me to see that the monstrous form I was cursed with was beautiful _because_ of the fear it caused.

I scoffed as I remembered myself in a similar situation in Lex's bathroom staring at the blood streaks and red blots that his bitten lip left on my body. I was able to rinse away the proof of my stupidity that day but now permanent scars riddled my face, arms, and legs. The most prominent were the one that framed under my cheek bone in an arc and two others that showed the way the debris had sliced over my collar bone and shoulder and through the side of my waist. 

The way Kaldur looked at the ones he could see showed he felt responsible but I didn't blame him. Despite what I said at the meeting, I didn't even blame the League. I blamed Lex and Marina but no matter who was to blame, the scars were staying.

Unless I put on the necklace.

Putting on that necklace meant more than hiding from the League and the Light. I was hiding from myself--again.

Sighing, I tossed the necklace back on the counter and walked out of my room. The house was quiet except for the sound of the waves through the open windows and screen door that Kaldur seemed to have opened while I slept. 

A soft snore came from Kaldur's room and I couldn't help myself. Curiously, I crept over to find his door was still open and he was laying face down on his bed as if he had passed out on it immediately after his swim. He only wore the bottom part of his hero suit, revealing his muscular back and the eel tattoos that began there. His back rose up and down as he quietly snored from the awkward angle he was in. The image of it made me begin to glow so I slowly backed away and headed to the kitchen.

On the small table was a sandwich and water with a note underneath that read:

' _I was not sure what sandwich you would prefer. I hope this is alright. If not, wake me and I will make you something else._

_Kaldurahm'_

His note was sweet but as I held it, I remembered Lex's note that I had found in my apartment after the summit.

_'It's time we finished our game, Darling.'_

My soft glow had disappeared as I frowned at the memory. I picked up the thoughtful meal, took it to the front of the house, and sat on one of the chairs I had noticed before. I made quick work of the sandwich and took a moment to relax while I drank the water.

"Where is it, Star?"

Kaldur's voice startled me so bad, I glowed a bright red as I shot up to a sleepy-eyed but angry Kaldur.

"You scared the shit out of me, Tats." His face remained unchanged as he reached for my arm. I quickly pulled it away and glared back at him. "Don't. Don't ever do that."

"Do you not understand what has been done to keep you safe here? Are you that willing to forget everything we have done today? Where is the necklace?"

The reasoning seemed valid when I left the bathroom but I could see at that moment how foolish I had been.

"It's on my bathroom counter," I said quietly. Kaldur walked inside without another word and I followed. He disappeared into my bathroom as I stood next to my bed rubbing my arm. When he came back out, he held each end and placed it up to my neck but I recoiled and scowled at him. 

"I'm inside. I don't need to wear it."

"You must always be in the habit of wearing it. All we need is one person to alert the authorities and everything we have done to protect you will be pointless."

"Is _that_ why you want me to wear it?" I challenged.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Forget about it." I rudely grabbed the necklace, glowing a deadly red and stared daggers at Kaldur's calm eyes as I put the necklace on. The glow disappeared and with it, I felt myself disappear. "Happy?"

"You are smarter than this, Star. I know you do not wish to be caught. Why did you do this?"

"Oh no, Tats. You aren't using your Atlantean magic on me to get me to open up to you."

He frowned but smiled at me. "I have never used my sorcery against you."

"Lie. You shocked me in Metropolis after I attacked Superman. Which really hurt by the way. Even Ja--" I froze as Kaldur looked at me innocently. Jason had tried to electrocute me in Gotham Cemetery but while I trusted Kaldur with my life, Jason's secret wasn't mine to tell. "Even _Jade_ shocked me once and it didn't even phase me."

"The construct of my electricity is based in sorcery. It is not normal electricity. Either way, I am sorry I hurt you." He rubbed the blonde stubble on his jaw. "I did not know you were Pyrrha. "

"But you did when you shattered my helmet. How _did_ you know?" I asked curiously. 

"I will let you in on my secret if you let me in on yours." He smiled innocently but I could see he enjoyed toying with me. The bed creaked as he sat on it and he gestured to the left of him for me to follow suit. I growled but did as he asked. A sigh left my lips as I revealed yet another secret to Kaldur.

"Before we attacked Metropolis, I had to hide who I was so you wouldn't know I was alive. LexCorp provided me stuff to cover my skin and contacts for my eyes for when I went out that itched like crazy. I usually went to this coffee shop to people watch and get out of my apartment but the day before the attack, I met this girl. She was beautiful and energetic and," I took a deep breath as I remembered her lifeless body of the beautiful southern girl that became the face of my identity torn psyche. "And I killed her."

"Why do you believe you killed her?"

"I didn't kill her directly. Kobra and his idiots jumped the gun. He hated being told what to do and rebelled against the Light. It was chaos. There were explosions everywhere. She was caught in one and..." I sighed. "Kobra should have been punished for his hubris before that day. It was my fault because I was worried about accepting my title of godhood. I could have stopped all of it but I chose to stay in hiding. It was my fault she died so I promised myself that I would never hide who and _what_ I was ever again."

"That was what you meant when you said Kobra took something from you. That was why you killed his men. I wondered why Shimmer and Mammoth no longer followed Kobra." He sighed as he let it sink in. "I am sorry about your friend. I know how hard it is to have lives weigh on you."

I looked up at him to see the familiar darkened eyes of a guilty conscience and realized that I wasn't the only murderer in the room. 

"The Kroloteans," I realized. "Tats, you can't take that on you. They were foolish aliens. Pawns, really."

"They were still lives," he countered.

I shrugged. "Survival of the fittest."

"How can you believe that and still be haunted by the memory of that girl?" I had no argument so he continued. "I think you saw that you had survived time and time again and that made you worthy of a life that you did not previously believe you deserved. But dying or being tested does not determine your worth. It is what you do with your abilities and talents that decides that."

"Then I'm worth a barrel of rotten apples," I laughed. "Why pretend to be Regina again when who I truly am on the inside is Pyrrha?"

"Star, you are not this." Kaldur's right hand reached up to gently brush my face with his knuckles, setting off a pink glow despite the necklace that he then lifted from my skin. "Or this."

He let the necklace fall from his fingers as he turned his hand and placed it over my heart.

" _This_ is who you are. Underneath the emotions and genetics and circumstances of your life, _this_ is you and it deserves another chance to shine."

The room was tinged with a rose pink hue as we looked at each other, the tension between us becoming unbearable. But if given the chance, I can always find a way to ruin something.

"That would be romantic if I didn't have a heart dipped in black and a soul doomed for Tartarus."

"It is still romantic," he said, deeper and softer than before. His hand skimmed over my collarbone and up my neck as the weight of his hand pulled me in closer. His green eyes locked onto mine but I glared at his advance only to have my body betray me when my damned teeth decided to quickly bite my bottom lip. It wasn't quick enough and his eyes darted to my aching lip. His eyelids fluttered for a moment and his hand and arm tensed. He leaned in close enough so that I could feel his lips softly tease the shell of my ear. "Perhaps your black heart is what attracts me, Star."

Eyes wide and muscles tight, I let out a small whimper as my bedroom was flooded with a wavering red that the necklace struggled to contain. I could feel him smile as my body begged me to give in but my heart also begged to have more time to heal. Kaldur picked up on my hesitancy and instead of whatever he was wanting to do, he let me go and pulled away from me.

"We should go," he struggled to say. "We need to let some energy out."

"Is that an offer?"

Smiling, Kaldur tapped my nose lightly as he stood up and walked to my door. "Put a swimsuit on. I will be outside."

I watched him leave and breathed a sigh of relief while kicking myself at the same time. What I told Artemis was the truth. Kaldur was perfect in my eyes but even though he said he liked me the way I was, I couldn't help but feel subpar compared to him. I shook the thoughts of self-hate away for another time and stood up to take a look at the suit Artemis gave me.

"Where the hell is the _rest_ of it, Artemis?" I muttered as I pulled the minimal fabric needed for any kind of clothing out of a shopping bag that had a winky face drawn on the side. Even with my necklace, I felt the embarrassment burn my cheeks. Looking in the bag again proved fruitful however, as she had thoughtfully provided two other options; a simple bikini with a ruffle top and a one piece with suggestively high sides and a zipper front. It was clear Artemis was still playing matchmaker.

I wasn't _uncomfortable_  with wearing these types of suits and I knew Atlanteans wore similar garments for everyday wear but I respected Kaldur and felt wearing the more scandalous ones were a bit much--at least to start off with. The two piece would have to do.

After dressing, I walked out of our house to see Kaldur in swim shorts of his own and looking out to the sea. He turned around as if he felt me behind him and relaxed as he looked at my attire.

"If I didn't know any better," I said as I sauntered to the Atlantean, "I'd say you were expecting something else."

"Artemis, she," he took a moment to find his words, "she gave me a warning that she gave you... options. But she winked as she said it."

"I know which one that was." My cheeks burned hot again but when I looked at Kaldur, I saw he looked flustered as well. "I guess we'll have to work up to that one."

He chuckled and nodded for us to start walking. "It is unlike you to take your time with anything."

"Instant gratification hasn't worked for me so far. Maybe it's time I learn how to pace myself. Any pointers?" I looked to Kaldur with a smirk but his face was blank as he looked forward.

"I am not the right person to ask about patience. I was _patient_ through a kidnapping, a death, a disappearance, an assassination attempt, and you falling in love with someone else. Patience never brought me anything but misery."

I grabbed his arm and forced him to stop but his eyes never broke from the waves hitting the beach. For a brief moment that broke my heart, Kaldur looked like his father. I walked in front of him but he still wouldn't look at me so I floated a little to reach his gaze. He smiled slightly and I floated back down.

"You promised me a way to let out some frustration, Tats. Let me hear it."

"I have this theory that if everyone went to the ocean once a week, the world would be less stressful."

"Have you met a Californian?" I frowned. "And isn't Poseidonis always under attack? What about lakes and rivers? Or pools and splash parks? "

"Star," he tapped my nose, smiling. "Focus. It _has_ to be saltwater. It needs to be in your hair and on your skin to wash the grime away. For example, when was the last time you were near the ocean?"

_Maldives..._

The blue glow washing in on the waves, waking to his smile, his acid green eyes when we learned of Kaldur's coma, the restart of my nightmares and my scratching. Even when we were at our happiest, Lex hurt me.

"Star." Kaldur's voice pulled me back. "You can remember but do not stay there. Come, take my hand."

He held his hand out and I took it without hesitation. Walking down the beach, we followed the rougher, louder waves that filled the air with spray until we reached a group of rocks where the roar of the ocean was deafening. Kaldur let go of my hand but I gripped it instinctually. He turned back, surprised as he looked at our hands and back up to me with a growing smile on his face. Closing the space between us, he leaned in to touch our foreheads together before leaving me to walk onto the rocks.

He stared out at the angry water for a few moments and I watched as the muscles in his back and arms slowly tensed. The energy around him became charged with a fury I had only felt the day he fought his father. It built and built until it released with him throwing his head back and yelling into the white noise of the crashing waves. I couldn't hear it but I could feel the pain and anger leave him. The sight was contradictory to say the least since Kaldur was the poster boy of calm and composed. 

Kaldur took a moment to look out at the sea that swallowed his anger and turned back to me. A part of me started to heat up at the raw emotion still in his eyes, curious to see more of this side of Kaldur but he nodded to the ocean signalling it was my turn. I frowned and bit my lip. I was angry, sure, but I was always angry. I was angry at Lex, the Light, Marina, myself, my past, and it felt like too much to let out with one scream.

Sensing me being overwhelmed, Kaldur put up one finger telling me to focus on one thing. So I chose.

 _Lex_.

I focused on the pain he put me through, physical and emotional. Every time he broke my heart and every time I went back to him. The sleep that I lost, the tears that I shed, the blood that I spilled. He was at the root of it all and I was slowly becoming aware that maybe Lex never cared for me, that I was the dog Marina said I was.

I could feel the pain bubble to the surface and the scream came out naturally. I couldn't hear myself but I could feel it. As if the ocean were pulling it from me, hot tears stung my eyes as they began to pour. The screaming soon stopped and my sobbing began as arms wrapped around me tightly.

"What was _wrong_ with me?" I cried into Kaldur's chest even though the crashing waves swallowed every sound. "Why didn't he love me? Why did he hurt me?"

Kaldur's hold tightened and I felt his chest vibrate as he answered my silent pleas. Embarrassed, I pulled back and moved my hand to wipe my eyes but he stopped me and shook his head. He led me back out to where we could hear each other again and stopped to watch the sun start to disappear into the water.

My ears were still ringing and like the emotion I saw on Kaldur's face, my own pain felt like wounds that were open for all to see.  I felt self-conscious as Kaldur looked to me, analyzing every tear streak.

"Now," he said softly, "we let the saltwater wash it away."


	12. Thalassa

_Day by day, we'll journey on_   
_Through the storm and through the calm_   
_Day by day, we'll find a way_   
_Together_

**KEY WEST**   
**Aug 9, 18:00**

"Tats!" I yelled at the water, trying to see where he was. "I swear to the gods that I will fly to the shore right now! This isn't funny!"

"I thought it was quite humorous."

I turned around quickly and splashed the grinning Atlantean who had finally popped his head out of the water.

After we had let out our frustrations on the rocks and I unattractively sobbed into Kaldur's chest, he advised that we swim for a while. Kaldur was far more confident in the water and was literally swimming circles around me, bobbing up and down in the water, and teasing me by gently tugging a leg. I began to feel fatigued but seeing Kaldur come out of the water with water droplets running down his face gave me the 'strength' to brave the pain.

"Did you like the view?" I playfully scowled but his face grew serious as he wiped his face and swam close to me.

"That was not... I didn't--"

"It's a joke, Tats. I know you wouldn't do something so lascivious." I meant to follow my banter up with something flirty but I became dizzy and focused on keeping my head above the waves.

"Star... are you flying underwater?"

Embarrassed, I nodded. He shook his head but his lips couldn't hide the growing smile as he turned around and gestured for me to get on his back again. My pride was wounded but I had to fight my inner fire as I realized we were both wearing significantly less clothing than when we were in this situation a few hours ago. Kaldur must have had the same thought because he cleared his throat as our skin made contact.

Silently, he navigated us back to the shallows and I tried to keep my mind occupied on other things. Definitely wasn't thinking about how his back muscles flexed underneath me and definitely wasn't imagining him in any other scenarios. I averted my attention to his tattoos and remembered holding his hand as he laid in a coma on his father's ship.

"Did your tattoos hurt?" I asked softly.

"No," he answered simply but when I scoffed, he seemed to rethink it. "Not compared to other things."

"Is that a jab at me?"

"Yes," he chuckled. "But like the tattoos, the pain was worth it in the end."

His words echoed in my mind. What things were truly worth the pain? The gifts that the sun gave me--fire, electricity, flight, strength--they made me the best version of myself but the path I was set on after that night was filled with pain. It took me away from my friends and my family. It took me from Kaldur and placed me in front of Lex who seemingly only cared for me as a piece on his chessboard. I had done terrible things to become a part of the Light, to remain in the Light. Was that pain worth it? Would Kaldur still think so once he found out the rest of my secrets?

"You are sighing again."

"Mind your own business, Tats."

"You  _are_  my business," he said in a playfully mocking tone and I laughed as I tightened my hold on him.

The gentle waves lapped against us as he came to a stop once we hit the shallows but I didn't let go of his shoulders. Kaldur didn't seem to mind as his hands reached up to hold my arms in place.

"May I ask you something?" His voice was almost timid, despite our intimate position. I hummed for him to continue. "You said you wished I was the man you thought I was in the Light."

I grimaced. I knew that outburst would bite me in the ass.

"I only meant that I wanted to be able to tell you things without fear of you seeing me differently. The Kaldur'ahm I believed to have killed Artemis in cold blood would hear my secrets and not bat an eye. He would probably stab me in the back again but he wouldn't think any less of me."

Kaldur remained quiet and stared out into the water as the last remaining daylight faded. I let go of his shoulders and swam in front of him but he wouldn't look at me. I held his face gently and floated up to meet his eyes. Kaldur was an amazing leader and confident in his convictions but every once in a while, doubt filled him. This time, the doubt was because of me and the thought of that made my chest ache.

"Tats, do you think I really prefer that version of you? I hated you as Manta. You killed my friend, you used me, and you undermined me at every turn. If I seemed to be into you as Manta, it was because you let it slip that you were still you. I like  _you_. I've always liked you," I lowered my hands from his face and rubbed my arm, "since I was sixteen years old."

My cheeks were on fire but I kept my eyes on his as his pale eyes stared at me with confusion.

"We did not meet until--"

"We were eighteen," I finished. "And I told you I was a fan. I just neglected to say I was not only a fan of your strong morality but also of the way your suit fit."

I smiled as Kaldur looked away bashfully but his eyes began to darken again.

"This is about  _him_ , isn't it? I thought you said you were going to make me forget him."

"It seems I am the one who cannot forget."

The guilt crushed me. I imagined how Kaldur must've felt when he learned of my involvement with Lex when he joined his father, how his heart must have broken when he saw that stupid newspaper on New Year's, or how scared he must have been to watch me walk away from him and into LexCorp with Luthor.

"I'm sorry," I said, fighting back tears.

"For what? You have nothing to be sorry for."

"I have a million things to be sorry for but I shouldn't have let my guard down with Lex." Kaldur clenched his jaw at my casual use of the name. "I thought he cared about me. I thought that the good that I saw in him meant he let me past his walls but it was all just a game."

"That is not true. It was clear to see he cared about you but I know he is not the type of person who would recognize it as a strength to draw from. To him, love is a weakness." He looked away from me and his muscles tensed. "I hate him for what he put you through."

"Aqualad doesn't hate anyone," I tried to joke. He turned back to me and reached up to touch the spot where the scar on my cheek would be if I weren't wearing Zatanna's necklace.

"I hate  _him_."

"If it makes you feel better, he hated you too. He would probably go ballistic if he could see us."

And he would. Lex loathed Kaldur's effect on me. He justified his jealousy by saying my suspicions of Kaldur weakened me but Lex must have sensed our history together, even if I had moved on from Kaldur. Or so I thought.

"That does make me feel better, actually." He smiled warmly as he rubbed his thumb across my cheek. "Sometimes, I feel this is a dream. I have wanted to be this close to you for so long, to be able to tell you--to show you--how I felt... and what I still feel."

"Sorry for making you wait," I whispered.

"I knew it would be worth it."

A fire began to burn inside me and I saw the same fire in Kaldur's eyes but I wasn't ready for what my body was urging me to do. Just talking about Lex brought painful memories up and I really didn't want to move to kiss Kaldur only to accidentally sucker punch him again. So I wussed out and turned away from him to defuse the energy.

"The moon is so large tonight. It's quite beautiful."

Kaldur closed the space between us as he pulled up behind me, wrapping his right arm around my waist and pulling me to him gently. His left hand reached across me to slightly turn my head to him as he leaned in to whisper into my ear.

"It's beauty doesn't compare."

My fight or flight kicked in. Flight won.

I burst away from him and out of the water but he gripped my wrist before I could escape to the shore. As strong as I was, Kaldur's strength matched it as he kept his hold on me. His eyes begged me to stay as I'm sure mine begged him to let go.

"Please, do not run."

"Let me go, Tats." I wanted it to sound threatening but it came out more pitiful than expected.

"Then wait for me on the shore. Please."

I nodded and he released my wrist. I flew to the beach and paced, silently screaming inside my mind of why I should run or why I should stay. Before my mind could make a decision, Kaldur came out of the water towards me.

That damn fire inside of me burned like lava as I watched the water roll off of him, the moonlight reflecting off of his every muscle. I had seen Kaldur in nearly every situation and seeing him shirtless wasn't new to me. Maybe it was the moon or the day's worth of tension that had built up between us or maybe it was because we weren't eighteen anymore. We had been through so much apart and together that it had matured us in every sense of the word.

My eyes followed the falling water down his chest and to his abs. I realized I had been staring when I saw everything was lit by a faint pink glow that had surpassed the necklace's limit. My eyes darted away from his body and up to his eyes where I was met with a smirk as he came closer. I bit my lip so hard, I could taste blood but at least, the glow disappeared.

"You should not hurt yourself like that. I do not mind," he said softly but I couldn't think of anything to say. "I am sorry, Star. Am I moving too fast again?"

"Yes. Trust me, I would love nothing more than to be able to move so quickly, your head would still be spinning the next morning but I just can't."

"If you are afraid of hurting me again, it did not hurt as bad as it looked."

"It's not just that. Even if I finally am able to move forward..." I forced myself to think about the real reason I knew we wouldn't last. "There's no guarantee you'll stay by my side."

His face became dark, his jaw clenched, and I saw his father's features again.

"You still doubt me? After all I have done?"

"That's just it, Tats. I  _don't_  doubt you. I know you. When you find out what I've done--" The thought of seeing Kaldur's disappointment killed me. The tears stung as I fought to keep them inside.

"I still owe you a secret, Star," he said with pain and a hint of anger. I had forgotten that I had asked him how he knew I was Pyrrha. "The night you were sucked into the fire, we were still  _linked_."

My eyes widened at his revelation. I could only remember Dick's voice in my mind as we tried to contain the situation but if we were linked, the whole Team was too.

"I heard your screams in my mind," he continued, his lip trembling slightly, "and when you died, the emptiness I felt sent me to my knees. So when I broke your helmet and saw that eye, red or grey, how could I not recognize that agony? How could I not join my father in hopes of being near you again? How could I not abandon everything I know just to stay by your side?

"From the day we met, I have craved to be near you. There is something about you that I cannot get out of my mind. I have done everything I can to show you that and yet you still question my resolve? I am not  _him_ , Star. I would never hurt you like he did. I could not live with myself if I did.

"I want to be the reason for your smile, to be the one to wipe your tears away. I want to know that you are safe in your bed and not crying yourself to sleep over something I had done. I want to steal your heart every morning and give it back to you every night. If it takes you fifty years to feel comfortable enough to be with me then I will wait. You need to know that without a second thought, I will move mountains to stand by your side through everything and anything, whether you ever confide in me or not."

I took a deep breath and realized I had tears falling down my cheeks. His confession had been everything I wanted to hear but I just couldn't let my guard down again.

"I want to believe you, Tats, but True Love's Kiss won't change me back into Jet Starling. If you choose me, you choose Pyrrha and all of my sins. Past, present, and future, because they are going to pay for what they did to me--with blood. Nothing you say is going to stop me."

"I. Choose. Star. And if you choose me, you will not need revenge to be happy." He cupped my face and wiped the remaining tears away. "Do you choose me?"

I stared into his eyes and I became lost in them, completely forgetting for a moment what we were even talking about. I snapped out of it and decided.

"Yes. I do."

He sighed and brought his forehead to mine, his hands still gently holding my face. How he could be so adorably respectful dumbfounded me as I fought to keep my own hands behaved.

"You are so dramatic," he whispered. "It is only our first day here."

"Night, actually."

"You are right. Follow me."

We walked back into the house and Kaldur told me to change out of the swimsuit and meet him back on the beach. I changed into a tank top and shorts and walked back out to see Kaldur had set up the hammock with pillows and his comforter.

"I thought we were going slow?" I joked.

"The stars are too beautiful to be wasted by sleeping indoors."

"You mean apart."

"Something like that."

He situated himself in the large hammock and I floated in next to him letting the fabric push us together. Kaldur pulled his arm out for me to lay my head on his chest and I smiled as I heard and felt the normally calm man's rapidly beating heart.

We spent the night talking about nothing and everything as our hands remained locked together. When we became too tired to talk, Kaldur began to hum beautifully strange melodies as we watched the stars. A shooting star shot across the sky and I closed my eyes knowing there was nothing for me to wish for.

**\---**

Her breathing slowed as I hummed to her, but even as she drifted off to sleep, the soft hold she had on my hand never faltered. I looked to the stars and thanked the gods before asking them to make an exception and prolong the night for us.

A soft sigh escaped her as she nestled deeper into me. Happily, I held her tighter as I continued to hum Atlantean songs to help her sleep, only stopping to whisper in her ear.

"Se agapó, asteri mou."

**\---**

The sun was barely rising as I woke to the soothing sound of the waves and the warmth of another body holding me protectively. Smiling from ear to ear, I couldn't help myself from holding Kaldur tighter and intertwining my legs in his. He sleepily moaned before mumbling something in Atlantean but the only word I could make out was 'aster'. His arms readjusted to hold me as tight as I held him, enveloping me in his warmth and scent. He buried his face in my hair, sighing deeply before mumbling himself back to sleep.

My heart thumped a message to me that I tried to ignore. Last time I understood what my heart said, it was the beginning of my end. We hadn't even kissed but the happiness that blazed inside me just by waking up next to him was unlike anything I had ever felt. His reassuring words still echoed in my mind and as much as I wanted to think they were only words, I knew he was sincere. I wasn't ready to tell him what the Light had done but I accepted he was in it for the long haul. Kaldur would never leave me in the middle of the night, be afraid of his feelings for me, or even attempt to kill me because I wouldn't do as I was told.

Kaldur was different. Kaldur wasn't Lex. Even though he hadn't said it, I  _knew_  Kaldur loved me.

And one day, I would be able to tell him that I was in love with him, too.

**A/N: I love** **writing** **these** **two** **. The last three chapters were all meant to be one but** **that's** **clear now why I had to split it, right? Too much fluff to stuff.**

**Fun fact, the singer for this chapter's song is deaf** **.** **Isn't** **she amazing tho?**


	13. Lethe

_And when I can feel with my sun hands_   
_I'll promise not to lose her again_   
_And even if the morning never comes_   
_My hands are blessed to have touched the sun_

**ST MARTIN'S ISLAND, METROPOLIS**   
**Aug. 20, 17:00**

I sat in my study as the news played in the background. I was behind on work but couldn't stand to stay afterhours in my office so close to the vacant apartment that was stained with memories of Pyrrha.

That immature woman was a mistake in my life. In the beginning, I knew I was literally playing with fire and I should have known better than to get romantically involved with her. I could see my mistake clearly that Pyrrha couldn't compare to the woman that Marina was and how I didn't see it before baffled me.

In fact, plenty of things were baffling to me recently. First and foremost were the headaches that came on without a trigger. They occurred mostly in the mornings but they had started happening during the day as well, leaving hours missing from my mind. I had a hunch it was Marina but that couldn't be possible. She was perfect and couldn't do anything wrong.

A chime sounded on my laptop signalling that I had received an email. My blood ran cold but my heart beat rapidly as I saw the subject line.

_Maldives_

My mind raced as I checked the sender and saw it was sent through a fake pseudonym. That was my private investigator's M.O. leading me to put together that 'Maldives' had to be our code word but for the life of me, I could not remember if I had hired him. It had to be about Pyrrha and while just thinking about her nauseated me, I wouldn't have hired Leon for a simple task.

I clicked on the email to open it and inside was a simple two words: ' _Tell Mercy_.'

I turned to my side as Mercy stood professionally staring ahead and I motioned to the screen as she glanced at me.

"Care to elaborate?"

She simply looked at the screen then back to me and nodded.

**\---**

We pulled up under a bridge to see a familiar beat up car and a man sitting on the hood smoking. As I stepped out, I noticed his hands were shaking.

"Leon, you look even worse than your car--"

"I've sent the payment back." I frowned at his interruption. My employees knew better than to speak to me in such a way and if Leon, one of the most well paid, had no time for manners then something serious had him shaken up.

"You'll have to excuse me, I'm not quite sure what we are meeting for."

He looked at Mercy who only nodded for him to go on. "You employed me to find Pyrrha with strict instructions to keep everything secret. Even more than usual."

"I gathered that on my own. So what have you found?" He fidgeted nervously, putting out his used up cigarette and starting another. 

"What do you know of the Red Hood, boss?" His voice was nearly as shaky as his hands.

"It's a mask and moniker used by a gang of the same name in Gotham City."

"Not no more," he revealed blandly. I had to keep from sighing at his delivery as I wasn't in the mood for long winded gossip. "This guy is different. He has become a name all his own practically over night. The criminals are afraid of Batman and his birdies but that's nothing compared to the fear this guy brings with him. He makes Gotham criminals piss their pants, whether by scaring them or killing them. I ain't exaggerating neither. He's left a body trail a mile long... and he paid me a visit early this mornin'."

"You've been threatened before, Leon. A talked up psychopath should be nothing compared to what you've been through. Just up your security. That's what I pay you for."

"Boss, with all due respect, I know how to do my damn job and I know how to set up security. This guy got through it all. I didn't even know he was there until a round had been fired into me." He lowered his shirt collar and lifted some reddened gauze to show a freshly stitched wound just under his left shoulder.

"You were lucky," I said.

"Luck had nothin' to do with it. This guy ain't some Gotham psychopath. He shot next to a major artery on purpose. Far enough away to allow for the cavitation left in the track but close enough to send a message. This was  _surgical_  skill, boss. He said if I didn't stop looking for Pyrrha, he wouldn't use a gun next time. He would use his fists and, boss, I swear I could hear his smile."

"If you were being threatened then you must've been getting somewhere."

"That's just it. I got nothin'. I learned the burned body wasn't even a body but a mannequin planted at the spot. That's it and that was weeks ago. No one has seen anything. She just vanished into thin air." Leon sucked his teeth and shook his head. "If you don't ever want to hire me again, I understand."

"This was no ordinary job as Pyrrha is no ordinary human. Death never seems to find her long enough to hold her and she's very good at hiding with the right help." I mused on Leon' s information. "How tall was this marksman?"

"About six foot. Maybe a bit taller."

"Smell?"

"Boss?"

"What did he  _smell_  like?"

"Cigarette smoke but it could have just been my own cigarettes." He looked at me as I connected the dots. "Is that significant?"

"Yes but there's no need to worry yourself with it." I stepped forward and shook the man's hand. "The money will be sent back to your account for your troubles."

"Boss, there's more. He told me to give  _this_  to you." He held out a lone bullet for me to take. I examined the bullet and saw that it had an 'L' carved into the primer. "He said if you ever go near her again, he'll want this back... so he can put it in your skull. His words. Not mine."

I nodded to the man as he lit up a new cigarette and I placed the bullet in my pocket. "Take care of that injury, Leon."

As Mercy drove me back towards the city, I looked up to the rearview mirror to gauge her reactions.

"I'm enthralled." I stated. Mercy only glanced back and returned her eyes to the road, confirming my suspicion. 

I sighed as I looked out the window to think my situation through. I was usually the one playing others. Being used like this was completely new to me and deeply disconcerting especially knowing that I would have to go back to being used so as to keep Pyrrha protected.

"The headaches?" Mercy held up a pill bottle and it connected. All the lost hours, all the pain was months of me protecting Pyrrha.

An objective thought came to me. 

Perhaps the situation was a good thing. I knew I loved her although I did not feel it at the moment. I also knew she felt the same to some degree. After all, she did attack after seeing Marina and I for a reason. She considered me hers even though we weren't together. However, one hurting the other was a reoccurring theme in our relationship. A clean break may be the thing I needed to see clearly.

Pyrrha drove me mad by forcing me to make rash decisions, leaving my guard down to Marina, and making me literally beg outside a disgusting excuse for an apartment to have her back. Pyrrha changed me and not for the better. 

But I would be lying if I believed I didn't return the favor. There were the countless times I let her down during our relationship, forcing her to be experimented on, humiliating her in front of the Light, our battle for dominance as the world almost ended, me being with Marina, and the many things she did not know I had done.

If she ever came out of hiding, did I want her back in my life? Pyrrha brought nothing but chaos and confusion and with the Light awaiting Darkseid's coming, the last thing I needed was Pyrrha's drama. Especially with the added knowledge of Marina's hand in all of the mess. 

But...

The pull was still there. Even under Queen Bee's thumb, my mind inevitably found its way back to Pyrrha. 

She was mine, I was hers, and things had been set into motion that would bind us together forever.

Whether she wanted it or not.


	14. Oikogéneia

_You'll come back when it's over_   
_No need to say goodbye_

**KEY WEST**   
**Sep 1, 06:00**

"Star."

A familiar voice tried to rouse me but my eyes wouldn't open. That was indicative of it being too damn early for anyone's nonsense.

Even if they had a sexy morning voice. 

"Star, I can tell you are awake because you are frowning at me. We talked about this," Kaldur scolded as I remained in my bed. I felt the bed shift as he knelt on the bed and gently shook my shoulder, taking the bait. In a swift motion, I reached out to grab his wrist and pulled him down on me.

"You let your guard down, hero." I smirked at the pale green eyes that stared down at me. Before I could register what happened, my wrists were held above my head and my legs were pinned as a shirtless Kaldur straddled me. 

"Perhaps it was  _you_  that let  _your_  guard down,  _criminal_."

The familiar fight inside of me to keep my heat down and glow controlled began as his eyes seemed to pierce through the early morning darkness to find me. His smirk faded as he looked down at the lip I was biting. He lowered one of his hands from my wrists and brushed my cheek lightly with his thumb.

"Please, do not do that anymore."

I released my swollen lip and his thumb travelled across it making the deep pink glow only he caused waver in the darkness as it struggled against the necklace's limit. He smiled at my breath hitching in my chest and leaned down slowly.

But as every other time, I moved my head slightly to the side, rejecting him. I could feel his pain as he lowered his head to touch our cheeks together and sigh quietly.

"Hurry and get dressed," he whispered into my ear, making my body tingle in frustration. "We are running behind."

He carefully moved off of me and I sighed as he closed the door. For weeks, we had been doing the same torturous dance with the same torturous ending. We knew how the other felt but my residual pain from Lex hindered me from moving forward or even giving Kaldur the chance to try.

I sat up and touched my wrists where Kaldur had held them. My skin wasn't red at all. His touch had been so light, I could've broke free at anytime but I chose to stay under him and I chose to deny his advance. 

"What the hell is wrong with me?" I whispered before getting dressed for the day in simple khaki shorts and a purple tank top. 

The big plans Kaldur woke me up for were to go grocery shopping but as is everything when you are a worldwide fugitive on the run from damn near everyone, even a trip to the market has to be done with the utmost caution. Especially when Aqualad is at your side. He could hide his gills easily enough but on the offchance someone saw his hands, he was met with stares which usually led to me getting angry and possibly threatening to break someone's arm or something equally brutal.

Even though I could see see Kaldur secretly liked my overreaction, he decided it best for us to do our shopping when it was still dark out. Locals were usually asleep and tourists had passed out for the next twelve hours. The downside was that it was still freaking early. Not even Kaldur made me want to wake up. In fact, it made it harder to not pull him into bed and cuddle for the rest of the morning.

As I stood in the aisle looking at a bag of organic rice compared to the store brand rice, I could feel someone's rhythmic breathing just behind my ear making goosebumps rise on my skin.

"You think you're sneaky?" I asked as I turned to see the handsome Atlantean smirking at me.

"I know I am. I have surprised you once or twice." He caught me looking at his lips and his breathing deepened. "Pick one. I want to go home."

"Listen, I'm the cook and I want quality ingredients."

"I do not know why you feel the need to cook things. They are healthier raw."

"But they taste better cooked."

"Fine. You know I will always let you have your way."

"That sounded far more inviting than I think you meant it to be, Tats," I purred as I turned around. He smiled back at me but not in a way I expected. It was almost bittersweet. "What? Why you looking at me like that?"

"I enjoy living with you, again," he said softly as he played with a lock of my long black hair that I failed to put up in a ponytail.

"This is a bit different than bumping into each other in the cave, Tatty Boy."

"You are right." He tucked the hair behind my ear and traced down my neck. "It's  _better_."

My body begged me to move. Begged me to push the tall man into the shelves, slide my hands under his shirt, and find out how his lips taste. 

So why in hell did I take a step back?

"I forgot to get a block of cheese," I whispered. "Do you mind getting it for me?"

"On the  _other_  side of the store," Kaldur said blandly.

"Yes."

He smiled sadly. "Of course, Star."

He walked away and I threw the rice into the cart. I didn't know why I was holding back. I had told Kaldur I chose him over revenge, that I wanted him over everything and that was the truth. Every day that went by, I fell deeper and deeper in love with him but my heart still felt stained by Luthor's touch which left me feeling guilty whenever Kaldur tried to go further.

Kicking myself for being terrible to the best person in the world, I walked to produce and grabbed some essentials including a fruit called Carambola that Kaldur had a sweet tooth for.

"Oh my God." A voice cut through the early morning silence of the store. "Reggie!"

My blood ran cold and I momentarily froze at the sound of my name. Instincts took over and my blood heated up, preparing for a fight. I stood up straight and looked to see who called my name but was surprised when I saw an unfamiliar old woman with short grey hair and deep brown eyes widely staring back at me from across the tub of star shaped fruit. 

"I'm sorry. Do I know you?" My eyes stayed on the woman but I watched for any indication in my peripheral that I needed to run to find Kaldur.

"Are you from Gotham?"

 _Shit_.

"Who wants to know?"

"Is my wife bothering you?" An old man walked up to the woman who was still staring at me with wide eyes. "Sweetheart, you can't just try to talk to everyone on the island."

"Look at her eyes!"  _Shit_. "She looks just like Jaron!"

My body froze again and I looked at the couple closely. 

"Th-that's my father's name." I looked at the older man and noticed his grey eyes. My heart beat rapidly. "Who  _are_  you?"

"Oh my God, Reggie." The old woman began to tear up and gripped her husband's shirt. "It's her."

"Don't cry, sweetheart," the man said, consoling his wife as I stood in shock. 

That's when I saw Kaldur staring at me from behind the couple with panic in his eyes. I took a breath and motioned for him to come to me at which he practically flew to my side, gripping my hand tight. The couple looked up at him, startled and then they looked at our hands. Specifically, Kaldur's.

Their eyes returned to mine, demanding an introduction. I turned to Kaldur still feeling the initial shock and it must've shown because I could see Kaldur was doing his best to be my anchor.

"Um, I'm Regina and this is m-my..." My brain shorted out as I couldn't call him my boyfriend and I couldn't say he was only my friend. Again, Kaldur came to my aid and with a smile hiding his pain, he squeezed my hand before reaching out to the couple.

"I am Kaldur'ahm. Pleased to meet you." His voice was steady and strong but I felt like dirt knowing I had hurt him in front of strangers who clearly, by the way they awkwardly shook his hand, had never seen or met an Atlantean before.

"Reggie Hayden," the old man gestured to himself before putting his arm around his wife who seemed ready to burst into tears again. "This is my wife, Viola."

"Tats," I said quietly. "I think these two are my grandparents."

"I see that," he whispered back. He gestured to some other customers who were glancing at us. "And I am not alone. We should go somewhere private to continue this."

"Please!" Viola blurted out. "Come to our suite. I would love to make you lunch and talk." Viola scribbled the details on a scrap of paper and placed it in my hand as Kaldur ushered me away.

The entire way home up until we were almost done putting the groceries away, Kaldur stayed silent. Unable to take it anymore, I grabbed his arm.

"Please say something."

"No."

I clenched my jaw as my heart cracked and splintered at the sound of his pain.

"Talk to me. Yell at me. I messed up--"

"What are we, Star? What am I to you?" He turned, his eyes piercing me. "What were you going to say? And why  _didn't_  you?"

I had no answer. Not one that was good enough and he knew it. But in true peacemaker fashion, he left the topic and went to our next problem. 

"This is extremely dangerous. You may have compromised us."

"I wasn't exactly expecting to run into family in the Keys. What was I supposed to do? Smokebomb and run? Silly me, I left my utility belt at the Batcave."

He rubbed the bridge of his nose before running his hand over his blonde hair. "Can we trust them?"

"I met them moments before you did. I'm not hiding any new information." I turned away from his frown and leaned against the kitchen counter. "You know my past, Tats. You know my parents were addicts and I use the term 'parents' in the loosest possible way. They were terrible excuses for humans that couldn't even spare the money to buy a damn Pack'n'Play to leave me in while they got high. When the police arrived, they found me in the tub. I feel no attachment to that part of me."

"You aren't curious about your past? Or to know their past?"

"Did  _you_  feel better knowing who your father was? Did that bring  _you_  closure?"

Kaldur's eyes fell and again, I felt lower than dirt. I didn't mean for it to be insensitive but what Kaldur had to endure to infiltrate the Light could be seen in his eyes. I took his hand in mine and held it to my chest. His darkened eyes lit up and he smiled.

"I'm sorry, Tats," I whispered. "I'm scared. I'm angry. I'm sad. I spent my whole life completely okay with being alone. Regina Hayden was my name but it didn't mean anything. Now I know I was named after my grandfather and there are more Hayden's than just me. It's all so  _alien_. I don't know the first thing about having a family."

"What are you talking about? The Team was a family. Batman, Nightwing, and the others were like a family."

"Exactly. 'Like a family'. Remember just a year ago when I tried to kill most of you? They are family but that word is empty. I don't know what it means."

His smile faded and I dropped his hand as the anxiety began to build again.

"I apologize for being short with you." He brought his hand to my cheek, brushing the hair from my face. "I was scared, too. I still am. This paradise we have away from the League and the Light is something I will fight to keep or run with you if need be but I hope we do not have to."

"Then," I sighed, "we better go surprise them and keep them from posting something stupid on social media."

**\---**

Nervously, I knocked on the brightly colored door and took a step back to hold Kaldur's hand for security. He squeezed it gently as the door flew open and I was yanked inside by the tiny, but surprisingly strong, woman. 

"Oh, we were so afraid you wouldn't come! Reggie said you would but you looked so scared!" She held me out and examined me. "You're too thin! Have you not been eating? You!  _Atlantean_!"

The way she barked Kaldur's race made my heat jump and the hairs on my neck stood up as I turned to see Kaldur still standing outside politely. While I was clearly startled by the woman's tone, Kaldur simply smiled back at her attempting to be as non-threatening as possible. 

"You're her friend, right?" The word stung me as I knew it had to have stung Kaldur. "Why are you letting her starve?"

" _Kaldur'ahm_  has been feeding me just fine," I said defensively.

"Viola," the old man said calmly as he held her shoulders. "Let's not attack our guests before they've even entered the room. Come in, young man."

Kaldur stepped in confidently but when he took my hand again, it felt more like he was using me for support rather than the usual other way around. We walked into the modest suite and sat at the small conversation couch set. Viola made an approving hum as Kaldur waited for me to sit first and we all sat and stared at eachother. 

"What brings you here?" I broke the silence.

"Retired and vacationing." Viola said but winced. "That must sound terrible. Our grandchild out in the world and we're catching rays in Florida."

"To be honest, I never expected you or anyone to look for me." I meant it to be reassuring but Viola teared up again and her husband held her hand.

"We come here to get away from our work. It's quite stressful and for our age, it takes a heavy toll."

"What is it you do, if you do not mind my asking?" Kaldur spoke up, his voice making my heart beat steadier.

"We help to unite those families who are or have been in adoptive services, both sides permitting."

"That is amazing," I nearly whispered as I remembered the kids I grew up with.

"You were the reason we got into it, honey." Viola was still on the brink but smiled at me warmly. "We've been searching for you for over two decades."

"What?" I said breathlessly and Kaldur squeezed my hand. 

"Maybe I should back up." Viola mused. "Our son, Jaron, was a good boy. He was handsome and smart. But those grey eyes and his intelligence would often get him into trouble. Jaron became bored with school and got involved with the wrong crowd. He was in and out of jail for minor offenses but we decided enough was enough. No more paying for his bail. That's when he found someone to help him out with money. In return, he had to start working for them. We rarely saw him and when we did--"

Viola began to sniffle and Reggie held out a handkerchief for her to use. 

"Jaron had begun to use drugs." Reggie continued in Viola's stead. "He met a woman, your mother, Suni. Suni was a dangerous little thing and Jaron would have jumped off of a cliff if she asked him to. But she was more manipulative than that. She liked his attention. She made him stop all contact with us and for years, we had no clue where our son was. 

"Then a call came from a Gotham City area code. Jaron and Suni were living there working for the Eagle family or something. What was it, dear?"

"Falcone," I said flatly but my blood was boiling. My father and mother were idiots working for one of the worst criminals of Gotham. But who was I to judge since the apple didn't seem to fall far from the tree.

"That's the one!" Viola said as if I had helped her remember a street name and not one of most dangerous crime syndicates in the country. "They called us because Suni had become pregnant with you. We offered to fly them back to Star City and set them up with an apartment of their own but they never arrived. Months went by with no word. We decided to go to Gotham City and speak directly to the police but--"

I expected Viola to start crying again but she had stopped the story because of her husband. He gripped her hand, and she placed her other hand on top his gently.

"The worst part was that you had fallen in the cracks of the system. Missing paperwork, unanswered phone calls, weeks and weeks of no results. We had to return home but we never stopped looking."

"Lot of good it did." Reggie spoke up, his voice cracking.

"That's enough, Reggie. Look at her. She's a beautiful young woman." She turned her attention to me. "We thought of you every day, Regina. Were you warm? Were you fed enough? Were you loved?"

Kaldur squeezed my hand and I knew what he was trying to say. These two had been through hell. I didn't need to tell them about mine.

"Yes," I said. "I was loved. I was taken in by a man who introduced me to a family too large for words."

I looked at Kaldur who smiled slightly telling me I had said the right thing but a loud clap snapped our attention back to Viola who was beaming brightly. 

"We must meet this wonderful man who took you in! I can't wait to tell the ladies at church that we found you!"

"No." Kaldur's voice cut through through the couple's spirits like a knife. "You  _cannot_  tell anyone about Regina."

"Pardon, me Atlantean," Viola spat back, "but she's  _our_  granddaughter."

"This  _Atlantean_ ," I emphasised, "is the only person who has stayed by my side when everyone else gave up on me. This  _Atlantean_  has saved me time and time again from every possible crisis I've put myself into. This  _Atlantean_  is the closest thing to family that I know. And his name is  _Kaldur'ahm_!"

The two stared up at me in terror as I struggled to control my temper.

"Star..."

I looked down at Kaldur who was still sitting in his chair and realized the room was flooded with wavering red light that struggled against the necklace and I had flown up out of my chair. I floated back down as the room returned to the sunny yellow from the outside light.

"What happened to you?" Reggie asked shakily as he held his wife. I looked to Kaldur who stood up and began closing all the blinds in the suite. When he had finished, I removed my necklace and stared at the table as the gasps told me my terrifying form of demonic red eyes and glowing veins had returned.

"You're Pyrrha." Reggie whispered. "But you... you died."

"Wouldn't be the first time someone thought that about me."

"You attacked Lex Luthor," stated Viola.

"Another common misconception."

"You led us to believe the aliens were good!" Reggie stood up as did Kaldur in response.

"That one is true," I grimaced, "but I did everything for a reason."

"Like what!" Reggie demanded.

"To protect the human race."

"Like you protected us from the Reach?"

"I swear on my life that wasn't supposed to happen. We were using the Reach--"

"We?"

"Shit--I mean, crap!" I growled as I became overwhelmed. "Everything was under control until the League got in the way."

"People could have died in that global storm, Regina!" 

"People  _did_  die!" I felt tears threaten to pour out. "People are always dying! That's what we want to prevent!"

"I believe we need to calm down." Just Kaldur's active presence seemed to soothe the tension in the room. "Regina has made mistakes but she realizes them."

"Wait." Viola looked Kaldur up and down. "I recognize you now. You're that boy! Aquaman's  _sidekick_!" 

Kaldur and I sighed deeply.

"You're protecting her," Reggie stated quietly and Kaldur nodded.

"It is a long story and one that you do not need to concern yourself with. Regina is more than the persona of Pyrrha. Regina is like her father. Her boredom led her to the wrong sorts of people. People who lied to her to make her help with their plan, who pretended to care for her, who made her become addicted to what they had to offer." Sadness filled his pale eyes. "It almost took her life. I know you must see the parallels in them and you must know that your granddaughter deserves every chance to redeem herself. Regina is an amazing person. I have trained alongside her and worked with her on two very different occasions and she is unlike anyone I have ever met. She has potential to do good and I am going to help her find her way back to that.

"But the question is," Kaldur's voice grew defensive, "are you going to get in my way or will you promise that you will  _never_  mention this day to another soul--not even to each other?"

I looked at the old couple that were holding hands opposite Kaldur and I. They shared a silent conversation with each other before turning back to us.

"You worked with her?" Viola asked softly.

"I was also Jet Starling," I confided and their eyes grew wide. "The man who took me in was Batman. He took me off the streets when I was eighteen and cared for me even when I didn't deserve it. I grew up hungry and cold but the family I gained by being Jet Starling was more than I could have ever dreamed for. It wasn't without pain but that's how I met Kaldur. Even after everything I've done as Pyrrha, Kaldur believed I could do better, be better."

"I see that," Reggie said in a fatherly tone as he took a turn at sizing Kaldur up who still stood tall but non-threatening. My grandfather sighed as he looked at my grandmother sharing another silent conversation that ended when Viola buried her face in his shoulder.

"Who would've thought, Vi? We've seen Jason's baby on the television for years as both a hero and a criminal." The old man rubbed his face. "Which, sad to say, makes it the logical choice to pretend this never happened. Can't tell the fellas on the golf course that our grandchild almost ended the world. The moment you leave here, we'll never speak of you again."

Reggie's voice cracked as he said those last words and so did my heart. 

"Thank you for under--" I was sharply yanked up off the couch and was pulled into the warm embrace of my sniffling grandparents who were surprisingly quick for their old age. 

"But know we will always think of you," Viola whispered. "We  _love_  you, Regina. Always and forever."

Another body crashed into our group hug as Viola pulled Kaldur in.

"You make sure she eats," she scolded. "Same with you. You two are nothing but skin and bones."

I frowned, confused. Kaldur wasn't skinny at all which begged the question of what she deemed too thin. As if he read my mind, Kaldur squeezed my hand for me to keep my questions to myself.

"You have my word," he said politely and honestly. We pulled apart and my heart felt as if it were shaking off years worth of ice. Reggie attempted to put on a brave face while he wiped his reddened eyes and Viola blew her nose into the overused handkerchief. 

"I'm sorry for our behavior, Kaldur'ahm," Viola said. "Would you be a dear and help me make everyone a snack to help digest all this angst? Regina, help Reggie find the album on his phone of the pictures of Jaron. You coming or not, Kaldur'ahm?"

"The resemblance is uncanny," he teased as he smirked at me before following Viola into the kitchen. I smiled as I watched him go and noticed Reggie staring at me.

"You told him, yet?" He waggled his eyebrows teasingly. I smiled but I couldn't keep it on.

"No."

"What are you waiting for? Life isn't that long, kiddo. Before you know it, you're in your eighties looking at pictures of the good times. If you love him, never stop telling him."

"You're right." I smiled.

 _I'll_   _tell him._


	15. Philotes

_Out of all those kinds of people_  
_You got a face with a view_  
_I'm just an animal looking for a home and_  
_Share the same space for a minute or two_

 **Team Year Four**  
**MT. JUSTICE**  
**Nov 4, 17:00**

I walked down the hall to Starling's new room to check on her. She had not come out for any meals since she had moved in and Nightwing, who normally was able to talk to her, was dealing with his own grief. I realized that as leader, it was on me to bring her back as I had done before a year ago.

Her door was slightly open and I pushed it to see her sitting on her bed, surrounded by erratically stacked unopened boxes and staring through her sunglasses at a crumpled pack of cigarettes in her hands. She did not even notice the door had opened let alone that I was standing by her.

"You are still packed," I said, causing her to look up, surprised by my presence but otherwise numb to her surroundings.

"I guess so."

We were not the closest of friends but I still cared for her. She was one of my team and it was my duty to help her.

"When's our next mission?" She asked as she lowered her head back to the red pack in her hands. I sat next to her but she did not react her usual way of scooting away from me.

"I cannot assign you to anything until you are in the right state of mind."

"I need to work."

"You need to mourn." She squeezed the pack, not out of anger but to fight her pain. "Starling, you two were close. Robin's death is not something that you should try to ignore."

I expected a fight. Everything was a fight with her lately and the death of her best friend only made her more volatile. However, she did not argue. She did not huff at my words or snap. She only stared at the cigarettes.

"Kaldur," she whispered. "Do you think I'm a bad person?"

"I do not understand."

"Am I a bad person for wanting to kill the clown? Or am I bad person because I didn't kill him?"

"You are not bad either way. You were put in a terrible situation and those choices do not define you."

"I don't buy that," she whispered as she gripped the cigarettes. "I'm different now. I can feel it inside of me. The anger won't stop burning... like a fire I can't put out. It hurts. It hurts so much, Kaldur. It hurts because I didn't do what I believed in. When I pressed that gun to that clown, the only reason I didn't pull the trigger was because it was the 'right' way. It was like a script I was supposed to follow but I wanted to squeeze that trigger--needed to. I know that if I had, it wouldn't bring Robin back, but it would end the clown."

She took off her sunglasses and tears fell down her cheeks. She turned to me and I stared into her beautiful grey eyes that were filled with tears and torment.

"How could that be bad, Kaldur? How could ending the life of a madman be wrong? He's probably hurting someone right now as we speak because I didn't kill him."

"Taking a life changes a person. Good intentions or not. Killing him--"

"Would turn me into one of the bad guys," she sniffed and turned back to the pack, "But maybe we need that. It's like we are in a bad comic where monsters like him never have to pay for their crimes. They only keep escaping their  _justice_  and the good guys just keep cleaning the bloody mess they leave behind."

She paused for a moment and pulled out a cigarette that had scrawled writing on the side of it saying: 'Disappointment'. Her body visibly tensed as she fought the pain and I fought the urge to hold her tightly.

"I can't agree with Batman anymore. I can't agree with the League." She lifted her chin defiantly. "I'll obey your orders and your orders only but..."

She trailed off and looked at me. Her lip trembled as I saw the tragedy play in her mind again.

"Please don't ever put me in a position where I have to choose between doing the good thing... and the  _right_  thing."

"I cannot promise you will never be in such a situation again," she frowned slightly at my words, "but if you are ever in that situation, know you will not have to make the decision alone."

She smiled, if only slightly, and tucked the cigarette back into the pack as she sniffled.

"Kaldur, I--"

"Jet, have you seen--" Artemis walked into the room and looked at us, surprised at my presence. Starling quickly wiped her face and put her sunglasses on as I berated myself for not closing the door. Artemis rubbed her arm and turned away to give Starling some privacy. "Aqualad, Batman is on the comm. It's urgent."

"I will be there momentarily." Artemis left the room as I stood and was followed by the heartbroken hero. I put my hand up to stop her.

"I'm coming too," she said but I could hear the crack in her voice.

"You said you would follow me. You are a vital part of this team but I need you in peak condition. So follow my orders and unpack, take the night off."

"But--"

"Training is at 0600 tomorrow," I said as authoritative as I could. "No excuses. Understood?"

I could not see her eyes but I saw her lip tremble as she smiled and nodded. I turned to leave but was whipped back around. Arms held me stronger than I thought she was capable of but my arms would not move to hold her back. When they did, it was too late. She turned around and began unpacking as I stood in her doorway desperate for her touch to come back.

I had missed my chance. Again.

 **Team Year Six**  
**KEY WEST**  
**Sep 1, 20:00**

The walk back home from the Hayden's was quiet. I didn't talk nor did I want to and Kaldur seemed to respect that. My grandparents were visibly heartbroken at our leaving but we all knew this was how things had to be.

The moment we left, the day didn't happen. We didn't talk about my father as more than a man that made mistakes. My grandparents didn't ask my me about my life as a hero with curiosity and pride. Reggie didn't show off his Marine tattoos, Viola didn't swoon over Kaldur's old-fashioned manners and I didn't find out 'Reginald' was a family name going back to the early 1800's. As far as the world knew or would ever know, the day was like every other one.

Soberly, the two of us walked up the familiar pale blue steps onto the pale blue porch and Kaldur unlocked our pale blue door but stopped before opening it. I knew he was going to want to talk but my mind was buzzing from my own self-deprecating thoughts.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

_Yes, I'm fine._

_No, don't lie. I'm a horrible liar._

_Person. I meant horrible person._

_How could I ask such a thing from them?_

_Family. They were my actual family._

_Every kid wants that._

_Every kid wants to belong._

_I've let every one down again._

_I will always let them down._

_I let down complete strangers._

_I let down my friends._

_I let down Kaldur._

_I let down myself._

_I'm a terrible human._

_I don't deserve a family._

_I don't deserve to be happy._

_I don't deserve any--_

Strong arms held me tight. The familiar smell of the ocean and citrus enveloped the air around me filling me with a sense of safety. A steady beat from Kaldur's heart thumped against my chest guiding my own erratic heart to match his.

"Breathe, Star." His voice was soft but strong. "You do not have to deal with this alone. Come back to me."

I held him tight, using his energy to calm down, to find the words for my pain. But it was the same words I had thought for years.

Bad.

Broken.

Unworthy.

"Why can't I stop hurting people?" I whispered into his chest. "Why am I such a bad person?"

Kaldur's body tensed before he answered.

"You are not a bad person. You are overwhelmed and burdened by events that were beyond your control." I felt his head rest on mine. "We need to go to the rocks."

**\---**

The waves were growing increasingly louder and the air more damp from the spray as we walked closer to our spot. A sense of both calm and dread filled me. We had been there many times since arriving but not since the first time had I felt this torn up inside.

Reggie and Viola. Mr. And Mrs. Hayden. Yes, they were a little racist and a tad naive, but good people nonetheless. Good people who had been through horrible things. Losing a child to drugs, losing a grandchild to Gotham's terrible system, learning that same grandchild almost destroyed the world. Somehow, through their pain, they still loved me. Right to the moment they tearfully closed their door as we left.

They deserved better. They deserved Jet Starling as a granddaughter.

Not Pyrrha.

I glanced over at Kaldur as we walked. He had changed out of his jacket to a simple tank and shorts. Kaldur was handsome, confident, self-assured. Even after everything he had been through, his moral compass stayed true north while I blamed everyone else for how I turned out.

What right did I have to feel pain over losing family I knew for less than a day? Kaldur actively tricked his father into believing he wanted to know him, to join him. He jumped through hoops to prove himself a good son. He received praise that he never knew he wanted only to end up knocking his father out in a one-on-one fight and locking him away.

He would never get that back. That bond between them, as false as it was, would never happen again. If they ever met, bars between them or otherwise, I knew Black Manta wouldn't forgive the betrayal and Kaldur would never forgive himself.

He stole a look at me before smiling warmly as he looked ahead. He was perfect. From the top of his blonde head to his webbed toes. Inside and out, he had no flaws that I knew of.

He deserved Jet Starling as a partner.

Not Pyrrha.

The sun was setting as we walked out onto the rocks. The waves were almost as loud as my thoughts. The ocean crashed and crashed until everything became white noise. I stepped forward, away from Kaldur so I could focus my self-hate and project it to the angry water.

But nothing happened.

It was different before when I screamed over the heartbreak, the betrayal, the hurtful words and actions of others. My pain was self-inflicted because I was my own worst enemy. Batman had Joker. Superman had Lex. I only had myself. I had thought my whole life no one wanted me. No one cared. But people did care. People loved me and if I wanted to be worthy of their love, I had to decide.

Hero... or criminal.

Was it time to accept my punishment for my crimes? Change my permanent address to Belle Reve? And what would that do to Kaldur?

Who was I kidding? Kaldur would wait until I was eighty and hobbling out of a maximum security prison with the same amount of love as he had now. Probably more.

The other option was to continue to run. Spend every day like today. Just endless days that never happened. Us, alone, with no friends, no family, no kings or leaders.

That wasn't true. The Hayden's would always be my family, no matter the distance. Blood was blood. And Kaldur? He was more than blood to me. I hadn't even kissed the man but I loved him with all my heart. I was Kaldur's family now and he was mine.

At one time, I believed the way Lex looked at me was all I needed, the look that said I was priceless, but that wasn't love. Not the love Kaldur looked at me with, anyways. Lex saw me as a perfect goddess who kept doing imperfect things but Kaldur saw my imperfections and loved me for them.

The realization stoked a fire within me. I was Pyrrha, the Sun God. I had never conformed before so why start now? I didn't need the Light or the League to tell me what was right. What was right was needing to protect my family at all costs.

I don't mean to toot my own horn but when Darkseid arrived, would the League really leave a powerful player like me in a cell? I think not.

I became aware that I had been standing on the rocks, staring out at the ocean for a while because the sun was nearly gone and the stars began to peek through the growing black. Looking back, I caught Kaldur's normally calm eyes looking at me with worry and his eyebrows twitched together for a moment as he tried to telepathically ask me what was wrong.

Nothing was wrong though. It was time. Time to stop running. From the League, from myself, and from Kaldur.

My heart pounded against my ribs, threatening to break them. The incoming waves crashed again and again urging me forward. The heat inside of me burned in the familiar way it always had whenever I looked at Kaldur, even before I became Pyrrha.

I chuckled slightly at that revelation, confusing the Atlantean as I turned to face him. Taking a deep breath, knowing he couldn't hear the words, I smiled and let the emotion I had held back for so long finally form on my lips.

"I love you."

Frown lines disappeared as his seagreen eyes widened, his chest swelled with his deepening breaths, and his lips parted as his mind tried to register what had happened. However, his body didn't want to wait for his mind to catch up. Before I knew it, his hands were holding both sides of my face as his lips crashed into mine in time with the waves on the rocks.

His years of waiting could be felt with each excited kiss. Between them, his lips would tease me, brushing against my own as he said something that I couldn't hear but I could feel the vibrations and I knew exactly what he was saying. This feeling was what I had always wanted. To love and be loved. Openly and freely.

Too soon, I felt him slow down and we parted. I opened my eyes to see my bright pink hue had enveloped us. I looked up to to Kaldur who subconsciously ran his tongue over his lip before shyly smiling at his lack of control. We made our way off the rocks and walked down the slowly calming shore towards our house.

I knew his ears were still ringing as mine were so I stayed quiet. Just before we reached our house I pulled Kaldur back, whipping him around. He chuckled as he put his hand on the small of my back and pulled me to him.

"Sometimes I forget how strong you are," he said as he smiled down at me.

"Let's not waste the night indoors, Tats." I repeated his own words but with a tone hinting at what I had planned. His color darkened and he glanced at the house and back to me, almost as if he were debating running inside and away from me. He put up one finger signalling for me to wait as he went into the house and came back with large blankets, pillows and a paperback book.

"You expecting to have time for light reading?" I teased. His cheeks darkened again as he smiled bashfully, showing me the cover that read Pride and Prejudice.

"I saw it at the market," he said. "I thought maybe we could read it again."

"Agai--" It dawned on me. "You read it to me when I was in Gotham General. I forgot about that."

"If you don't--"

"I do."

He smiled at that and we set up the blankets and pillows. I eagerly got under the blanket but frowned as he sat down on top of it and opened the book. His eyes were glued to it but I knew he wasn't reading.

The idea came to me that Kaldur hadn't been with anyone for a while. Artemis said herself that once he met me, he had never dated. I was used to moving fast and letting bodies do what bodies do but Kaldur was different. In fact, he probably hadn't been with anyone in the way I was pushing us towards. He had dated Raquel but by the way he was acting, they clearly hadn't gotten this far.

So I decided to make it easier on him and do what I was good at--being the aggressor.

I snuggled close to the shy Atlantean who intently stared at the book that might as well have been upside down. Smiling at his shyness, I kissed his bared shoulder lightly. The way his skin felt on my lips surprised me. Atlantean skin had to be dense for them to live underwater which is what gave Kaldur his strength but the skin was still soft and gave under the slight pressure of my lips. I was given another surprise as goosebumps raised along his arm.

"Gods, I hope I never get used to this," I muttered.

"To what?" Kaldur's voice was quiet as if he were afraid I would jump him if he made a sound but was still curious for my attention.

"To falling in love with you." I leaned up and kissed his cheek but still no response. "I must have been blind to not see it."

"So when  _did_  you know?" he asked quietly. I sat back and thought for a moment.

I had first seen Kaldur as Aqualad in the news when I was sixteen. He had saved his King and had been declared a hero in Atlantis but topside, it was just the start of the 'sidekick' frenzy. Kid Flash, Speedy, Robin, they all began to become part of pop culture as kids like myself saw that the new era for heroes had begun.

While others geeked over wanting to be Wonder Woman's sidekick or the next Green Lantern, I researched the Five Lost Cities and Atlanteans. I found everything I could on the proud but shy hero which wasn't a lot. But I guess that's what I liked about him. Everyone wore masks and flashy suits but Kaldur'ahm never hid who he was. He was openly devoted to a cause when the rest of us were absorbed in arguing behind pseudonyms on the internet. He was everything I wasn't and it confused me. How could someone be the way he was? I was a Gotham urchin with all of the terrible qualities of one and Aqualad was the embodiment of everything good in the world.

A crush was inevitable.

Even after meeting him as Jet Starling, he lived up to every expectation. He was quiet, humble, proud and kind. I almost wanted it to not be true. I wanted him to do something, anything to prove he wasn't the person I thought him to be. Even after he sat with me after Scarecrow, I took the one time he looked at me wrong as a reason to run, to give up on the hopeless crush I had. He was perfect, I wasn't. I was broken and I would always be broken. So I pushed him away and yelled at him. I followed his orders with the enthusiasm of a pouty teenager, ignored him during downtime, and openly flaunted whatever relationship I was in at the time.

When Kaldur had followed me into the Light, I lied to Lex about him because I lied to myself. I thought there was nothing there between us but a strained past. I was an idiot for not seeing what Lex could. I loved Kaldur, I adored him--even when he ruined my life.

I worshipped many gods and had been worshipped as one myself but Kaldur was the one I should've been worshiping the entire time. He answered my pleas for help, he protected me as best as he could, and even when I gave up on him, he didn't give up on me. He was disappointed, maybe, but he was always there just as I had always loved him, whether I knew it or not.

I smiled and grabbed the novel I had read many times before from his hands and flipped to the end to find the passage I needed. Once I had, I showed Kaldur as I recited:

"'I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun.'"

I set the book down and floated out from under the blanket to straddle his lap. His breathing grew shallow as I leaned in and softly kissed him.

"I love your personality, your morals." I reached up to touch the stubble on his chin. "I love your lips and your eyes."

I looked up into those pale green eyes that grew wilder and wilder with every touch as he tentatively placed his hands on my waist like anywhere else would have somehow been a switch to turn me into a dragon. Tilting my head, I gently touched the skin around his gills, smiling as he tensed.

"I love your Atlantean qualities," I whispered before looking up to see how much I had broken down the wall he had put up between us and saw it was ready to come down with a whisper. With one hand on his chest and the other gently holding the nape of his neck, I leaned in and whispered in his ear, "I'm anxious to find out what else I can love about you."

And the wall was down.

I didn't give him the chance to regain his senses and pulled his mouth to mine. The pent up lust fueled him as his arms wrapped around me and pulled me down with him into the blankets and pillows. I let out a small moan at his aggressiveness and tightened my legs to his sides which he answered with an almost desperate grip on my back as he tried to somehow close the nonexistent space between us. I didn't have to tease his lip with my tongue to get him to move forward. Somehow, we were already there, exploring each other hungrily. But the feel of us finally being able to freely touch each other wasn't intoxicating.

It was electrifying.

The friction of our skin, our clothes, our lips, our tongues filled me with an energy I had never felt before. I knew Kaldur felt the same because whenever I touched somewhere new, he let out a small groan as his fingers pressed into my skin as if I were hurting him. But I knew the pain was from his inexperience. His body wanted to do what bodies do but his mind wasn't letting him. It was still in control and I wanted him to know it didn't have to be. I was more than willing to give him the attention he had wanted so I moved my hips to meet him.

"Stop."

His body became rigid and the grip he once had that tried to get me closer now held me still. Confused, I tried to slow my breathing and placed my hands on each side of his head. He wouldn't look at me and his jaw clenched dangerously tight.

"We have to stop," he reiterated, more for himself than for me.

"Tats, if I'm going too fast, I can slow down. I don't mind taking our time. We have all night."

"That is not it." The strain was audible in his voice and I saw his hands had gripped the blanket tight. "If we do not stop now, I will not want to."

"So then don't," I chuckled and leaned down to kiss his jaw to help him relax. "If you're worried about me not wanting this, I can tell you, I very much do. Don't you?"

"It is not that simple."

"Then what? I want you, you want me, we're adults, no one is around, what's the hold up?" The confusion was almost offensive. As if I had done something wrong.

"Because kissing you is all I can do," he paused, "for now."

All the clues came crashing down and I couldn't help but imagine a bright neon sign saying 'dunce' with an arrow pointing directly at me. Kaldur was everything I wasn't. Kaldur was respectable, honorable, moral.

Kaldur was abstinent.

"Gods, I'm an idiot!" I flew off of his lap which suddenly felt an invasion of his space and knelt on my knees beside him, burying my face in my hands.

"Don't say that. You did not know." He tried to console me but he couldn't keep from chuckling lightheartedly at my expense.

I cringed so hard at my romantic choices that my atoms screamed in embarrassment. Kaldur knew I was the furthest thing from abstinent. I had even confessed to him that I had slept with Lex on the day the world almost ended.

"Gods above, you must think I'm a--"

"Enough." His laughing stopped and he held my face up so I could see his eyes that were now serious. "You lived the way you wanted to which is what our religion advocates. I am not going to think less of you because you did not hold to  _my_  personal beliefs. If all that really mattered, do you think I would still be here?"

I looked away, still embarrassed, and he brushed my cheek softly. I could still feel the fire inside of me burning, desperate to be with him. Patience was not a virtue I had or wanted but if it meant something to Kaldur, it meant something to me as well. I would have to learn to express myself to him another way.

"So I assume you're waiting for marriage?" I asked the obvious question and got the obvious answer. "Gods, help me. I don't think I can hold out that long."

"So, you have a date picked out?" Kaldur smirked and a bright pink exploded around me as I decided I could very well die from embarrassment at Kaldur's hands. The same hands that held my chin as he leaned forward and kissed me softly. "Can this not be enough for now, Star? We only have forever."

"Or until the Light finds me and then 'death do we part'," I sighed. I didn't want to spend our lives running. Now that we had confirmed to each other where we wanted this relationship to go, it was more important than ever to work with the League and accept my punishment. How much punishment I was going to take though was still up for negotiation but maybe I could be the first person to escape Belle Reve

"Tats, I have to--"

"I know, Star," he said as he reached for my necklace and played with the small charm. "I knew you chose to speak to the League when you said you loved me."

"You really think you know me that well?"

"I know I do," he smirked. But I knew that was a lie and I didn't want him to find out the truth when the League did.

"You don't know everything..."

And so I told him. I told him while the Reach was the Light's simple pawn, there were far more dangerous pieces on the board. I told him about Apokolips and Darkseid, about our deal and our plans. I told him how worried I had become over trusting an alien with our lives and how Lex brushed me off. I told him I knew everything and did nothing to stop it but promised him that I would do whatever possible to make up for my mistakes. To be worthy for him... if he still wanted to be with me.

He stayed quiet and for a few moments I thought that was it. He was going to leave me. My fears were being realized. Tears slowly started to leak out and I bowed my head.

A ripping sound made me look up and I saw Kaldur tear of a small strip of the blanket off. He held both ends and presented it in front of me. Confused, I looked at it and back up at him. He gestured with his head to my left hand and my heart began to race as I instinctually held my hand out.

"Astéri tis zoís mou," he said lovingly as he wrapped the ribbon of fabric around my third finger and looked up into my eyes, "se agapó. Kleíno ta mátia mou kai vlépo to prósopó sou. Eisai to allo mou miso. Tha édina ta pánta gia na eímai mazí sou. Eísai i anása mou, eísai i zoí mou. Thélo na eímai mazí sou... gia pánta. Se latrévo*."

He smiled and reached up to my cheek to wipe the tears that wouldn't stop falling. I giggled nervously and realized I also hadn't been breathing.

"I didn't understand a word of that, Tats," I sniffled.

"You know more than you think."

And he was right. Aside from the few words I recognized, the makeshift ring was hard to miss. So I thought back to our tutoring and tried to make a response.

"Er... naí, déchomai*," I struggled to pronounce as best as I could. The only light was from the stars and the moon but I could see his eyes went wide like on the rocks. "Did I say that right?"

He grabbed me again and pulled me down on top of him and kissed my lips, my cheeks, my nose, and every inch between before he stopped to let me breathe.

"S'agapo, Star," he whispered as we laid in each other's arms.

"I love you, too, Tats."

He kissed the tip of my nose and rolled over to grab Jane Austen's novel. I glowed a bright enough pink to light the area around us--which was easy enough considering what had happened--and Kaldur began to read. It wasn't what I had wanted ten minutes ago but I couldn't imagine anything better than laying in Kaldur's arms listening to his unique way of speaking as he read. We hadn't needed sex to prove our love, not yet anyways, and maybe that's what I needed. A relationship that was the complete opposite of what I had with Lex.

So, I guess by not letting bodies do what bodies do, I inadvertently found another thing to love about my fiance, Kaldur'ahm Durham.

**\---**

_*Star of my life, I love you. I close my eyes and see your face. You are my other half. I will give anything to be with you. You are my breath, you are my life. I want to be with you... forever. I adore you._

_*Yes. I accept._


	16. Charmolypi

_Sleeplessly embracing_   
_Butterflies and needles_

**Team Year Four**   
**MT. JUSTICE**   
**Dec 13, 21:30**

Three Team members stood on the fight simulation floor discussing possible counter moves for the lesson taught by Black Canary earlier that day. Two of the heroes had black hair but the taller one wore it long and loose while the other had a short pixie cut. The shorter woman wore a black and white suit with a signature utility belt riding her hips and a domino mask hiding her identity. The longer haired woman floated off the ground in a nearly all black suit with a lasso at her side and spoke with a slight Greek accent to the leader of their group, a blond haired, dark skinned young man in a red and blue wet suit.

Jet Starling eyes were fixated on her leader as Aqualad and Troia spoke animatedly about moves learned from their respective Grecian and Atlantean backgrounds. Troia wondered if she should tell the young woman how obvious she was being but decided if Kaldur wasn't able to realize it, the relationship wasn't ready to exist.

The computer announced an arrival and Troia noticed the slight look of dismay on Aqualad's face as Jet Starling lit up at the sound of Robin's designation. She excitedly looked to her leader like a child begging to go out and play and he nodded before she nearly ran to the younger boy in the red and green suit.

The affinity Jet Starling had for the new Robin was unmistakable. The two were inseparable. Nightwing had come to Donna often to vent about the two. While she agreed the young boy had adolescent feelings for Jet Starling that could prove a problem, she found nothing wrong with the friendship--besides the obvious conflicting feelings her leader had for the Gotham hero.

Jet Starling was turning bitter from her run in with Scarecrow and was becoming more and more like her mentor as she shut herself from the Team she was once so desperate to join. Since Robin had arrived, however, she had a complete turnaround. She was more amicable on missions, began building her robots again with Kid Flash, and would actually be cordial to Aqualad--most of the time. Kaldur'ahm didn't care. Even though someone else had her attention, it was plain to see that he was glad that she was happy.

"What are you doing here?" Jet Starling said to Robin who, despite his puffed out and overly confident chest, seemed a bit nervous. "Shouldn't you be on mission now with Batman?"

"I'll give you three guesses," he said holding up three fingers. "Hint: name begins with T and ends with 'psychotic bitch'."

Jet Starling's shoulders slumped as she ran her hand through her short hair. "Dammit, Batman," she whispered before putting her hand on the young boy's shoulder. "I'm sorry. But hey, brightside is you get the night off. Pretty sure Wally and Connor were just planning a night of movies and video games."

"Actually," the fourteen year old said shakily, "there's that new movie out. Ya know, that one where the two assassins are friends but have to kill the other? I was thinking... we could go see it."

"Oh, I'd love to but I have plans tonight."

"Plans?" The boy's bravado dissipated. "You mean,  _him_."

Donna noticed the slight slouch in Aqualad's shoulders and wished the two Batkids would take their impending argument somewhere else, for  _his_  sake.

"Robin, don't start."

"I don't even know why that guy would date you."

"What, you don't think I'm date material?" She scoffed.

"Not in the least." He turned to the other two in the room. "Aqualad, Troia! Name one reason anyone would date Jet."

"Oh I'm staying out of this one," Donna laughed before she elbowed Kaldur. "But  _Aqualad_  might have an idea."

Kaldur gulped nervously as his eyes locked onto Jet Starling. Her own expression was one of hope and a little of fear from the need to hear a reason, any reason.

"If I had to say," he cleared his throat, "I have always believed her to be quite pleasant to be around."

The short haired girl's beige skin flushed as a smile tugged on the corner of her lips. For a moment, Donna was nearly as excited as Jet Starling that the moment had finally come.

"Who,  _Jet_?!" Robin's voice sliced through the moment and the two oblivious heroes broke their connection to focus on the young boy. "She's about as pleasant to be around as a wet mop! She does nothing but brood. Between her and Batman, I'm losing my mind!"

"Oh, yeah, baby bird?" Jet Starling taunted, hiding her disappointment. "If I'm so terrible then why are you so impatient to hang out with me?"

Robin's face turned as red as his uniform and the mood of the room turned.

"You should be focused on your job. Not trying to get your rocks off with anyone who'll have you. I hope you get food poisoning tonight."

"Robin." Jet Starling reached out for her friend but he only slapped it away harshly. "J--Robin!"

"Screw you," he barked at her before leaving through the zeta. The three stood alone again in the awkward silence. Donna nudged Kaldur who followed the hint by walking up behind the black and white suited hero. He lifted his hand to rest on her back but rethought it and dropped it back to his side.

"I messed up," Jet Starling said softly. "I shouldn't have teased him."

"Jealousy is a difficult emotion to control," Donna spoke quietly but her words echoed in the large cave. "And people show it in a variety of ways. Some keep it inside and let it fester, some lash out. Both are unhealthy and all that is needed is good communication. Right,  _Aqualad_?"

Jet Starling looked back, surprised at how close he was to her but neither moved away.

"Right," he agreed.

"Maybe Robin's right, too." Jet Starling looked down to her fidgeting hands. "I've been busy with... extracurriculars. Maybe I shouldn't go."

"No, you shouldn't." Kaldur's voice made the two women jump, both their eyes widening at his reaction that seemed to have startled Kaldur as well. "Wh-what I meant was you should not cancel so late. That would be rude to... that... person."

"But," Jet Starling turned to him, "even  _you_  once told me I should be more focused. Now you're telling me to go?"

"You have yourself more together now. I do not have to worry about you."

"Worried?!"

"Oh, Kal." Donna muttered under her breath. The pleading look in Jet Starling's eyes was gone and replaced with a look similar to Robin's disappointment.

"Right," she said coldly. "Well, call me if anything comes up."

"I am sure we will be fine," Kaldur said.

"I know. I'm saying just in case."

"If something happens, we have more than enough to control the situation and not interrupt your night."

"I  _know_ , Kaldur! I get it!" Jet Starling turned before Kaldur could see her reddening eyes and left through the zeta, leaving a bewildered Kaldur and an irritated Donna in the cave.

"Smooth, Kal," Donna said in Greek.

"I do not understand why she explodes at everything I say," he complained in the same language. "She gets angry if I tell her not to spread herself thin and now I tell her to have a life and she yells at me. I do my best to say things just right so as to avoid that outcome. Why is she so difficult?"

"Kaldur'ahm, you're so busy trying to say things just right that you are completely missing the signs to say the right thing."

He frowned at the confusing sentence. "I do not understand."

Donna sighed and raised her arms over her head. "If you can't see it, I'm not pointing it out. You'll figure it out sooner or later."

**\---**

**Team Year Six**   
**KEY WEST**   
**Sep 2, 08:00**

The soft press of lips on my cheek woke me to the sound of waves rolling over the sand. I tightened my eyes shut to enjoy the feeling of being held by someone who reciprocated my feelings completely. It was a feeling I had never had before.

"I love you," I whispered, turning into his chest.

"I love you, too," Kaldur said as he kissed my forehead. I sighed, enjoying the moment but reality was always a thought away.

Belle Reve.

Even if the League turned the other cheek, the world wouldn't and gods know good ol' USA didn't look too kindly on traitors. Neither did I but revenge was my old life. The Light was my old life. Lex was my old life. Now, my future was waking up in Kaldur's arms. And if I had to spend a few years in prison to have it the right way, so be it.

"Star."

"Yes, Tats?"

"I have been thinking." My smile faded. "Perhaps I should go in front of the League alone... as a messenger."

"Wouldn't that look worse?"

"What is worse than being accused of conspiring with aliens, refusing to comply with the League, calling multiple members childish names--"

"And running away with one of their sidekicks?" I laughed as I looked up at him as he only smiled kindly at my joke. He was clearly worried and wanted me to take my confession and incarceration seriously. Of the two of us, Kaldur was more diplomatic but to make him carry the burden of negotiating my life? To inform his King and mentor that he is engaged to a traitor?

But if I went, I couldn't guarantee I wouldn't be set off by the tiniest thing and ruin the whole deal. As much as I hated to admit it, Kaldur was right.

"I know you can see my reasoning." He sat up and stared out the the ocean. "I swear on my life, I will not let you go to Belle Reve without some precautions set up. I am  _not_  losing you now."

I sat up and rested my head on his shoulder.

"You won't lose me. You couldn't get rid of me now if you tried, Tats. So what am I supposed to do, just wait here?

"I understand how stressful it will be to wait and I do not plan on the League making a quick negotiation possible. So go for a swim. Go to the rocks. Lay out in the sun. Enjoy your freedom."

 _Yeah_ , I thought.  _While I have it._

Our last few hours together were bittersweet and when Kaldur left, leaving a kiss on my forehead and a promise that we'd get through this, I couldn't help but wonder: what was freedom if Kaldur wasn't by my side?

I spent my freedom in pure silence with nothing but the sound of the ocean embedding itself into my memory. I secretly hoped that in the long moments in Belle Reve, I could rely on the sound to keep me going. I walked until my feet ached and swam until my body threatened to quit on me. Somehow I had killed a whole day doing nothing and watched the sun begin to set from the porch of our home. Kaldur was still gone and I was growing steadily unnerved. Not because of my impending surrender but because without anything to do, I could only think.

About  _him_.

Things didn't make sense. Lex cared for me in the sense that he wouldn't let someone else try to kill me like the ice villains or Devastation. If he had a hit on me, Mercy would be the one to kill me while he watched spouting some cliche villain monologue. Also, Lex had never called me a girl. While we didn't see eye to eye, he still respected me--as much as someone like him could. This all led to the option that Queen Bee had compromised him. How far back it had started, I didn't know.

But why did it matter?

Was I looking for an excuse for his actions? He experimented on me, locked me away for months, was jealous and psychologically domineering, watched me fall apart and did nothing. He didn't love me. Under Marina's power or not, he didn't love me.

So why couldn't I stop thinking of him?

**\---**

**ST MARTIN'S, METROPOLIS**   
**Sep 2, 18:30**

"Yes, my dear. I'll see to sending you more aid." Lex Luthor stepped out to the garden outside of his study to get some air as he finished his unwelcome phone call. "Of course, Bialya is of the utmost importance to the UN. I'll call you in the morning."

He placed the phone down on a nearby table and did his best to hide his disgust as Mercy walked to his side holding paperwork needing his signature to fastpass monetary 'aid' to Bialya. He only shook his head.

"She'll never see a penny of it with all the bureaucratic blocks I've put up," he sighed. Mercy nodded and began to walk back in but he placed his hand on her shoulder. "Ready the car, dear. We are going into the city."

Mercy turned and frowned slightly but Lex only smiled.

"Please don't fret, Mercy. I will be fine. I  _need_  to go."

Lex's only confidant obediently left him alone to finish his scotch. He looked out to the sun setting on the skyline of Metropolis where LexCorp Tower pulled at him every night. He knew he wouldn't get into the city until late from the traffic and nothing would be the same after the apartment's remodel but he needed something, anything to keep him going in the charade of being with Marina.

He had stopped taking the amnesia medication because of the headaches but the pain of being without Pyrrha, knowing what he had done to her, wondering if she was safe; these thoughts tormented him. But he knew he deserved it.

With a final gulp, he finished off his drink and stared into the glass as Mercy pulled into the long driveway.

"I drink as if I'm going to find you at the bottom, Pyrrha," he mused out loud. "Why can't I stop thinking of you?"

**\---**

**FT LAUDERDALE**   
**Sep 2, 18:30**

An inconspicuous young man stepped into an unused and forgotten phone booth that was equally as grungy on the inside as it was on the out. He closed the door securely as passerby on their phones ignored his strange activity completely. A beam of light scanned him quickly as he unconsciously clenched his fists, expecting the worst.

"Recognized: Aqualad. B02." He let out a breath of relief. "Watchtower access denied. Standby for further instruction."

Kaldur frowned as he leaned back against the wall, rubbing the back of his neck. As he waited, he imagined the fear his fiancee must have felt in the moments before the safety protocol nearly took her life. However, before the weight of the empathetic pain flooded him, the image flashed of her wild hair whipping around her as she turned to smile at him on the rocks moments before she mouthed out the words he never thought she'd say to him.

"Aqualad." Batman's gruff voice made Kaldur come back to the moment, bristling at the edge in his voice. "Where is she?"

"She is safe. She is ready to talk but I have conditions that need to be met."

" _Yo_ _u_  have conditions?" Batman voice seemed almost impressed. "And she is  _letting_  you speak for her?"

Kaldur shifted his weight. "Y-yes..."

Batman chuckled softly and muttered something about time. "You aren't going to make this handover easy are you?"

"No. No, I'm not."

"Good." There was a pause between the two. "Kaldur, is she..."

"She is well. In fact, she is actually happy... for once." Kaldur felt the tension disappate.

"You realize that you both left things in a state of disarray. This negotiation will take a while."

"I understand. So does she. She's tired of hiding but isn't ready to die at the hands of the Light."

"That  _won't_  happen." Kaldur hid his surprise at the sound of protectiveness in the solemn man's voice. That's when Kaldur realized that the mentor missed his protege as much as she missed him. "The League has been called to convene. You've been given temprorary pass to the Watchtower. Prepare to zeta."

**\---**

**KEY WEST**   
**Sep 2, 19:00**

I laid on the cool sand and watched the setting sun as I thought about Lex. The fabric around my finger comforted me and I tightened it, trying to think of Kaldur enough to push Lex from my mind.

An overpowering cologne wafted around me, making my hair stand on end and I stayed completely still, unsure if this was worthy of a fight or flight response.

"If you are looking for Kaldur, you're too late. He left this morning. But I have a suspicion that you were wanting me instead. To be honest, I've been expecting you for a while." I stood and turned to see piercing blue eyes. "Hello, Grayson."

**A/N: Thanks for waiting, all. Sorry for the long time between updates. Just so you know, we are at the top of the rollercoaster. Remember to put your hands up and yell "** **YOU'RE** **A TERRIBLE PERSON,** **JAAAAAAADE** **!!!!"**


	17. Atë

_All's said and done_  
_This won't be fun_  
_All the times that we suffered this before_  
_Never once, did you ever close that door_

**WATCHTOWER**  
**Sep 2, 18:35**

After the bright light of the zeta faded, Kaldur found himself in an unfamiliar part of the Watchtower. Batman stood at the computer at the other end of the room but as usual, he was unreadable. Kaldur believed he had heard some tiny inkling of emotion from the man towards his former partner but now, Kaldur was unsure.

"This is not the normal zeta," Kaldur said.

"This isn't a normal situation. Until those of the League that have been notified to meet can agree on what to do with Pyrrha, it's best to keep you hidden. Follow me."

Kaldur followed Batman through the doorway of the small room and down a cramped hall with multiple other offshoots of what appeared to be secret tunnels throughout the station. Before long, Batman opened a door to a large room with an entire wall of glass showing the beauty of the stars and space outside. In front of the glass was a large semi-circle table facing a large Justice League of America insignia on the wall opposite the glass. Kaldur looked around in awe.

"I have never been in the War Room," Kaldur said. He stopped as he noticed an empty space in front of the insignia but what caught his eye were the four small indentations in the flooring.

"There was a desk there," Batman said softly, as if he weren't speaking to Kaldur but instead to himself. "Regina split it in half just before you two disappeared."

"If I did not know any better, I would say you were proud of that."

"Aren't you?" Batman turned to him. Kaldur thought about it for a moment and smiled slightly before nodding. Batman turned to the empty space again, sighing deeply. "She never quite fit, did she? With me, with the Team... the Light. But when she's on her own, Regina is something else entirely. If she ever realizes that... we better hope we aren't the ones who she's on the warpath against."

"If you believe she is that special, then why did you tell her that she was broken?"

"Not one of my finer moments." The man who normally appeared so impervious to the side effects of the hero lifestyle seemed tired as he looked out to the stars. "I was angry with her--for many reasons--but more angry at myself."

He pulled out a letter and handed it to Kaldur who instantly recognized it as the one given to Barbara before they had run away. The edges were worn and it looked like it had been opened and reopened multiple times. 

"I cannot read this," he said as he handed it back. "This was between you and her."

"You're very honor-bound, Kaldur. I've always appreciated that about you." He sighed as he took the letter back and stared at the envelope. "I couldn't have chosen anyone better to balance her out than you. Maybe now she'll finally find where she belongs."

The door opened as Martian Manhunter, Wonder Woman, and Red Tornado came in and took their seats, their faces showing no hint as to whether they would remember Regina as Jet Starling or as Pyrrha. Not soon after, Superman, The Flash, and Black Canary entered as well.

"I fear others may not see her change as you do," Kaldur said quietly.

"You'll have your chance to argue your case. Take a seat for now." Batman turned to go to his own seat but stopped and turned back. "And Kaldur? Thank you."

A sense of pride washed over the young man as he took a seat but the feeling quickly faded as Aquaman walked in. The two locked eyes for a moment before the man looked away with a scoff. The ache was deep enough In the heart to drive someone mad and in that moment, Kaldur felt the pain Regina went through with her own mentor.

As if she knew she needed to step in, Wonder Woman stood up from her chair in the middle of the table, demanding the room's attention.

"Current events have muddied the waters between us. Emotions have overtaken facts and because of it, rifts within our own group have left us at a disadvantage to the Light's plan. But despite this, we still have diplomacy and we are able to listen to each other. We don't have to agree but we can understand. Today, we have gathered the few of us that have worked with Pyrrha as Jet Starling to hear out Kaldur'ahm's terms of surrender on her behalf. We will not leave until it is settled and we won't settle unless we are unanimous. Kaldur'ahm, what can you tell us? Why is she so eager to work with us now?"

He nodded and stood up as she sat. Taking a deep breath, Kaldur prepared to take on the Justice League.

"I understand this is a messy situation. Sta--Pyrrha," he recovered, "understands as well. She sees she was coerced into the Light by Lex Luthor who used her death as a way to turn her against Batman, her friends, and the League. She understands that despite being coerced, she is at fault and she will accept her sentence."

"Will she divulge information about the Light's plan?" Superman asked.

"At a price, correct?" Aquaman scoffed. Kaldur tried to act as if that didn't hurt.

"It is a price that  _I_  demand, not her. If left defenseless, the Light  _will_  finish the job. I need her safety guaranteed before she surrenders."

"One could say she forfeited her safety when she conspired against the entire world to do business with hostile aliens," Black Canary said.

"One could say she was used," Kaldur retorted.

"We have interrogated the Brain," Martian Manhunter spoke up. "Pyrrha was of her own recognizance, despite the early claims of being programmed like Red Arrow. She wasn't being manipulated."

"There are other techniques of manipulation besides telepathy," Superman said. "I know Luthor. His charms rival that of Queen Bee and he doesn't need pheromones to use it either. The amount of time those were together, I'm certain he was able to get her to think exactly what he wanted and do whatever he asked." His eyes widened at his own wording. "Sorry."

"I understand," Kaldur raised his hand to assure the hero he hadn't offended him. "You don't need to apologize."

"I agree," Aquaman said with a bitter note. "There is no need to apologize because manipulated or not, she committed the same heinous crimes as Black Manta or the Brain. Just because she was once our ally meant nothing the moment she betrayed us." He looked at Kaldur directly. "And if given the chance, she'll do it again. I say we find the girl and make her speak."

"You do not know her," Kaldur said defiantly.

"She turned you against me. Seems she picked up some tricks from her previous toy."

"Aquaman," Black Canary scolded.

"I have not turned against you," Kaldur fought back. "I am trying to save her by showing her kindness as you have taught me."

"She is using you to hide from her crimes."

"She wants to confess! I am hiding her because if her location becomes known, the Light will kill her!"

"Then let them have her! She is not worth protecting!"

"When I had deceived you, the Kroloteans died on my orders. Do  _my_  crimes make me unworthy to you?"

"That is not the same. You did what you had to."

"So did she. She believed we had abandoned her as you are wanting to do now. She did those things to survive in the world Luthor forced her into."

"She didn't have to become a main part of the Light."

"Then you don't know Regina." Batman spoke softly but Aquaman sat back down and Wonder Woman stood up gesturing for Kaldur to sit.

"Pyrrha has a complicated past but she isn't disputing that," she said. "She will have her day in court and if her choice is to pay penance, then who are we to say her life is forfeit for choosing a different path than the one that has caused her grief? For choosing to right her wrongs? Prisons are not a dumping ground nor a fighting pit and we don't ask criminals to carry out sentences in our stead. Do not forget that we fight for justice in the end, not death."

"What is the probability that she is telling the truth?" Aquaman asked as he rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"Sixty-three percent," Red Tornado weighed in, "based on her criminal record as a child with a gradual yet gainful increase in her stint as Jet Starling but a sharp decrease as Pyrrha. I could more accurately gauge her willingness to tell the truth if I could watch her facial tics and any possible hints at deceit."

"I trained Pyrrha when she joined the Team," Black Canary said. "She has a warped moral compass that could be the reason why she has fallen in line with the Light's consequentialist way of thinking. But her loyalty is her redeeming quality. If you fight for her, she will fight for you."

"She'll  _die_  for you," Batman said quietly.

"Yes," she whispered before sitting up straighter to the rest of the group. "I believe her."

"My niece and her were close," Martian Manhunter spoke up. "The bond that the Team shares isn't an invasive telepathic one but a relaxed familial one. Miss Martian trusts her and has gone so far as to threaten myself from invading the young woman's mind or treating her as a criminal. I trust Pyrrha to tell the truth because I believe she wants to regain her family."

"I agree," Superman said. "The bond the Team shares is unique and something I can only hope makes them better heroes than us when it is their time to take our places. Superboy trusts her so I trust her."

"Well, I've always liked the li'l fireball. Wally did too." His smile faded just slightly before he forced it away and grinned at the android. "What about you, Red?"

"While I was the Team's guardian for a while, Jet Starling gave troublesome responses that were telling of her emotional and psychological state. She was rash and impulsive but whereas machines see mistakes as errors that must be eliminated, humans take the error within themselves and become stronger for it. Especially if they have help from others. Pyrrha has made many errors and perhaps she is learning. We should give her the opportunity to become stronger. Protecting her is the logical choice."

"Beautiful, Red." Flash wiped at his eye. "I want that in my next birthday card."

Wonder Woman rolled her eyes but smiled at the man. She looked to the only one who hadn't spoken up. "Aquaman?"

The hero sat in his chair tapping the table softly.

" _My king_ ," Kaldur sat forward and spoke in Atlantean. " _I would not have chosen her if I did not believe in her. If you trust me, as the others trust their proteges, I beg of you to give her a chance._ "

" _She will be your downfall_ ," he responded in their native language. " _You were meant for greatness, Kaldur'ahm_."

" _I was meant for her. I am who I am to help her be better. Because I did not act on my feelings for her sooner, she became who she is, done the things she's done. Her sins are as much my own and I have to fix that_."

" _You truly love her? Despite what she is?_ "

" _I love her for_ who  _she is. I trust her and I will protect her at all cost_."

"Why are you crying?" Wonder Woman whispered to the sniffling Flash. "You don't speak Atlantean."

"I don't have to. Don't judge me."

"Hera, give me strength."

"If you trust her," Aquaman said in English, "then I will trust in you."

**\---**

**KEY WEST**  
**Sep 2, 19:00**

I stood on the shoreline of the sanctuary Kaldur had made for me, facing Nightwing who looked like he was just waiting for an excuse to punch me in the face.

"I would ask how you found me," I said, "but the timing is too conspicuous. You knew about the Haydens. Knowing you, you've probably always known so thanks for telling me about my grandparents,  _Dick_."

"You weren't ready to know about them." His tone was critical but it always was with me. The public opinion of Boy Wonder was that he was made of puppies, sunshine, and an ass that didn't know how to quit but our own relationship soured within weeks of knowing each other. His micromanaging irked me and my incessant need to rebel torqued him so friends on the verge of coming to blows--but friends nevertheless--were all we could ever be.

"That wasn't your call," I snarled. "You should have told me."

"So you could break their hearts? How did they look at you, Reg? Were they proud of you? Of what you've become?"

I took a sharp breathe in as I remembered their faces when they found out who I was.

"They love me," I said, nearly convincing myself.

"But have your actions made them  _proud_?" He emphasized his point and I couldn't bring myself to say the answer as tears began to build.

"If you had told me before all of this, maybe--"

"Maybe what? You were wanted for arson by the time Bruce brought you home and you were a person of interest for multiple petty thefts all over Gotham."

"I never took more than I needed."

"Reggie, c'mon," he pleaded. "See it from my side. I couldn't know how they'd receive you or perceive you. What if they didn't want to ' _cieve_ ' you at all? Imagine the chaos you would cause if that happened because I  _did_  imagine that. That's why I was trying to protect you... why I'm  _still_  trying to protect you."

I sniffed and fought to hold back my pain and was surprised to see him move forward to me. His hands raised just inches away from my shoulders but stopped short before he dropped them with a scoff back to his sides. I looked up to his face to see his blue eyes were cold again.

"It isn't fair." He took a step back and frowned at Zatanna's necklace as a tear formed in his eye. "I look at you and I see her. I see Reg and that isn't fair."

"I'm the same person."

"Yeah," he laughed. I never thought the sound of Dick Grayson's laugh could hurt so bad. "You  _are_  the same. Still the same selfish monster you've always been."

"Excuse me?" My blood began to boil again.

"You have always lashed out at everyone any time the slightest thing didn't go your way. You don't care who you hurt as long as you can be happy. Even your beloved Jason." Even with the lava in my veins, my demeanor froze. "All he wanted was to impress you."

"Shut up."

"All he wanted was to show you he could be an amazing Robin. That's why he went out on his own following the breadcrumbs laid by the clown."

"Grayson, I'm warning you." My pain showed in the form of angry red surpassing the limit of the necklace as my veins began to pulse.

"Too new to realize the trap. Sound familiar? Even after you yelled at him to not make your mistakes, he ran off just to gain your approval. Jason died because of y--"

I slammed my fist into his cheek with a crack and he fell, sliding through the sand. I tried convince myself to hold back but a little part of me begged to keep punching him. Quickly, as if he expected nothing less from me, he rolled back and stood up in a defensive stance. He wiped at the blood dripping from the open wound on his cheek and looked at it with a smirk.

"You can't hide you true nature,  _Pyrrha_ ," he enunciated with venom as he stood with fists clenched. " _You_  attacked  _us_. You  _hurt_  us. Now Kaldur, the one person who has given you the last benefit of the doubt, is going to be chewed up and spit out like every one who came before him. No pun intended. Bet he loves knowing he's runner-up."

My breathing was ragged and I was shaking from my anger but the crashing waves gave me something to breathe in rhythm to to calm down.

"Kaldur isn't a runner-up," I tried to say defiantly but it came out as a raspy whisper. "I could never hurt him knowing how much he's given up for me."

"Please!" He raised his arms up in exasperation. "You constantly hurting him is  _why_  he is infatuated with you. He was bored with the Team and you were new, exciting, and dangerous. He has a thing for being hurt like that and you used it. You toyed with him from the moment you met him."

"I did not! I didn't even know he felt like that or I never would've--"

"Never would've what? Flirted with him while you dated person after person? Treated him like he was your only confidant then shut him out?"

"You have no idea what you're talking about."

"You did the same thing to me!"

"To  _you_?! Dick, we knew we weren't good together from the start! We fought like cats and dogs!"

"No, you got bored of me," his voice cracked. "I wouldn't play your game and you stopped talking to me like you used to. You stopped listening to me on missions. You made me feel like  _I_  was the one who did something wrong."

I stared at my former friend as he opened himself up to me. I had to admit to myself that while what he said hurt, it wasn't untrue. 

"I know we were just kids but you were a lot of things to me, Reg. You know how I grew up. I didn't get to invite people over after school or after missions. You were one of the first to know my secret identities. I told you everything--every worry, every hope--and you just froze me out one day."

"Di--" he raised his hand.

"Then he came along--your beloved Jason--following you around like a puppy. Even after you almost killed him that day, he was still tied to your hip. No one stood a chance of getting between you. Even Kaldur was pushed to the side." He looked up at me with a bitterness. "Did you laugh at it? Did it amuse you to see how desperate Jason was for your attention?"

"Of course not." I said, fighting the tears. "He was a fourteen year old kid. He didn't know any better."

Dick laughed again, cutting me deeper. "It was  _Jason's_  fault? Why are you never to blame, Reg? Maybe once, just once, you accept one thing. Accept Kaldur would be better off without you. All you will do is bring him more pain than you already have."

"You think I don't realize that? How unworthy I am?" I held my head up despite my desire to hide under a rock. "But he loves me. He loves me even though I don't deserve it--and I love him."

"You love you," he said without missing a beat. "You always have. Regina, Jet, Pyrrha--whoever the hell you are now--each wrapped their claws into someone and blamed the world when it went south. Jason's dead, Luthor tried to kill you. How will Kaldur end up when you finish with him?"

"Don't you think I've tried to dissuade him? To push him away? He won't have it. He won't let me go without a fight."

"Then leave."

"But he... he asked me to marry him, Dick." I held my hands together in front of me and absentmindedly rubbed the simple fabric around my finger.

As he stared at it, the constant sound of the ocean showed me how loud we were and how quiet we had become. I looked at the man everyone knew as Nightwing but who I knew as Dick and saw how much older he had become. I once used to taunt him with the name 'Mini-Batman' but now he looked the part and it hurt to know I was one of the reasons.

"Hurt him now," he said sadly, "so you don't kill him later."

"I don't disagree with you. I'm a terrible person. But I love him." He scoffed. "I do! He makes me want to be different. Makes me want to be... me. That's why he isn't here. He's talking to the League because I'm turning myself in."

His eyes hardened and he stepped forward, standing tall in front of me.

"No. When we found out you were Pyrrha, I believed you weren't like them. You had to be brainwashed because how else could you hurt Bruce and Tim? But I came to terms with who you are, who you always have been. A ring changes nothing. Deep down, you're a  _villain_. Your name suits you better than any word I can spit at you.  _Pyrrhic_ : revenge no matter the cost. Sooner or later, you'll go after Luthor and because Kaldur has made a stupid decision, you are going to take him down with you. Trust me, Pyrrha, I will do whatever I have to in order to protect my friend."

" _I_  was once your friend too."

"So was Wally." His words cut me. "Feels like forever ago. We aren't those kids anymore. People are dead because of you.  _Wally_  is dead because of you." The mistakes or our past hung heavy between us. "Don't make me have to see you again, Regina. Leave Kaldur."

"No."

"Come again?"

"You're right. We aren't those kids anymore. I did what I had to do, what I believed was right. When I hit people, they  _stayed_  down. Can you say the same? You are in a continuous loop of fighting baddies you've already locked away. That's not justice, hero. That's  _insanity_. If taking out the trash the first time is traitorous, consider me Benedict Arnold."

His eyes were darting back and forth between mine, fearful of something he could see.

"So the rumors are true? Have... have you murdered people, Reg?"

"Not everyone can be perfect like you, Dickiebird. You said it yourself. People are dead because of me. I just don't think you realized how direct my methods have been." My anger gave me a familiar confidence. I knew I shouldn't resort to my villainous alter ego but I had grown tired of his judgement. So I smiled a deadly grin and took a step forward and poked his chest. He wasn't prepared for my strength and he stumbled back. "But maybe I  _should_  shake the dust off because if I want to be with Kaldur, I will be. For better or for worse."

"I can guess which one it will most likely be."

"We both understand the risks."

"Doubt it." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I was hoping to not use this but you need to wake up from this romanticized illusion, Reg. Did you find out what Luthor is doing with the samples, yet?"

"How do you know about that?" I asked breathlessly. My confidence was gone but the anger remained, steadily growing.

"I'm nosy." He shrugged. "Judging by your reaction, I'd say you haven't put it together. It's obvious once you consider our friends." He looked at me with the cold blue eyes. " _Roy_  and  _Connor_."

Shocked, I took a step back as a storm rumbled on the sea. He was right. The clues were all there in plain sight.

"H-he wouldn't do that," I whispered. "Lex wouldn't do that."

"Cloning an ex with powerful abilities and programming her?  _That_  doesn't sound like Luthor?"

My lungs couldn't work the way I needed them to and the waves became a buzz in my ear, annoying me instead of calming me. I could barely hear Dick's voice as he made a quip about asking Kaldur when visiting hours at Belle Reve were before he left. I fell to the sand, gripping it for something to hold onto but it slipped through my fingers. The buzzing in my head wouldn't allow me to think about anything other than Lex's plans for my DNA.

I didn't know the man as well as I thought, that was clear. He didn't love me. He didn't care about me at all and if he had given my DNA to the Reach, it wasn't for their benefit. It was for his own.

The thought sickened me.

A part of me begged me to listen to reason but my 'reason' was on the Watchtower. Without Kaldur, my metahuman side couldn't calm the fire of burning hatred inside of me.

I made a decision and looked to the pastel blue house one last time. I wasn't getting a second chance. After tonight, I wouldn't deserve it. Things needed to be settled.

I needed to talk to Lex.


	18. Anaxiphilia

_But you're neither friend nor foe_   
_though I can't seem to let you go_   
_The one thing that I still know_   
_is that you're keeping me down_

**WATCHTOWER**   
**Sep 2, 22:00**

Outside of the War Room, Kaldur sat on the floor of the secret hallway with his head back against the wall, watching the flickering light above. The League seemed unanimous about Pyrrha but the logistics still needed sorted out, namely, how to protect the powerless metahuman within Belle Reve without showing bias.

Kaldur had been sent out but he was confident that things were turning out better than he expected. The possibility of Regina being held for life was still there but former criminals being let out on good behavior happened more than the public realized. The two could very well have their happy ending in a few years time and Kaldur even dared to let himself imagine a normal life together.

"Psst!"

Kaldur shot to his feet and looked down the hall to see Artemis walking towards him in her Tigress suit.

"Artemis?" he whispered. "How did you--"

"Find out about the secret tunnels? I've had a lot of time on my hands since I'm no longer studying under Green Arrow. Or were you wondering how i knew you were here? Well, a big red flag goes up when the main Leaguers are 'busy' all at the same time and oh look, so are Red Tornado and Black Canary. Figured it had to be you two." She looked around. "She inside?"

"She's not here."

"Oh, don't tell me," she groaned. 

"No," Kaldur chuckled. "I decided it best if only I negotiated for her."

"Negotiated? She's giving herself up?"

"She wants to do her time."

"That doesn't sound like Jet."

"A lot has changed." He smiled as he thought about his fiancee. "A  _lot_."

"It's been a while since I saw you smile like that, Kal," Artemis said softly. "Feels good, doesn't it? The real thing?"

"It feels amazing. I never thought I could be this happy. Even Aquaman is giving her another chance. I truly feel like everything is coming together."

"Oh, did she ever wear..." the hero wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. Kaldur blushed and coughed.

"N-No." 

"Liar."

"So how are  _you_?" He changed the subject. "How are things with the Team?"

"Good. Weird." Kaldur frowned slightly as Artemis rubbed her arm. "The Team is changing."

"I thought I left Batgirl in charge?"

"Barbara has done phenomenal!" The blonde rushed to defend her new leader. "But there's something about those Batkids. Robin has been running around with a team of his own. We just found out about it. Not too sure of whether we should be worried or proud. And Nightwing..." Artemis paused, choosing her words carefully. "Dick talked to me a few weeks ago. This thing with the Light... with Jet... he's starting his own team. One that works outside the League and he offered me a chance..."

"For?"

"Revenge... for Wally." Although they had kept their voices quiet, the normally outspoken woman was timid and almost fearful. 

"Will you join him?" Kaldur asked, resuming his old role as leader, friend, and confidant.

"I don't know." Her voice wavered slightly. "I don't have anything here besides memories. Everyone from the old group is going their separate ways and I feel if I say no, I'll be stuck here."

Kaldur understood her thinking. They had all accomplished so much that it was only natural for everyone to move forward.

"What about Green Arrow?"

"He has a new protege. She's got big shoes to fill, if I do say so myself," she said smiling but her bravado faded away. "No one really needs me. I'm not feeling sorry for myself, it's just fact, but I don't want revenge. Wally is gone and no amount of justice can bring him back. If he  _were_  here, he would be worried for Dick and would join his team if only to keep an eye on him."

Artemis looked up to see her old friend smiling knowingly back at her which she returned with a scowl.

"What?"

"I think you just decided what to do. You have a good heart, Artemis. Just as you were helped to keep your anger and insecurity from consuming you, maybe you can help Nightwing from the same." He rested his hand on her shoulder. "Wally would be proud of you." 

Her eyes grew misty and she playfully punched Kaldur in the stomach to hide it. He laughed at her classic avoidance as she sniffed and wiped at her face.

"I've missed you," she said hoarsely. "Jet, too."

"If this works out, we can go see her together. I am certain she would be happy to see you, t--"

The door opened and the two friends froze as Batman stepped out. He looked at the young woman in the super secret tunnel and frowned, to which she sheepishly grinned. 

"Have they decided yet?" Kaldur asked but the look on Batman's face didn't make Kaldur feel any better.

"I've received some disturbing intel and I don't want to alarm the League until I've spoken with you."

"What is wrong?"

"Besides the one I can think of, is there any other reason why Regina would be spotted within the city limits of Metropolis?"

Kaldur's mouth opened slightly but nothing came out. Artemis sighed as she muttered under her breath.

"Jet, you idiot."

**\---**

**METROPOLIS**   
**Sep 2, 22:00**

Despite the long flight, when I saw the bright lights of Metropolis again, the anger and pain was still white hot from Nightwing's revelation.

How had I been so blind, so naive? How had I not seen the signs? I had assumed my DNA was being used to recreate the metagene process as we had done with the teenagers we had taken... but a clone?

The thought that something that looked like me was being programmed to follow Lex's orders without question caused me to flare up past the necklace's limit. Flames danced across my skin as I flew through the night sky towards the tallest building in Metropolis that shone bright like a beacon. Though, as I flew closer, I couldn't hold back the nostalgia. Not of my last moments before Devastation tried to kill me, but of the times I had flown this fast to Lex. Not in revenge, but in lust. 

What a fool I had been.

Embarrassed and hurt, I flew to the large building bearing his name but noticed the lights of both his office and apartment were off. For a split second, the memory of my last flight here played in my head: the drawn curtains that piqued my curiosity, the slightly open door and the sounds that disrupted the quiet of the apartment. 

The flash from that terrible night was enough to slow me down and I no longer had the fire burning inside of me I once had. Slowly, I floated to the balcony and noticed the brand new railing, new furniture, new everything. The balcony which had once been filled with flowers no man had seen outside of their native land now felt sterile and staged with perfectly arranged throw pillows and kitschy decor.

Carefully, I maneuvered my way around a minimalistic style glass table annoyingly placed in the pathway to the door which I was sure looked great for a magazine cover but not so great for practicality. Everything screamed of its unuse and again I found myself curious to open the French style doors to look inside.

Biting the bullet, I opened them and became overwhelmed with the faded smell of new paint and furniture. It was like stepping into a home decor magazine. Sure, it looked great but it was clear that the only person who entered this apartment was the person who maintained the level of dust.

There was one time where I had noticed Lex had bought new furniture and fixed the wall I had thrown a couch through but this wasn't a new living room setup. Everything was different. Nothing remained of the scent of old books and scotch. The memories of our fights and of our make-ups had been painted over or removed and nothing was familiar.

Soon, my heart began to ache from the absence of anger. Lex wasn't here and he hadn't been here for some time. Most likely he was at his home on St. Martin's and if I was honest with myself, I no longer had the fire to fly there and confront him.

So I floated around examining the objects strategically staged and caused myself a sort of masochistic pain as I remembered what had been there previously, reliving old ghosts. I glanced to the bedroom door that pulled at my attention and saw it was open but only slightly.

Months ago, I looked through that same crack to see something I would never forget. Something that sent my life in a tailspin. Cautiously, I opened the door and saw a new bed, plain sheets, and comforter in place of the purple silk. Like the living room and kitchen, there was nothing to remind me of that night. I almost felt disappointed to not be triggered. Everything had been removed or replaced.

Just as I had been. 

"I'm an idiot," I whispered and sighed as I sat on the bed and sat staring at the skyline. "Now, Pyrrha, here is the dilemma. Tell Kaldur you went to your ex's for a little maim and murder or keep this inside to fester and eventually ruin the one thing you've done right in your miserable existence?"

Loudly, I groaned and threw my face in my hands but the muffled ding of the elevator made me shoot back up. I struggled to hear anything over the drum that had replaced my heartbeat as I floated against my better judgement to peek through the crack in the door. The light shone through the edges of the adjoining door of the apartment and the office as I heard two sets of footsteps casually walking which signaled to me that they didn't know I was here. 

The click of the door made me hold my breath as the light shone around a tall and familiar silhouette. A slender shadow walked up behind him and I felt pangs of jealousy in a moment I had no right to be.

"Some privacy please, Mercy," the deep voice said to the other and I sighed softly, relaxing my tightened fists. "I won't be long. I just... I want to remember her for a moment."

My heart threatened to leap from my chest. I couldn't have heard him right. He had to be talking about Marina. Anyone but me.

He turned on the soft lights for the open room and for the first time in months, I was able to see his face. I had dreamed of this moment in my twisted murderous fantasies but his face made my chest ache. I had seen that face once before when he had received a phone call, a business deal that wasn't going the way he had wanted. His charming smile gone, his shoulders seemingly strained, and his eyes showing his weariness. 

He took a glance over the open room and sighed deeply. Aimless, he wandered around the apartment looking at the various knick knacks as detached as I had. At one point, I heard his breath shake and I knew I had to leave before I did something stupid.

As if the gods were smiling on me for once, Lex's phone went off and I opened the door carefully to see he had turned his back to me. He answered the call and tapped his fingers against the kitchen island counter, giving me the courage to fly across the floor of the living room and quietly open the balcony door.

"Yes... What do you mean there was an anomaly?" I had almost finished shutting the door when the word stopped me in my tracks. "Has it been compromised? ... Lock the building down. Run all diagnostics. I will be by when I can."

Suddenly, he threw the phone into the cabinets where it exploded into shards of plastic and glass and he leaned over the counter as if he had difficulty staying up. His hunched shoulders were unlike him. The uneven but deep breathing tugged at me. This man wasn't the Lex Luthor anyone knew. This was a man who had been defeated.

"I need some air," he muttered as he rubbed his face. Panic flooded me and I backed up into the new glass table, sending the objects on it to the floor before the glass shattered. 

"Pyrrha?"

The sound of my name from his lips sent a chill up my spine. I looked up from the glass to see Lex standing in the doorway with a look of disbelief, pain, and a bit of fear. I fed from his disadvantage In the situation and straightened up, showing him the same indifference he had shown to me on multiple occasions.

"Hello, Le-oof!" Arms enveloped me and held me tighter than they ever had before. He buried his face in my hair and I could feel his breath in the crook of my neck. The scent of faint body wash and a clean suit combined with the warmth of his body invaded every corner of my mind...

... and I loved it.

"I can't believe it's you," he whispered into my ear, sending waves of a familiar euphoria throughout my body and like a deer in headlights, I was too stupid to move out of the way of a big semi. "Oh, Darling, the glass."

Still in a state of stupor, I allowed Lex Luthor, the man I hated most in the world, to lead me back into his apartment where he looked my natural features over in awe. His hand raised to the necklace that rested on my chest and when his fingertips made contact with my skin, a wavering red of disgust and bliss flared from me before the necklace tempered it down.

"How amazing," he marveled as he released the necklace and cupped my cheek. "You are the most beautiful thing I've seen in a long time, Darling. I never thought I would be able to see you again."

"Not from lack of trying, right?" I said quietly, looking up to see his face fall and for once, he didn't try to hide the pain from me. I found myself unprepared for his honesty.

"I really did a number on you, didn't I?"

"You have  _no_  idea."

"Darling, I don't blame you for this animosity. I treated you so poorly when all you did was give me the one thing I never thought I wanted. But without you--" He paused and gave me a look I recognized but I couldn't remember where. The words ' _pay attention_ ' in a forgotten voice echoed in my mind. "Without you, none of this has meaning. I wake up and there is no point in getting out of bed and there's no point in staying  _in_  bed. I need you by my side."

My breathing quickened as my heart beat erratically. Why was this familiar? Why was there a voice in my head now  _screaming_  to pay attention? 

"I-I don't believe you."

"I don't expect you to. I don't expect to ever have your trust again. I came here to torture myself with our memories because that what I deserve. But to find you here... that isn't a coincidence." His hand raised to my face and his fingers traced down the edge of my jaw to my chin sending another confusing euphoria through me. "We are bound to each other's hearts, Darling. We have been torn and pulled apart but no matter what, something keeps bringing us together. Do you deny that?"

"No, b-but--"

"I know I can't take back what I've done," his hand slipped down to a lock of my hair that had fallen from behind my ear and he slid it through his fingers, looking at it as if it were spun gold. "But I will spend every moment of my life trying to make up for it because--"

He paused to chuckle and that's when I paid attention. My blood ran cold as I realized that his behavior was familiar because I had done the same thing last night on the rocks. I must have looked like this before I...

"Lex--"

"No, I need to tell you."

"Lex, please--"

"I should have told you every day. If I had, we wouldn't be in this mess." He took my chin in his hand and tilted it in the way I used to love. "Darling..."

"Please don't--"

"I'm in love with you."  
  
  
  


 

 

 

_Shit._

 


	19. Mania

_Are you here for irony and pain_   
_Licking old wounds, are you not my friend?_   
_Now you're trying to blacken me_   
_I haven't missed you dear_   
_Why are you calling me?_

**LEXCORP TOWER**   
**Sep 2, 22:15**

How?

How had everything...

... how had it come to this? 

Yesterday morning, I had found out I had grandparents, confessed my love to Kaldur, accepted his proposal, and somehow it quickly spiraled from the anxiety of turning myself over to the League into full blown paranoia and rage as Dick Grayson appeared out of the damn air to inform me of the possibility of my clone. Oh, and the cherry bomb on this shit sundae? Lex Luthor, narcissist extraordinaire, finally told me what I was surprisingly still desperate to hear. 

All it took was one word and everything was forgotten. The cruel words he said to me, the pain I had endured from his machinations, and the betrayals that broke and rebroke my heart from the moment I opened myself up to him, they were all gone.

"Y-you what?" I breathlessly asked, my lungs unable to push out enough air to speak above a whisper. He smiled at me as he held my chin in a way that made my heart leap for joy and my skin crawl at the same time. 

"How did I never see how beautiful you were?" he asked himself as he ran his finger across my enchanted and unblemished skin. My skin burned from his touch, causing me to blush that he smiled at warmly. "I love you, Pyrrha."

_'Whatever your name is now...'_

Grayson's words gave me the slap that I needed and I placed my hand on Lex's chest to push him away.

"How dare you?" His smile faded as my anger grew.  "How dare you say that to me--now--after everything?"

"I can never take back what I've done." The sincerity in his voice hurt more than if he was pretending like usual. "Do you remember what I told you at your apartment?

"Which time?" I growled. "The time you spewed lies through a door just to hear me cry? Or when you yelled at me about how I have no one if not you, which came directly after you told me how you couldn't understand how I could allow you to hurt me. Is that what you're referencing?"

"Pyrrha."

"Or do you mean the note you left after the summit that said we needed to 'finish our game'?"

"Why are you so infuriating!?"

"Because I wanted your love months ago! I practically begged! I let you hurt me and hurt me because all I wanted was one more loving touch from you and  _now_  you say it?!  _Now_  you think you can just gloss over everything you've done?! You almost killed me!"

"Darling, that was Marina," he cocked his head slightly like a confused puppy. "Surely, you already figured that out--"

"That isn't what I'm talking about. Marina wasn't the one who locked me away. Marina didn't install spy cameras in my home. Marina didn't design a plan for me to free The Joker!" He opened his mouth to say something but only pursed his lips together and sighed. "I still remember your face that night, Lex. Seeing her on top of you and you not even giving me a second glance? Like that image alone wouldn't kill me?"

"I don't remember that night," he whispered with his brows tightly furrowed. "I only have memories of what she placed there. I wish I could. I wish I could take that torment from you. I wish so many things but above all, I wish I had told you I loved you from the start."

"There was a time you would have owned me with that word but that isn't enough now. Love is not enough to make your crimes against me go away."

Reaching up behind my neck, I unclasped the necklace and the room was washed in a deep, angry red. The relieved familiarity on Lex's face soon gave way to horror as scars appeared across my body.

"This is what you have done to me, Lex. This is how you made me feel every damn day. And the worst part?" His green eyes met mine, waiting for the blow. "The worst part was that my wounds healed before my heart could."

For the first time, I saw genuine heartbreak on the sociopath's face, followed by a moment of confusion at the new emotion. My breathing was heavy as he came closer to me and ran his finger across the deep scar under my cheek.

"One for each time I failed you," he whispered as he looked at each one he could see. "How fitting for the one thing I love to be the embodiment of my mistakes. I regret how many times I have let you down, Darling, with every atom of my being."

I slapped his hand away.

"You've never felt regret and you don't know what love is," I glared at him with my red eyes illuminating the cold room, "Luthor."

"Lex," he said, pained. My lips quivered and I clenched my fists for strength.

"No." The simple word made him wince and grit his teeth as we both fought back our emotions. "I would have burned the world down for you and all you would have had to do was ask. You were my  _first_  real love and you were nearly the end of me. I will never forget that and I will never forgive you."

I watched in a bittersweet delight as his face was overcome with sadness and grief. A part of me wanted to console him but only a tiny part. The rest of me wanted more. More pain, more anguish, knowing full well it would never be enough but damn, if I wasn't going to enjoy watching him squirm.

His darkened green eyes quickly became sharp and burned into me like acid as he looked at me.

No...

... into me. 

My heart began to race as I realized I was no longer a move ahead on our figurative chessboard.

" _First_  love?"

 _Shit_.

"Tell me, Darling," his posture straightened and his voice resumed its cunning bite, "How  _did_  you survive my crimes?"

We were no longer two exes in the middle of domestics. We were two powerful and vindictive villains without code or morals one wrong move away from destroying each other but if he was going to play the part of Lex Luthor, then I was going to be Pyrrha the Sun God.

"The League." Thinking of a certain someone, I let the word sweetly roll off of my tongue as I raised an eyebrow tauntingly hoping he wouldn't miss the hint. 

Lex Luthor never missed anything. 

"Ah," he said clasping his hands behind his back in a power posture. I hoped his overactive brain was imagining scenario after torturous scenario even if it didn't happen. "And I can assume the champion Fish Boy wore a nurse's cap and stayed at your side during your recovery like a lost puppy?"

"I even scratched behind his ears when I was feeling well enough." His jaw set so tight that it looked like it would crack. "I should thank you, Luthor. You pushed me right to him."

"Tricky fish," he mumbled but his eyes lost their edge and took on the effect that I could only label as bedroom eyes. Normally, I would have felt trapped again but knowing Kaldur truly held my heart, I had the strength to continue playing Lex's manipulation game. 

So I thought.

"Darling," he cooed as he walked behind me, pulling my long hair back to speak into my ear. "You've had your fun with the boy but it's time to come back. The Light needs you. I need you." 

His familiar scent and the touch of his lips on the shell of my ear caused an involuntary glow I wasn't prepared to suppress. With his ego stroked, Lex circled in front of me like a snake and took hold of my shoulders while I felt my own grasp slipping.

"Let's get revenge on Marina," he smiled in the way that was just for me, sending a chill up my spine that I wasn't sure if it was from excitement or disgust. "I can't believe you haven't already. This isn't you, Darling. Hiding in the shadows, accepting help from the Justice League? Pyrrha, you are a fearsome, beautiful goddess and anyone who crosses you should be met with your fiery wrath. Especially me."

With his eyes locked onto mine, entrancing me, his fingers trailed down my left arm gently tracing every scar. The faint voice of a girl long gone but very much alive in the back of my mind begged me to pay attention. But how could I when a few months ago, this was all I ever wanted from my miserable life?

"Allow me to be by your side again, my love." The sound of his voice and the feel of his fingertips tracing lower and lower down my arm made everything fade. "Make me beg for your affection and I will make you glow at night brighter than you ever have before. I long to see you tangled in purple silk ag--"

Acidic green eyes stared into my terror filled red ones as his tender touch became a vice on my left hand, his thumb frozen on the fabric I had forgotten was surrounding my finger.

"Lex--"

With his eyes still locked on mine, he released me like I was on fire and backed away. His calves bumped into a small decor chair and his body slumped into it, covering his face with his hands.

A silence filled the room as I stared at him. I only wanted to taunt him with my new relationship, not rub his nose in it. Luthor was a devil but that didn't mean I had to be one as well.

"You said you weren't ready." He lifted his head up and looked at me, barely controlling his breathing. "But in reality, you weren't ready for me."

"That's not true. I said that because you seemed so afraid of the thought and we just got back together, too. I didn't want to rush us."

"Rush," he chuckled to himself. "You slept with him yet?"

The question caught me completely off guard. Even if we had, I wouldn't tell him but I sure as hell wasn't going to tell him that we were waiting. So I said what I thought I should.

"It's none of your business." 

Lex pulled the small chair from under him and threw it through the balcony glass doors with a fury I had never seen from him before. Cold air filled the room but it was nothing compared to the ice in his eyes.

"'Nothing to worry about'?! 'Nothing' between you two?!" He reached under the dining table and flipped it at me, causing me to shy away like a beaten dog.

"Lex, stop!"

"Don't," he seethed and pointed a finger at me. "Don't you try to make me into the villain. You were  _mine_. Not his. Not anyone's!"

"I wanted to be yours! I wanted YOU but you ruined it by treating me like a pawn in your stupid game!"

"A pawn? You were my queen, Pyrrha!"

"Enough!" I shrieked. "Enough lies, you manipulative bastard! I know! I know everything!"

Even when confronted by the truth, his eyes never flickered from their furious shade of green. A shade I had finally seen one too many times.

"I know you staged my death." I struggled to compose myself as tiny flames flared up from my skin. "I know you lied to me about being abandoned by the League and fed me bullshit about my purpose in the Light. Not one word out of your mouth was the truth. You took me from my family and turned me against those I care about. I have blood on my hands because I believed you. I suffered because I fell in love with you. In a lifetime of mistakes, you were my biggest one."

The silence hung between us as his eyes darkened with grief again but I stayed strong as I stood opposite of him in the apartment that held the memories of the fights that led us here.

"If you give me a moment," he said softly, "I can explain. I never wanted you to hurt. That was the whole point."

"No, Luthor. I won't listen to another lie. I'm telling the League everything and I hope you get locked away somewhere only I hold the key. Seems only fitting."

"You are still so foolish. This is exactly why you need me, why we belong together. You had the power I lacked; I had the restraint. Don't let your anger control you, Darling. You know you won't last there with  _him_. After everything you've done, you think they'll accept you?"

"Oh, Luthor," I said sarcastically. "I'm far too knowledgeable of your manipulation tactics. Kaldur'ahm loves me unconditionally. For the first time in my life, I know what that feels like."

He gritted his teeth as he tried to keep his composure but what he did next made me lose mine.

"Absolute Zero," he ordered.

Air left my lungs and I forgot how to breathe in. My glow disappeared, the room became dark, and all I could see was what the light from the moon hit through the broken french doors. The silhouette of a man I once loved. The outline of unfamiliar objects in a familiar room. A tipped table. Glass shards.

Without the heat to dry them away, tears poured down my cheeks as my lips quivered from the manipulative blow I had been expecting but was still not ready for. Fortunately, neither was he as was made clear by the look of bewilderment and a little bit of fear.

"You bastard." My voice was hoarse and wavered as I fought to control the sob that threatened to pull me to my knees. "I knew you programmed me but to use it now? After everything?"

"Pyr--"

My skin blazed warning him how he shouldn't even think of trying to talk himself out of this one. For a moment, I believed I saw a tear in his eye but before I could find out, he cleared his throat as he straightened his suit and checked his cuff links.

"Well, my dear, if you won't come to your senses, maybe I'll finish what Marina started. I can't have you ruin everything. Not now."

The tension between us became dark from his deadly threat as I realized I had forgotten one important thing--or rather, person.

"Wouldn't be the first time someone tried to kill me in this apartment.

"But hopefully it will be the last."

"Gods, you're an ass. If you sic your dog on me, just remember I don't die easy, Lex." 

"It's Luthor." He snapped at me before turning his head slightly to speak to the figure holding a large gun-like object behind him. "Mercy?"

A beam of ice shot out from the shadows, hitting me in the chest and throwing me back.

 _Crack_!

Blinding pain radiated from the back of my skull, stunning me as a paralyzing cold encased me. Moving was useless and as I tried to heat up, the cold stabbed deep in my bones. I couldn't even cry out.

So I succumbed to the ice and gave in to the pain and for a fleeting, yet beautiful moment, there was a peace that came with no longer having to control my heat, my heart, my pain. With that freedom, a thought crept into my head... 

... Would it really be so bad if I just gave in?

I had fought a good fight, hadn't I? I had taunted Death over and over and perhaps it was time to embrace it. I wasn't bound for Elysium, that's for sure, but the gods would have to at least know of me and maybe they would be lenient.

Yes. Maybe it's time to let go.   
  
  


 

 

_Star... Focus... Come back..._   
  
  


 

 

Magma began to pump wildly throughout me, warming my paralyzed bones. I flexed my whole body until the ice around me began to give.

 _Crack_!

The thick coffin shattered, leaving me soaking wet and very extremely not happy as I looked up to see Mercy locked on to me with her gun. Lex stood behind her looking at me, not like someone he just confessed to and then tried to murder, but like a scientist perplexed at why the rat wasn't dead yet.

Mercy shot at me again but I was ready and I was pissed. Heating my body up, I melted the onslaught of ice and began walking towards the two. To Mercy's credit, she was an adaptive fighter and tossed the gun before charging me. 

We collided in a series of blocked hits where I was surprised at her strength and skill. She was slowly getting the better of me when her fist slammed into my jaw, making it pop. The air was knocked out of me as she delivered a punch to my stomach and as I doubled over, a sharp pain to the back of my neck threw me to the ground as black enveloped me.

With my vision gone and struggling to breathe, I focused on the feel of the cold floor on my burning cheek as I fought to stay awake. My left hand was yanked up and my most meaningful possession was ripped from my finger.

At that point, I didn't need to see anything besides red.

My hand shot out, gripping Mercy's arm until I felt the mechanisms inside buckle and snap. Gathering my energy, I stood up and shot red electricity into her until her body went limp. As my vision came back and I was able to take deep breaths in, I dropped her to the ground as I had done with the Project Kr clones a year ago.

Slow clapping echoed through the dark room and I knew it was Lex mocking me. I looked down at the young woman who somehow was still breathing, whether on her own or because of the enhancements given to her, and I felt panic. I had almost killed another person with no other justification than that I had been angry. Was this who I was?  _What_  I was?

"That feeling of regret? Disgust?" Lex said as he stuck his hands in his pockets. "I didn't make you feel that.  _He_  did. Your tricky fish has made you forget what I showed you, Darling. This is precisely the reason I had you free The Joker. You were happy with me--more importantly, with yourself--when you accepted that when you wanted something, you could take it. If someone hurt you, you killed them. Morals are just imaginary leashes held by those who understand that. I told you this."

He walked towards me, unafraid, and bent down to the young woman to take the stolen fabric from her hand and examined the simple token of affection.

"He made you lose sight of who you are, made you feel shame for things you shouldn't, and he rattled you so deeply that Marina believed she could kill you. Kaldur'ahm leashed you and then he left you to be torn apart."

Glass crunched under his feet as he walked out to the balcony and the room I was left in steadily illuminated in a deadly red.

"I've done terrible things to you but I never treated you like a dog. I never put a leash on you in the form of a bridal set, let alone whatever rag this is. This is for the best, Darling."

And with that, he let the wind pull the fabric from his fingers and watched it disappear. He turned back around only to be shocked at how quickly I had flown to see him, eye to eye.

"I know," I growled as I took fistfuls of his white shirt. "I know what you're doing with the samples, Luthor."

A split second of surprise widened his eyes but then he closed them as he sighed.

"No, Pyrrha, you don't. I wouldn't be breathing if you did."

"Y-you aren't programming a clone of me?"

"That's a great idea but no. I did something much worse but for a far greater purpose."

I searched his face for any sign of a lie but a terrible feeling chilled me deeper than the ice had. He was telling the truth. A clone was bad news and I wanted answers but I wasn't mad enough to kill him even though I had every right to.

"Why?" I began to sob pulling him to me and leaning my forehead to his chest. "Why do I love you when all you've ever done is hurt me... lie to me.. use me?"

"I don't know. I don't deserve you, Pyrrha." He tentatively placed his hands on my shoulders. The touch disgusted me more than it gave me solace and I raised my head slowly as I heated up. His hands jerked away from me but I still had a hold of his white shirt.

"I should just kill you and get it over with."

"You won't," he said confidently, albeit sadly, "You've had more chances and more reason than anyone on this planet to kill me yet, here I am." He took a section of my long black hair and ran his fingers down it, making me want to cut it off. "And here you are."

Similar to when I was in the ice, a feeling of peace came over me as I resigned to my decision. Electricity coursed around me like red branches and thorns, lifting my hair out of his hand as I focused my energy.

"You're a man of science, aren't you?" I said as I slowly unbuttoned his shirt and placed a hand on his chest over his heart. The fear bloomed in his eyes and I saw a new shade of green, one I wished I would remember as I rotted in Belle Reve for the murder of Lex Luthor. "Let's test your theory."

"Pyr--"

"Star!" 

My eyes shot to my voice of reason and I saw Kaldur leap out of the Batwing followed by Tigress and Batman. Tears hot in my eyes, I bit my fear and embarrassment back and let my anger protect me. 

"Stay back!" I yelled out as the electricity that surrounded me and Lex crackled in the air. "I'll kill him, I swear to the gods!"

"Star, please!" Kaldur yelled, fear making his light eyes even lighter. "You don't want to do that!"

"I don't want to kill the man that ruined my life?!"

"Just talk to me," he pleaded but I responded with a loud crack of electricity causing Batman to raise his arm to keep Kaldur back.

"Don't," my voice broke from the sobs that threatened to rip me apart from the inside if I didn't let them out soon. "Please don't make me hurt you, Tats."

"You aren't this person, Jet," Artemis called out.

"I'm not Jet!" I snapped, taking my hand off of Lex's chest to grip his throat. " _He_  killed her!  _I_  killed her!" 

"Darling." His special name for me pulled my eyes to his. Surprisingly, his face was soft despite my hand on his throat. "You knew long before you met me that you never belonged in their world. The girl they knew did die but you... you were reborn to be exactly who you were meant to be." 

"Stop," Bruce's voice boomed but my eyes stayed locked on Lex's. "Let the girl go, Luthor."

"See?" He whispered tenderly to me. "To them, you are nothing but a child who doesn't know any better. To me, you are a goddess. Everything you do, even if it isn't what I want, is perfect."

"Luthor, enough!"

"I accept you and the horrible, beautiful things you've done. So why do you keep looking for their forgiveness?"

"Stop listening to him, Regina." Batman's voice cut through the fog Lex was causing in my heart.

"Darling." He reached up and pulled my hand down from his throat, holding it between his hands and rubbing it reassuringly. "You didn't do anything wrong. You don't need forgiveness."

"You're wrong," I whispered, watching his eyes turn acidic again as his tactic failed. "I do need it."

"You will never get it. They'll be will never never forgive you." His soft touch turned into a grip as his words became sharp. "Will you tell them or shall I?"

"Luthor," I seethed in panic. "Don't."

"Then by all means, you be the one to tell them, Pyrrha. Tell them exactly what happened to the Cult of Kobra when you felt slighted by them. Don't leave out a single detail of how before you met with me to 'clear your head', you lit men on fire from the inside and watched them burn."

"Luthor, stop!" 

"Or will you begin with how you knew where young Mr. Harper was but did nothing to free him?"

"Please, Lex!"

"Oh, I know! How about all the clones--like your friend, Superboy--that you left on the floor like litter for someone else to dispose of? We must have gone through at least a hundred, right, Darling?"

Silence.

I could only imagine what the three were thinking. I had told Kaldur of my crimes but Artemis and Bruce were most likely hearing of it for the first time. 

And they had nothing to say. 

"Why?" I whispered as tears fell from my eyes again because of him.

"I told you, Pyrrha. Because _I_  love you." He rubbed my cheek, more to smear the tears than to clear them away. The memory of his blood on my body flashed in my mind and it clicked that he enjoyed seeing the physical manifestation of the control he had on me. 

I flared up my temperature, burning his hand and making him recoil. I gripped his shirt again and turned to the heroes, keeping my eyes from Kaldur.

"Let me go and I'll tell you were the Warworld is."

"Don't you dare, Pyrrha," Lex hissed.

" _I_  loved you," I growled as I turned back to him. " _I_  accepted you. I wanted to be a hero and because of your  _love_ , I'm nothing. I'm just returning the favor." I looked to those I let down. "Savage took the Warworld... to Apokolips."

"Apokolips?!" Artemis said in disbelief. 

"Regina," Batman scolded, "how could you be so foolish?"

"I don't think I'll ever have an answer for that." I chuckled despite my world having fallen apart but pretending to be okay was my specialty. "Alright, this is the part where you stop staring at me and let me go."

"We can't do that, Je--Pyrrha," Artemis stumbled on her words. "What you've done--"

"Go," Bruce ordered.

"Batman," Artemis said as she stared at him before nodding thoughtfully.

"Star," Kaldur pleaded but I didn't dare to look at him. "Please listen to me. Don't go."

"Kaldur," Artemis' voice was softer than before as she looked to him. "He's right. She can't stay. She has to run."

"Star..." Kaldur's voice was hoarse and I closed my eyes, knowing if I looked at him, I'd break. I turned my pain to Lex Luthor who glared back at me with his own fiery eyes. I let him go with a slight shove and put my necklace back on.

"I hate you," I whispered to the devil.

"The feeling is mutual, Darling."


	20. Morosis

_I've given up on all I love_   
_For an honest moment of clarity._   
_I need to feel alright, please let me breathe_   
_In a life I made out of nothing_   
_To cleanse this useless identity_

**LEXCORP TOWER**   
**Sep 2, 22:45**

The heroic trio watched as Pyrrha flew away towards the building storm in the distance. A master at hiding his own pain, Batman noticed the Atlantean's clenched jaw and balled fists. He laid his hand on Kaldur's shoulder but the young man recoiled, glaring at Batman.

"How could you let her leave?" he growled, barely containing his pain and fury.

"Aqualad--"

"She  _needs_  me! Now more than ever!"

"Debatable." Lex smirked at Kaldur who glared back with hate-filled eyes uncommon for the young leader. Before the two rivals could say anything else to each other, Tigress interjected.

"She needs space, Kal."

"Yes, space." Lex chuckled as he helped a weakened Mercy up. "By all means, give her space like she's a petulant child throwing a tantrum. It's turned out so well for you in the past. Hasn't it, Batman?"

"If you knew what was good for you, you'd shut your mouth and not put so much faith in my restraint." The two older men took a step closer to each other.

"In our short time together, Pyrrha told me certain  _things_ ," Luthor taunted. "Like how she never felt like she measured up to your standards, how she never felt like she could be heroic enough for you. I never understood how you could be so oblivious to her gifts. She is a beautiful, intelligent woman--"

"I don't need  _you_  to tell me who she is."

"Apparently I do,  _Wayne_." Luthor's words turned sharp. "What did you do to her to make her think she deserved what I put her through? What words did you say that still roll around in her mind at odd hours of the night? You were supposed to be her mentor and you let her think that because she didn't fit into the mold of Robin, that meant she didn't fit at all. Truth is, she is so much more than a sidekick. She's meant for greatness, not to be barefoot in a kitchen wedded to some half-breed."

"Shut your fu--" Artemis turned to look at Kaldur whose eyes were locked on Luthor with murderous intent. "You're engaged?" she asked breathlessly.

"Oh, was it supposed to be a secret?" Lex smirked. "Guess it doesn't matter anymore since you can't have a wedding without a bride."

"Ái sichtír!*" Kaldur shouted but Batman gripped his arm as Lex grinned.

_*Go to hell._

"Gladly, because I know that sooner or later, I would see your fiancée there. Oh, I'm sorry. I mean, ex-fiancée."

Kaldur let out a yell as he shook off Batman's grip but Artemis ran in front of him.

"Kal, leave him! He's trying to make you do something stupid. You know Jet wouldn't want you to stoop to his level."

"Oh yes, because we all know how much she enjoys  _tame_ ," Lex chuckled. Artemis held Kaldur back with difficulty and cocked her head to Batman.

"Would you  _arrest_  him already!?"

Batman nodded as he stepped forward, pulling out a pair of cuffs. Mercy limped forward to stand between the man and her boss but Luthor touched her arm and shook his head.

"Contact my lawyers, Mercy, and have someone clean this mess." He held his wrists out but his smirk continued to rub salt in the wounds of the three heroes. "I want it ready for when Pyrrha decides to come home."

Artemis expected Kaldur to push her out of the way and tear the bastard to shreds. Instead, his tension slacked. She looked up to her friend and was saddened when she saw the fight had left his eyes.

"Lex Luthor," Batman said as he clinched the cuffs, "as a member of the Justice League of America and in association with the United Nations, NATO, and the judicial system of the United States of America, I exercise my power to place you under arrest for conspiring against mankind, making deals with extraterrestrial societies without authority, treason..." The Dark Knight slugged the 'philanthropist' in the gut. Holding him up as he gasped for air, Batman whispered in his ear.

"And for the attempted murder and kidnapping of Regina Hayden of Gotham."

* * *

**METROPOLIS HARBOR  
** **Sep 2, 23:00**

Anger.   
Self-hate.   
Regret.

I had received more happiness than I deserved and I threw it away for answers that didn't fit my question. I wanted to blame Grayson, blame Luthor, blame anyone but I knew I was the cause of all my suffering. My stubbornness, my hatred, my impulsiveness, all of it led me to my demise.

Fatigued from the flight, the fight, and the stress, I found myself drawn to the ocean. The ocean Kaldur shared with me. The one that once lapped at my skin as I swam with him and one that gave me the safety to scream into its roar.

The ocean I looked out at was not that ocean.

The cold, autumn waves were wild and angry. I knew it wasn't a coincidence that I left a storm in Florida only to be met by one along the northeast coast. Many people go years pleading to their god without an answer. If only they knew that the key to getting the attention of a god is to reject their gift, namely, Kaldur. Gods are prideful assholes. I should know.

I landed on the sand but kept out of the waves' reach. The water began to churn out in the distance causing the waves to come closer towards me. Anger filled me and I grabbed a handful of sand and threw it into the water.

"What did you expect!?" I yelled out to the tempest. "These were the cards you asshole gods dealt me! You knew exactly who I was, who I will always be and you still gave him to me with a freaking bow! You set me up for failure so YOU were the ones who hurt him."

Thunder roared overhead and the water did it's best to reach my feet. To pull me in.

"I swear on my life I never meant to hurt him," I spoke softly. "Everything I do is wrong... so tell me what to do and I'll do it. Give me something to follow."

I waited for something, anything, but it never came which only enraged me.

"I don't know what you want, you stupid god!" I screamed. "Speak! Give me a sign!"

The water around my feet pulled away.

"Wait! No, please!" I ran into the water and it sizzled around my hot skin as lightning crackled across the sky. "I'm sorry! Please don't give up on me!"

"Get out of the water, dummy!"

I turned to see a panicked Jason running from his bike. He tossed a red helmet aside before beginning to take off his jacket and shoes. Confused, I looked down to see I had gone in farther than I had thought as the water pushed and pulled around my torso. Before I could respond to Jason's overreaction, he grabbed me and yanked me toward shore.

"You idiot!" He yelled at me as we walked out of the cold water. "You could've been fried!"

Ignoring his words and exhausted from everything, my legs failed me and I sank to my knees like a newborn foal as I looked at the dissipating storm. Did I get a sign or did Poseidon have enough of my hubris? Was Jason the sign? Was anything a sign?

"What the  _hell_  is wrong with you?!" Jason's voice had a slight tremble as he tried to keep his voice from cracking.

Jason Todd.

The boy who shouldn't be.

The boy who was my dark omen on more than one occasion.

"Do you  _want_  to die?" he snapped as he collected his clothing and gun holsters. "Is that what you want? I'm getting  _sick_  of saving you from your constant death wish, Glow worm!"

"How did you know where I was, Jason?" I asked as I sat on the shore. His eyes widened and I grew angry as I stood up. "How do you always know where I am,  _Jason_? Where the hell have you been,  _Jason_? Why are you never around when I need you,  _Jason!_?"

"... Reasons."

My hand acted on its own and I realized I had slapped my last friend in the world. It wasn't a hard slap but the gun in his hand and his eyes fell to the ground. I wasn't mad at him, not really, but that didn't stop me from using him as a proxy to vent my anger.

" _You_ ," I whispered to the boy in front of me. "You are this black cloud in my life that only shows up when my life is shit. I wish I never met you."

His brows furrowed together as the muscles in his jaw tightened but he never looked up. Pissed, depressed, and clearly not thinking straight, I bent over and grabbed his gun from the sand. His body froze as I analyzed it's cold metal.

"Hand that to me," he whispered.

"Loaded?" I asked. "One in the chamber?"

"Reggie."

"No!" I aimed it at my Jason. "You ruined my life! Everything is your fault! You should have stayed dead! I hate you so much! I  _hate_  you..." I aimed the gun at myself and closed my eyes as my psyche was breaking. "I hate you... I hate you... you never do anything right... I hate you."

Strong but gentle hands took the gun from me and held me tight as I sobbed. The smell of cigarettes had a calming effect on me as he whispered in my ear.

"Don't let him win, Reggie. Don't let him break you again."


	21. Storge

*Warning: swears and rude dudes*

_Take me to a place I believe in_   
_Lost my way, lost all reason_   
_Through the ruins, trying to save it_   
_Before I fall out, show me somehow I can make it_

**Team Year** **Three**   
**WAYNE MANOR**   
**Nov 5, 15:00**

Engrossed in repairing one of my small prototype robots, I barely heard the polite, and somehow characteristically British knocking at my bedroom door. I leaned over to turn down my music, fumbling with the buttons. My fingers were heavily and haphazardly covered with neon bandaids making touch screens difficult to use. Growling from frustration, I yanked the power cord out of the outlet and rushed to answer the knocking, stumbling over items in my path.

My room mirrored my mind, reflecting the chaos inside. News clippings of a new fear gas used in downtown Gotham, the latest Aquaman/Aqualad victory, and the energy tech war between Wayne Enterprises, Queen Industries, and LexCorp. Anyone could see I was drowning in my thoughts. At least they would if I let anyone in.

I knew I was different after Scarecrow. I knew that others knew. So why justify my need to be alone for a while?

Little by little, those around me got the hint. Grayson stopped checking up on me. The Team placed me on auxiliary at the request of Kaldur'ahm. And Bruce had found Gotham's Next Top Robin.

"Good morning, Alfred!" I said breathlessly, practically hanging on the door for balance after running the gauntlet. "I won't be needing breakfast today, thank you."

"Amusing, Miss Regina," he said. "It's as if you believe it's before noon."

My stomach grumbled and I clenched it to silence it wondering how long it had been trying to get my attention. I glanced around for some kind of sign of the time but I couldn't see my alarm clock from the doorway. It didn't help that the window had black out shades on them. Time to improvise.

"Oh yeah, I know it's one--no, two..." Alfred raised a judgmental eyebrow. "Three?? Geez, I should take more breaks."

"Indeed." He handed me a warm bagel and a full cup of chamomile tea. "You are requested in the foyer."

"Foyer?" I said as I took the food. "Is someone here?"

"Yes. And may I advise a passing glance in a mirror before gracing them with your presence?"

In one of my picture frames of Bruce and me celebrating me getting my GED, I caught my reflection and laughed at how mad I looked. My forehead and chin were smeared with grease. Short, black hair defied gravity as it stuck out at odd angles.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say we had a cow loose on the grounds," Alfred said as I cleaned up as best as I could with an old shirt. I tossed the shirt and laughed as we left the room for the foyer.

"Only if that cow had parental issues, amirite?" I looked to Alfred who chuckled at my joke but tapped the bagel in my hand to remind me to eat.

We made our way down the hall of bedrooms. The rooms where tiny Waynes grew up under the care of their wetnurses and nannies, where friends of Waynes crashed after fundraisers, and now it was where Batman's birdies roosted.

Well, one bird. The other left the nest and I was just... around.

I was still Jet Starling but I wasn't Batman's Jet Starling anymore. I was a mess who needed a butler to remind me to eat and it was clear I needed Bruce far more than he needed me.

We walked past an open door and I glanced to see it had been freshened up with new linens and decor.

". . . It's the kid, isn't it?"

"Master Jason Todd, yes."

I caught myself frowning and straightened up. Mindlessly, I picked at the bandages on my fingers.

"I wish you would find something less dangerous to do, miss."

"I can't play with robots because I'm a girl?" I said, bristling at his words.

"Because it would devastate this household if something happened to you."

"If something happened again, you mean."

"Miss Regina Hayden. I admire your spirit but one of these days, you are going to put the wrong words into the right person's mouth. When that day comes, you'll have no one to blame for the misunderstanding but yourself."

We stopped in the doorway to the large foyer and Alfred fretted at my hair and cotton tee. I smiled gratefully.

"As always, you are right, Alfred. You smug Brit." I took a deep breath before looking into the foyer. "But I'll be fine."

"Miss, I wish you would learn from Master Bruce and talk to someone."

"Bruce doesn't talk to any. . . and that's the point you're trying to make." I looked to see Bruce standing with his hand on the shoulder of a young black haired boy. The rush of jealousy surprised me. Bruce had told me about the incident with the boy and the Batmobile and I was in agreement about the new Robin. However, seeing them together hurt. I had been replaced.

Alfred cleared his throat, causing me to straighten up again and appear confident and unhurt. I smiled as believable as I could.

"Please don't worry about me, Alfred. I'll be fine. I can't afford not to be," I said as I walked forward.

"As you say, miss."

My footfalls echoed off of the marble alerting the two to my arrival. When the two turned, a momentary halt in my step was caused by the young boys' light eyes. I had seen the same eyes my entire life. Anger, pain, a front against anything.

Bruce had picked up another carbon copy of Grayson and me.

"Regina," Bruce said with a smile. "I'd like you to meet Jason Todd, the young man I had the misfortune of leaving the car next to."

"Seriously, how has that never happened to you before?" The young man joked. Bruce chuckled and patted the kid's shoulder. He said something, I'm sure, but the jealousy turned everything into a buzz.

"I wasn't expecting someone so young," I stated with the slightest hint of condescension.

"I told you his age," Bruce said, with the slightest hint of warning.

"And he's quite small, as well."

"I'm average," Jason bit back.

"And a bit of a dreamer."

"Regina, you know Grayson was shorter when he started as Robin," Bruce sighed, seeing the coming storm. "And he was  _younger_."

His words weren't meant to be as painful as they were but my heart ached. Of course he would want someone younger. Gotta learn from the mistake.

"I hope you're not expecting me to babysit him for free."

"Hilarious," Jason sneered. "At least I'm not named something stupid like 'Ruh-JY-na'."

"Says the boy with two first names."

"Regina," Bruce warned but it was already on.

"So you like his sugar baby or something?" Jason teased, far too cocky for someone of his size. "Got a thing for older dudes?"

"Jason," Bruce tried again.

"If Bruce  _was_  my sugar daddy, what does that make you? My new pet?" I patted his head and he slapped it away.

"Don't touch me, crazy! I'll beat your ass to the ground!"

"You couldn't beat a drum."

"Regina, that's enough." Bruce's stern voice made me obediently stop and the smile was wiped from my face which only made Jason's smile grow.

"I get it!" He exclaimed. "You're his submissive!"

"That is it!" I yelled as I lunged at him. His eyes grew wide with terror but instead of the satisfaction of throttling the little brat, Bruce halted my murderous rampage. He grabbed me by the waist and tossed me back a few steps.

"No more!" he said in a hushed but strained voice between us. "I expected better from you. You know what he is going through and I want you to give him the same respect as Grayson gave you. Help him. He's not your responsibility but you two are going to be around each other a lot. Get along."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. Think, Regina. For once in your life, think before you act." He rubbed his nose. "I'm going below. Training begins at dawn. Show him where his room is."

I watched him leave and Alfred was right behind him, no doubt going to embarrass me by analyzing my psychological state. I pouted a moment before I noticed the boy was staring at me.

"What?" I snapped. He looked away, his ears growing red contrasting his light skin.

"Nothing."

I sighed. Bruce was right. I was just being jealous. And those ears were kind of adorable.

"So, Jason Todd, you an orphan?"

"Almost," he kicked at the marble, "if my mom keeps doing stupid stuff."

"Not an orphan? Weird. Bruce has got a thing for picking up stray kids. Which means your stupid mom must be a shit moth--oof!"

With a solid hit to my stomach, I was on my ass gasping for air with the face of a pissed off, blue-eyed Tasmanian-Devil-child staring down at me.

"Don't ever talk about my mom again. I don't give a crap who you are, I'll lay you the fuck out."

Shocked, I nodded my head. As I tried to stand up, Jason surprised me by offering me a hand.

"I'm sorry," I wheezed sincerely as I grabbed it. "I'm a little... rough around the edges."

"Yeah, you look it." The half-pint asshole let go of my hand and I fell back on my ass. The smug grin he wore set me off again and I swung my leg under his. He fell to the hard floor and I sat on top of him, pinning his extremities.

"Listen up, you little shit! I've put up with more than the normal person can handle this last month and I don't need a snarky brat on top of it! So!" I exhaled briskly as I got up off of him and held my hand out. "Friends?"

He eyed my hand warily.

"I'm not going to let you go, Todd. Even though you deserve it," I rolled my eyes. His cocky smile returned and he held his hand out.

"Fine. Friends."

**Team Year Six**   
**GOTHAM CITY**   
**Sep 3, 01:00**

After our confrontation, Jason and I had left the bright lights of Metropolis behind us and headed to the rain of Gotham. Behind the tinted visor of Jason's spare helmet, safe and shielded from the consequences of my decisions, I blankly stared at the large buildings that whizzed by.

Everything had gone to shit. But despite all of the things I should be worried about, Kaldur was all I could think about.

I sighed and gripped a not-so-scrawny Jason tighter around the waist. Our speed slowed for a moment before speeding in front of a brightly lit hotel. We blazed past a valet and headed beneath to the garage.

Jason pulled into a spot and sat up but I wasn't ready to let go. It seemed the only thing keeping me together was my hold around his waist.

"As much as I like this," he said as he took off his helmet, "we gotta go up. I don't trust the people I left in my room not to break something."

Slowly, I let him go as we got off the bike. I took off the helmet and handed it to Jason, feeling vulnerable without it. A light and playful hit to my chin forced me to look up at him.

"No frowns," he scolded with a smile. "Blank faces and scowls are welcome but that sad excuse of a frown has to go."

I tried to smile for him but my body wasn't answering to me anymore. I didn't blame it.

"Reggie," he tilted his head and crouched slightly to look me in my downturned eyes. "You aren't going into your shell. As soon as I boot the squatters, I'm going to make you talk to me. You've had too long to sit in silence and I'm gonna be the hero to rip this band aid off your boo-boo."

"You're a dick."

"No, you're thinking of the  _other_  blue eyed kid you lived with. I'm the adorable one."

I winced.

"Please don't talk about Grayson." I wanted to close off everything that happened tonight so I changed the subject.

"Don't need to tell me twice." He sighed and folded his arms, inadvertently showing off his biceps. I frowned at him, at everything he was, at the loss of the little boy I loved, and at the young man he had become.

"Why are we in Gotham?" I asked as I fought back my emotions.

"Because you need it."

"No one needs Gotham."

"People like us do. This is your home. It's in your blood. The bright and shiny Metropolis poisoned you. It made you weak and then it broke you. Over and over and ov-"

"I get it," I snapped. "I should've just died in that fire. It would be better than feeling this way. Feeling like a failure of a human being."

"Dying is easy. Living is hard. Don't be a coward." He bopped my head with his palm. A smile broke out across my face. He smiled back and kissed my forehead softly. "Let me take care of you for now. I owe you for all the times you did the same for me."

He draped his arm around my neck and led me into the hotel elevator where we proceeded to the top floor. Slowly, I woke up from my funk and recognized the monograms scattered around the elevator.

"I have some questions," I stated warily.

"I might have answers," he smirked, "for a price."

"Ew. Why are we walking in Sionis' hotel? Like we own it?"

"Work perk."

"What the hell are you up to, Jason Peter?"

"About six foot one last I checked and don't use my Christian name." He looked at me with a side glance. "What?  _Now_  you care what I do with my time? You've known I've been alive for a year and  _now_  you want to know what I've been doing?"

". . . sorry."

"Hey, don't." We slowed our walk and he squeezed me to him. "I was joking. I forgot we can't hurt your widdle feelings without you shutting down, my little glowworm."

"Don't call me that," I growled.

"I can call you whatever I like." He smirked down at me as the doors opened up. "I died. It gives me a free pass."

"Okay,  _Jaybird_." He shot me a warning glare. "Free pass, remember?"

He sighed and leaned on me slightly as we walked to the end of the hall where a large, ornate door was labeled 'Presidential Suite'.

Inside, I could hear muffled yelling.

"I have to warn you," he said with his hand paused over the handle. "This is going to be awkward."


End file.
